In my last ‘Evaluate & Activate’ review I wrote that I wanted to do more exercise. I thought maybe I’d do a YouTube dance workout or try taking a longer route to work to get more walking in. I put some times in my calendar and then just… didn’t do it. The thing is, I …
Hello. I would like to get help on the following topic: I am a first grade Primary teacher and recently I have been criticized on how I teach. I teach in a private School in Mexico, I myself am half Swiss half Mexican, but I grew up in Switzerland. So I’ve noticed that my “teaching …
Hey coaches, I need some direction here 🙂 For the past month, my physical health has not been optimal, I keep catching viruses/bacteria and ending up sick every other week. I went to see my GP and she came to the conclusion that at the moment my immune system is quite weak which makes me …
Hi coaches. I am new to TFC. I want to dive into ask a coach with my issue. I have realised fairly recently that I hold my partner to all these high standards and I identify there is something like Conditional love and acceptance going on. I know that I experienced this in my childhood …
Thank you for your help. I would love to bring back my model to you. While making the model there rise up a new question: okay I’m aware of this but how can I change? C: My heart beats louder, my throat feels like it’s pinched, the feeling has the colour green, bit nauseous feeling …
Hi, A few months ago I had some brilliant coaching here titled ‘Family moving to my area’ and we did a few coachings back and forth on that. In a nutshell my disabled mum and sister have moved from living 3 hours away to 25 minutes. Historically I haven’t had much of a relationship with …
I’ve just finished watching Maisie’s goal setting webinar and it’s brought up quite a few things. Background: I have a background in teaching but decided to go in a different career direction so retrained and became certified in another field last year. I want to establish my own business but have been hitting wall after …
Mindset around launching and making progress in my business Read More »
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Hello, Thank you in advance for reading my submission. This is a topic that has been spoiling my relationship and I am unsure of how to coach myself on this. I have been with my partner for 4 years now. Within a month or so of me moving in with him, he began to express …
Dear coaches, I have a short question about my BBT. I’m measering my tempature now for a while. And the last 2,5 months I’ve tempatures under the 36 celcius. To be exact 9 days from the 2.5 months was under the 36 celcius and the lowest was 35.45 celcius. Maisie is writing in her book …
I have a relatively new manager and I don’t like him. He has a big ego, waffles a lot and doesn’t make sense. He seems fake, hiding behind a suit and buzz words. He’s not interested in/doesn’t grasp the depth of the work we’re doing. He micro-manages very simple tasks but provides no guidance on …
I want to change my work patterns to a 9 in 10 day fortnight. The thoughts holding me back: It will inhibit my career. My director will think I am a slacker. I have picked up comments from him regarding the part time person in my team and the part time person has not been …
Thanks, that is really useful. Are there any tips to helping me get out of my head and into my body before seeing a client? I guess I could work on the thought that I’m pushing through a new level in my professional and personal life it’s a sign of growth rather than imposter syndrome …
Thank you so much for the coaching. I realised that in fact both were going – I was simultaneously expecting too much of myself, and also not managing my mind very well because somewhere my brain felt overwhelmed by all the changes in my body and all the plans I had made for this time …
Hi, I had a baby 21 months ago and I breastfed for 13 months and didn’t have a period during this time. In August 22 when I stopped breastfeeding my periods returned and instead of being 28-30 days as before they are now 21-22 days apart. I turned 41 in January and am unsure as …
Hi coaches. I’m really struggling to let go of a kind of ‘grass is greener’ or ‘my life is going to start when X happens’ story. I made some big changes in my life about a year ago and I’ve been much happier and healthier since. However now that I have some distance from my …
Dear coaches <3, Somedays I have a restless feeling, like today. And I always try to figure out where this restless feeling is coming from. Mostly this ends up in a negative spiral of thoughts like ‘I feel restless’, ‘Where is this restless feeling coming from’, ‘I can’t feel where it’s coming from’, ‘I’ll never …
Thank you: I had a conversation with my husband and am proud that I waited for a moment that was calm and we were not rushed. I waited three days after talking to the school in Berlin. I was calm and prepared to just listen and not defend my corner. The conversation went well – …
Dear Ask a Coach, I have started to practice intuitive eating since the beginning of the year to fully overcome my eating disorder and create a healthier relationship with myself and my body. I am currently in the ‘practicing food neutrality’ and ‘honouring your hunger’ phase, which is quite challenging for me because I am …
Body image / Intuitive eating / deeply-rooted beliefs Read More »
Dear Ask a Coach, I would like to get some coaching on my relationship with stress/feeling stressed. I currently have a period at work that is quite busy, with multiple projects going on at the same time, all of which have similar upcoming deadlines. One project, in particular, is quite time-consuming (and it is my …
Yes the feelings in my dream are relaxed, ease, still and contended being alone in a comfortable and beautiful hotel. There’s also the feelings of delight and inspiration from the art works. On the first set of feelings, I think this may be coming from perfectionist tendencies that tend to mean I have high expectations …
I feel resistance towards the concept of life is being 50/50. The thoughts I have around this is: – What is the point of working on myself when 50procent (!! omg that is so much) is gonna suck anyway? If feel very desperate about this. – Is life really that black and white, I hope …
Dear coaches, I noticed a thought for the first time today, which I’ve had for over 2 years (I remember thinking it and forget all about it, because of the stress it causes me each time). So I tried to express it as clearly as possible in the following two models: Circumstance: my family T: …
How can you coach yourself through imposter syndrome? I am self employed and wanting to take my business to the next level charging more money for my service, I lack confidence in myself and doubt that I am good enough, knowledgeable enough to do this. How can I prevent this lack of confidence coming across …
C – My friend suggested I spend an unpaid day off work with her and her three kids. I explained due to the tube strike it would be difficult for me to meet her to which she responded she would come over to a location close to me. T – She is bringing her kids …
Hello, I would love some help with my thoughts towards colleagues. I work in academia in two different departments at the same university. I find the colleagues and atmosphere in one department quite challenging and negative. So I’ve been (consciously and unconsciously) gravitating more towards the other department (prioritizing their meetings, going out with some …
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
I’ve been noticing a big connection more and more with how low I feel and how hard I am on myself when I feel like I’m in a period of low energy and “bad habits”. I go through stages of really low energy (not connected to health – all blood tests etc are normal), don’t …
Hi, Thanks for the coaching. It felt very helpful to see how I have been telling myself passive communication is ‘easy’ and assertive communication is the harder route. After spending some time writing on this, I’ve come up with Is people pleasing easy? – It can feel easier in the moment as I can feel …
Hi there, I started working as a photographer end of last year. I am very proud of the progress I have made, my bravery to putting myself out there and asking for money for my services. I enjoy being an artist (and calling myself that) immensely. I recently sent off a couple of galleries to …
My gut response is approval from others is what is standing in the way and fear that I will make a bad decision. How might I move forward on this ? Thank you Answer: Great insights! Celebrate your win of recognizing what’s holding you back from making your decision. When you say “others” …
Hello! I wondered if you might be able to help me with my main goal that I have this year, which is to change my relationship with success / my career. As I have realised recently that I’ve had quite unhealthy relationships with success, which have been quite extreme, either /or, at different ends of …
I am a farm vet and face challenging situations commonly. I have a habit of beating myself up when things don’t go to plan. This example is a classic – I was asked to look at a calving at the end of a farm visit for something else. The farmer voiced that she wasn’t worth …
Perfectionist tendancies at work – help with models. Read More »
You’re right, you don’t need your mum to approve of your choices. You need to approve of your choices. In what ways do you believe the things your family says about how you live, who you love and how you parent? I don’t believe these things they say/tell me, I am 100% sure of where …
I found the coaching really helpful, thank you. During my thought download on ‘Why do you want to be more assertive’ I discovered a few reasons that resonate and feel good. 1. I want to feel more free of the frustrations I feel at having to soften everything/ people please/ spend ages constructing messages/ pretending …
Hi, I am feeling particularly overwhelmed at the moment and I’m noticing its affecting many areas of my life. I am working on my business and feel like I’m making little progress as I see what others are doing in a similar field and worry I’m not up to it…then that my website isn’t good …
Hello I’d love some coaching on this one. Reecently, while sorting out my folder of flow collective and other personal development stuff I came across some information on assertive, passive and aggressive communication styles given to me by a therapist a while back, and I was surprised that to me the assertive examples seemed like …
I posted in the FB group about how I realized that I was subconsciously labeling everything I do that involves other people as “emotional labor.” Sometimes, I am doing actual labor, like my job, which is teaching writing classes at a community college. I think I have been labeling many actions as “emotional labor” because …
After listening to Maisie speak about thought downloads and advising via FB about just getting coached, this is what I have written down. I’m not entirely sure what I need/want coaching on or what question I am asking. I can’t get this into a model at the moment as it seems to have so many …
A few months ago I was diagnosed with autism. I instigated getting an assessment, and I really wanted the diagnosis as it allowed me to make sense of things. And yet, my mind has not accepted the diagnosis. It says that I have been misdiagnosed. I feel a lot of shame about the possibility of …
Hello Ask A Coach, I recently completed an unintentional model that revealed a much bigger core belief. I felt like I was able to address the thought in the model but got a little stuck with addressing the core belief. UM C: Invited to an event with new friends T: I don’t know what to …
Hi amazing team, thank you so much for taking the time to look at this and help me on this! You’re all truly inspiring. Here’s the question: I notice I value honesty and communication a lot. I don’t have troubles expressing this towards my partner or my mom, or people I have just met. But …
Thank you for your coaching, it’s felt good to explore these questions. What’s hard to accept about myself in dorsal? – A lot of it could be variations of ‘other people thinking I’m not good enough’, and me thinking I’m not good enough. I think my numbness and depression in this state make me unlovable. …
Things That Came Up From Nervous System Mapping #2 Read More »
Thank you so much for your answer. Your suggestion was really helpful and I came up with the following A lines for my second model: I try to ground myself during the dinner; I stand up for myself; if someone says something I find inappropriate, I will address it; I accept when I dissociate at …
Thanks so much for your reply! I’ve written out my answers to your questions and added a new circumstance at the bottom: —What do you think separating out what’s legitimate in your mind and what’s not would do for you? It’s helpful to think that my anger is legitimate because it’s what I’m feeling. I …
Here are my thoughts post listening to this weeks’ evaluate February webinar…. What went well Connection with myself – A mindset shift of letting some perfectionism go, realise that it holds back connection (at work) or when spending time with people. Realise its compounding tiredness. A conversation with my brother helped me see this. – …
I had a small breakthrough the other day after struggling to figure out the thought line in a model. I scribbled all the other lines out on the back of a receipt, but I was stuck for what thought was creating the feelings and actions. then after a little break and a bit more reflection, …
Thank you for your words! It makes sense, that enough is really subjective and that I can decide what it is. Actually a lot of the things I think I definetely have to do on that day, I can also do later or just not do it. But I really struggle to cross things out …
I’m an Art teacher and working toward qualifying by September as a child counsellor using the arts, it’s been years of part time work and free client hours to get to this point. I’ve been contacted by a headmistress who likes the idea of the counselling using the arts and wants to think about working …
Potential new role asking for money in an underpaid profession Read More »
I’ve been on a journey with my weight since joining the Flow Collective six months ago and I believe I’ve made some progress in unlearning much of the body hatred I’ve carried around (as shown in my two previous Ask a Coach queries). I still am not able to make enough time for yoga as …
No questions here really, just wanted to follow up and thank you for the helpful response (and the immediate positive results!). The situation came up again and I thought I felt envy toward a friend’s engagement plans. Instead of talking smack about myself for feeling envy, I got curious and asked “what does this signify”? …
I often have a lot of unhelpful thoughts on Sundays. I can’t then really enjoy the day off, because I’m already thinking about the new week. I’m a teacher so it’s a lot of planning, that sometimes has to happen on the weekend too. I really try to do everything before, but I still have …
Hello lovely coaches! I’d love some guidance on a model I’m working with around my urge to buy things when I’m feeling stressed, particularly knitting and sewing supplies. I’ve gleaned some good stuff from the previous post “shopping out of control” but I’m still a bit stuck. My UM C: new project supplies shopping T: …
I have a muslim background and the tradition says to invite family to a wedding. I have decided, since it’s a mixed culture wedding, so also half western wedding not to invite all the family. Actually as few guests as possible, concerning family. I want it to be something with my chosen family and a …
discomfort about not inviting certain family members to my wedding Read More »
Hello, 🙂 I’m struggling a little (sometimes a lot) with imposter syndrome. I think I’ve always had this. I’ve been private chef for many years then opened up a salad bar business. I’ve always had this slight feeling I’m not respected or considered a real ‘chef’. (By who, I don’t know!) I’m not classically trained, …
Hi, Me and my partner has just moved house, and he has also just started in a new job. We are so happy with the new place, and on paper everything is great! However I have noticed in the last days since we moved I feel worried, upset, sad, anxious, unable to be productive and …
I have a question I wanted to bring to the coaching call with Maggie Reyes today but I wasn’t able to attend, so I thought I’d bring it here instead… For relationships month I set the intention of building more honesty in my relationship with my husband (honesty with myself about my thoughts about him, …
I’d like to share stuff on social media, I think instagram and fb are great ways to stay in touch with people but I find it very hard for me to post anything or be active online. I stopped using social media after an incident with an abusive partner, I felt unsafe and needing to …
Hi coaches, I’m at a junction in my life and unsure about my next steps or what my real motivations are. I stopped working when I had children and now that my youngest has just started school, I’m wondering what my next move should be. My husband works very long hours and it’s important for …
Hi coaches, I joined the collective in December and have been feeling so much more grounded having completed the Harness your Hormones, Nutrition and creating safety toolkits plus and used the ‘ask a coach’ tool to take a look deeper look at certain aspects of my past. I have felt stronger, more content and a …
hello coaches, I’d appreciate any insight on this – its a longstanding issue that is never going to jeopardise my friendship with this person but I would like to ‘take up more space’ in this friendship. Context – I stayed overnight at the home of a good and longstanding friend Staying with friend and I …
I have not been diagnosed with autism and it is not something I currently intend to pursue. However, having listened to Maisie’s podcast about autism last summer, I feel that I am probably neuro-diverse. Last night I saw an Instagram post about ways that autistic people show love and it was all the things I …
I’ve been mulling over the question “How do you think your story ends after you have learned to trust yourself?” and “what does it look like when you can trust yourself?” and hopefully all the mulling is leading to an answer somewhere. I really don’t know, because it seems so rare that I ever 100% …
Hi coaches, I have just been listening to Maisie’s podcast episode number 99 – ‘Supporting Yourself Through Change’ and got reminded that, when going through change and feeling very activated, it can be helpful to just not engage with a thought. To thank it and let it pass. I am unsure how to do that …
I think I’m struggling with doing what I say I will do because I’m questioning whether what I’ve planned is the best use of my time. For example, I plan to watch TFC content on a Monday morning but then question whether I should be doing some business admin and then end up not being …
It has come tocmy attention that my 9yo son isn’t ok with physical contact with me. I realised that we barely hug last year, but im sad to say that.i definitely didn’t do enough to rectify it. He was ill this weekend and it firstly took me ages to go over to him to sit …
I have been uncomfortable with my target audience for my business for a while now. So much so that I actually changed my whole business model to avoid them, only to have now come full circle in understanding that I cannot avoid them. It’s such a strange thing, and I’m also very scared to do …
I recently had a realisation that whenever I spend time with or have a conversation with anybody – even close friends and my family, I am assuming thr whole time that they don’t like me or think I’m being unlikable. It makes me feel a bit sad that I’ve gone through life feeling like that …
Thank you for your answer. It’s been a while since I read your reply and I couldn’t think of a challenge, I also had other things going on so I parked this topic for a bit. However, during the last few days, I went to two parties / concerts with different groups of people, some …
I started completing the relationships worksheet – thinking about who I find it easy to love right now and why. A thought came up, which I’ve noticed a few times this month, which is that I am selfish in relationships (any kind of relationship) and therefore don’t deserve love and affection from others. I automatically …
Hi wonderful coaches On Thursday I attended the funeral of my partner’s friend’s girlfriend, who died just before Christmas at aged 31 (my age). I’ve been to a handful of funerals before but this was the first time witnessing the burial. I found it both beautiful (the coffin was showered with origami butterflies and then …
I am struggling with motivation and will power when choosing what snacks to eat. One of my rocks to work towards a larger goal of HEALTH for myself is to change my relationship with sugar. I am addicted to sugar. I am successfully changing the main meals that I eat and have had a successful …
A design freelance job has come up with an old boss. Since leaving that job, over a year ago, I’ve been transitioning to a holistic career. Big transition, very uncomfortable at times, but I love it. I want to do the freelance job, it’s well paid, the money would give me a cushion. Also creatively …
Hi Coaches! I’m a college professor who teaches composition classes. Every semester, I teach the same topics, which feel very basic to me. Often, my thought is that my students should have learned these things in high school. I also think they are terrible writers! I am bored by teaching the same thing every semester. …
Hello team, I recently lost my dad very unexpectedly and it’s been rough. At the same time, I’m at the end of a trial period of my new job. This job currently seems rather unimportant to me, but I think that is the grief speaking. It is also very turbulent right now since there a …
Hi I’m new to the flow collective and am now into Module 3 of “Harnessing Your Hormones”. I have yet to dive deeper into any decision-making modules or any other topic. However, I was wondering if I could get some coaching regarding a recurring issue that I’m facing. A year ago, I decided to come …
It is a long one and there is a lot to unpack so thank you for bearing with me. First of all, this is my first ever submission. I am new to TFC, and I a bit nervous about being so vulnerable. I am also worried that somehow, someone I know might happen to also …
Navigating Owning a Business With My Romantic Partner – aaargh! Read More »
Hello dear coach, I have been feeling some pressure in my chest and throat when sitting to finally write this here. I have been considering stepping out of TFC. I realize there are two thoughts behind this circumstance: I do not have enough money to pay for it AND I haven’t engaged with TFC in …
I am aware that I have some people pleasing tendencies and I am making progress at catching myself while doing this at a situation level. However today it hit me that I might be socialising my daughter to be a people pleaser without realising and has opened the question for me about the line between …
Hello coaches I have realised a lot of my overwhelming feelings recently have come from wanting to make more money but working as little as I possibly can. I think I’m stressing myself out about how I can make this happen. I have tried to plan my time in the week for set admin days …
Dear Coach, I’ve come across the term compartmentalisation lately a lot and it seems to have either a negative or positive connotation depending on which angle you look at it from. It is usually seen as a mechanism to avoid cognitive dissonance. A friend of mine said to me the other day that she started …
Shame is telling me: You should never find your partner ugly You should be attracted to your partner 100% of the time It’s wrong to think mean thoughts about your partner You should find your perfect match You should never feel ashamed of your partner You should feel comfortable introducing your partner to anyone in …
I took a January offer to sign up with a boutique gym class place near me. It was a good deal as the place is v. expensive. I’ve really enjoyed the month and was thinking when it ran out I am gonna try another place (which is doing a Feb offer) before returning to the …
I’ve had 5 miscarriages over the last 5 years and myself and my partner are planning to try and conceive again very soon. We’ve had some investigations done however it’s still unclear as to what may be causing the miscarriages (however it is possible that my immune system could be the cause). The first miscarriage …
Hello coaches! I’m a language teacher to kids and teenagers who come for one hour classes in the evening back to back. Days I work a lot I have little energy, patience and brain power left to deal with the noise and special needs students towards the end of the day and feel overwhelmed, sad …
I had a very close group of three female friends who I have fallen out with over the past six months. I would like coaching on how to move on from this fallout. I found the fallout really heavy and difficult emotionally, and have spent a lot of time thinking about it over the past …
Hey coaches! A flow-er friend prompted me to send this for coaching after I shared with her! roughly, I’m training for a powerlifting competition in May, so I want to set myself up for success by putting in the work AND I don’t want to make myself miserable in the pursuit of my goal. It …
Hi! I have a lot going on—toxic job I’m trying to leave, trying to conceive, and I was recently prescribed a very low dose of SSRIs because my coping strategies weren’t keeping up with my levels of anxiety. I want to give the medication a chance but the initial side effect is a huge increase …
I’m following up on my ‘Divorce’ post and wanted to say thank you for your response which was exactly what I needed to hear. I learned through the crisis which was actually not a crisis but certainly felt like one at the time that I don’t want to divorce my husband. So far in my …
There’s someone I’m seeing for sex. We have been on and off for a year, I ended it last time for the behaviour I’m about to describe. I don’t want anything more than a casual relationship with him because he is emotionally unavailable, which isn’t what I want from a partner. I know this thought …
Hello, I have been negotiating my salary with my soon to be former boss over the past years. He always told me I was very (too) well paid and that it would be hard for him to get me more. I thought this was negotiation talk, there was according to me no big evidence and …
Thanks for your coaching. I’ve been observing the self-love topic over the last weeks, and yesterday, I think I found the main thought in the lower part of my brain: I’m not lovable. It took a while to really get there. But with this thought in mind, everything becomes clear to me: WHY my life …
Hi there, I find myself in this situation and I did some thought work and I manage to regulate how I feel about it but I need some coaching on some parts. I have many projects running simultaneously at work, and everything that comes to me is either very important or has a ticking deadline. …
In my current job I chair a weekly meeting and occasionally give presentations, both usually on zoom but sometimes in person. My thoughts around this are things like ‘this is not my natural strength’, ‘other people I work with are much better at this’ and ‘I’m 41, I should be better at this by now’. …
Hello Coaches I think I’ve changed my goal, my word of the year is confidence. Although I see myself as a confident person, I have a lot of self doubt which holds me back from progressing. I’ve decided my goal is; Build authenticity, build self trust and be in touch with what I want Rocks …
My brain is telling me “I can’t do this. This is too hard.” After 4 years in the liminal space of career change, I still don’t know what I really want. I’ve been trying to experiment and evolve myself into something new, focusing on freelance but also considering going back into employment. I have had …
I’m coming back to ask a coach from having reread my previous question on Losing Weight. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. The intentional model I came up with (starting with my result line) is: Circumstance: Doing Yoga ANY TIME Thought: I am worthy of movement Feeling: Relief Action: I remember that I love …
Thank you for your answer. I’ve just had a big realization: when the others said 1) “when we’re riding the horse, we don’t notice when something is wrong” or 2) “I’m sure you had good reasons for not taking riding lessons regularly” they could have been benevolent towards me. With regard to 1), the other …
Hi! I watched the nutrition for hormone health video earlier and somewhere the phrase “magical thinking” came up, and it really resonated with me, as something I’ve often used against myself in various ways. I would love some feedback on the model below, suggestions for developing helpful thoughts (really struggling with finding accessible ones), as …
Struggling with unkind/unhelpful magical thinking Read More »
I’m struggling to sort through this decision- My partner and I need to rebuild our savings after some financial challenges at the end of 2022. I have two options now to support him in this 1. Get an agency job as a care worker/waitress/bar staff/cleaner etc 2. Take on more paid research work/tutoring. I feel …
Decision making- chasing short or long term work goals Read More »