Aging parents pt. 3 / taking responsibility Hi coaches! I renamed the title, because we are slowly moving into a different topic. So your two questions out of the last coaching were: I. What would letting go of that wish [my parents had been more loving and supportive] mean for you (what would change?) 1. …
Hi FC Coaches! I have just joined the Flow Collective, inspired by Maisie’s talk on setting & achieving goals. I have one particular goal in mind: to find a new job. I feel a bit “knocked about” by my last couple of jobs. I rose up in the ranks of large companies, to Manager and …
Hi wonderful coaching team, The more I monitor my cycle, journal and become aware of my thoughts, the more I recognise a fierce inner critic in me lots of the time. I have persistently made myself busy (and made myself the victim of my busyness without taking responsibility for this – something I am now …
Thank you for all your wonderful and supportive encouragement, I feel really seen and appreciated! The emotional space that I would want to inhabit when making the decision to leave or stay in The Flow Collective would be one that is grounded, relaxed, positive and confident. Is there deeper I can go into this? …
Dear coaches, I’ve been struggling with procrastination for a long time now – 5 years, to be exact – ever since my daughter was born. For 5 years I’ve been a stay at home mom and I continue to do so. I fear I’ve fallen into the abyss of being too comfortable and this is …
I am in a loving happy relationship with my partner, we have been together for over a year and live separately in family homes so we can buy somewhere together. The relationship is great and I have no complaints for them as a person, I do however wonder if at times I am being I …
Am I being unreasonable for wanting more of my partner’s time? Read More »
Hi there! I’m Livia and I joined the Flow Collective a few days ago 🙂 I’m in need of some help settling my goal because I’ve been “here” so many times that it makes me a little anxious to pick up something to work on…just a little background check: I’ve always had trouble fitting in …
I had a goal to work part time in 5 years time and pursue an artistic practice the rest of the time. Now I want to change that realising that I don’t need to wait that long. I want to challenge myself to create some kind of art work everyday for 15mins a day and …
I suffer from extreme PMS (or undiagnosed PMDD) and often experience low mood / confidence / sensitivity and heightened social anxiety in the Autumn phase of my cycle. I’ve been like this for so many years that I’ve learnt how to manage it with diet, exercise, leaning into feelings and organising my social life with …
After doing the spring workshop I realised that what’s been coming up a lot lately is how uncomfortable I am saying no and how much more comfortable I am people pleasing, so my goal is “stop people pleasing and practise saying no with ease”. I already have a message I am going to send to …
Hiya coaches! This morning I completed a guided meditation on self-compassion and I was struck with the realization that I have not been self-compassionate toward myself lately. I’ve been operating from my default mode of “do more do more do more” and then being quite mean to myself when I drop a ball or don’t …
Hello Right now, I feel I am in a low place in my life. I made a decision recently which I think will be beneficial, but I am finding it difficult to place what it means for me going forward. I always had a difficult relationship with my dad, and a couple of months ago …
Hi Coaches I’d love some support in making the decision to stay or leave The Flow Collective. So I joined The Flow Collective in September last year. At this point I was in a toxic romantic relationship, on universal credit, Insecurely housed & struggling massively with extreme PMDD symptoms. As I’m writing this, I am …
Hello! After the Spring workshop I’ve decided that I want to free myself of unhelpful thoughts that I have when I have conversations with academics about my own country, Italy. To give some context: I organize trips to Tuscany and I was talking to a client, who’s an academic, over Zoom. At some point he …
I tried living a part of my dream today by spending the morning in Marylebone Lane in London which is between Madam Tussauds and Oxford Street. It’s so beautiful. I sat in the cafe, had a cup of hot chocolate, opened my FT Weekend Newspaper and basked in the joy of it all. I heard …
I’ve just ended another day at a high payed pubic health job, where I am really feeling the pressure. I’m putting in extra hours to try and produce something that I think they want from me, but I’m also not sure what they want from me – and I am very intentional about being direct …
Maisie spoke about dreams in her goal setting call today. My dream is about resting and pleasure. I see myself wearing beautiful clothing, going to the opera, waking up in a beautiful hotel room with crisp white cotton sheets, drinking tea in bed and then reading the paper at a table outside a cafe with …
Hello and thank you so much for your answer. I think you were right in pointing out that I’ve been carrying a burden for the past few months. Thinking something like “it’s unfair that I have to deal with this” hasn’t really helped me. Though I stand by my decisions during the past few months …
I received an email yesterday that I was not selected for an interview for a new job that I applied for back in January. I’m allowing myself to feel disappointment, and in my TDL this morning, I could see that I don’t really want a new job, per se. I just want to leave my …
Holding onto a vision of what I thought my life would be like Read More »
Thanks for the useful pointers! The threat I fear is humiliation. The likelihood of this happening at my work is minimal. If someone is disappointed with me, that is their business, not mine. I know I am great at my job and widely appreciated by my colleagues. Even if I am publicly humiliated, I know …
Hi Ask a Coach, Could you provide some feedback on some models I’ve done around being in groups of people? Unintentional C: In a group of people, T: I need to make conversation, F: Paralysed/inhibited, A: Don’t ask people questions, A: Rely on others to drive conversation. A: If partner is present stick to him …
Dear coaches My word for 2023 is self-love which I’ve been using as monthly goals to prioritise my physical, emotional and mental health. As part of that, I gave up Slimming World which although had previously helped me lose 1 stone, I had slowly put back on and was increasing my feelings of guilt and …
I know that it is normal for human brains to have a negativity bias. And I think years’ of anxiety and depression in adolescence has made my bias quite strong without me recognising things can be any different – thinking of this in a neutral way without passing judgment on myself. I know that there …
I have read back my notes from the end of Dec beginning of Jan after listening to Maisie talk about making decisions. I would like some help on making my decision. I want to change my work. I like my workplace (school) but it is 6 days a week , long days and I am …
I’m noticing a recurrent situation where I have a fast nervous system response and I would like to be able to respond differently. It typically happens at work when I am challenged in a group setting by a question or statement relating to work I have done, usually by the same guy – my boss …
I’ve noticed a lot of anxiety coming up around possibly letting a friend down. It’s been a habit thought of mine that I ‘don’t know how to do friendships’ and I’d like to overcome it, as I know I can’t control my friends’ feelings, but at the same time I want to be a better …
C: I’ve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
okay. I know that this doesn’t have to be a complicated, drawn out shift for me. I feel confident with coaching and self-coaching that I can learn and grow and get to a healthier place with feelings, managing emotions, and making space for me. this is encouraging. I am definitely uncomfortable with my own feelings …
thinking that feelings don’t really matter pt. 2 Read More »
Hi, I would love coaching on the following situation: My husband and I moved to the United States 2 years ago, he is a postdoc and I tried to continue my medical training here which didn´t work out due to several reasons (got coaching on this before). We are now looking into our next options …
For a while now I have been wondering if the teaching profession is right for me after all. The profession does require a lot of time outside of working hours and I no longer feel able / comfortable in giving that. My situation has changed now from when I first entered the profession living with …
I am pregnant for the first time, and really struggling with the first trimester pregnancy nausea. I don’t quite throw up every day, more often I just end up running to the bathroom and retching but then not actually vomiting. I talked to my healthcare provider about this, they didn’t seem concerned and told me …
Hi, seven years ago, my husband started on a journey to create our own start-up. I joined him in 2018 full time (-ish, as I had to freelance to make a living). We have launched in the mass-market twice, so on paper, we are successful and others envy us. We have a way to go …
Yes! That’s it. Thank you! Its about what could have been, and thinking that the time I have left to experience feeling loved, safe, and protected by my parents is starting to run out. I have identified many (sometimes conflicting) layers to it: 1. I want closure. I want my parents to come around. To …
Dear Ask A Coach, Lately I’ve been doing daily thought downloads/models, and I’ve noticed a couple of recurring core beliefs that I’m having some trouble shifting. The first is: “If I am perfect, I am safe.” Logically, intellectually I know that perfection doesn’t exist/is impossible/is in the eye of the beholder. I know that. But …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
Thanks so much for the coaching! It is really helpful to see an outside perspective that can dissect my C, F and A lines for me. I have done a thought download on ‘Evening activities’ right after I received the coaching and one just now, about two weeks later. When I compare the two thought …
This is probably going to need to be a series because there’s a lot to unpack in this one… I hired someone into my team three years ago and have had a lot of challenges with them ever since – they have difficulty meeting deadlines, trouble prioritizing, work needs a lot of revisions when it’s …
Thank you so much for your answer. I love the idea of allowing myself to be imperfect, too. I added A lines to both intentional models. Intentional model 1 C: I’ve decided to meet my family for dinner next Saturday T: I will take care of myself during the dinner (e.g. by taking toilet breaks, …
Thank you for your response. Maisie’s point on the purpose of self-coaching really touched me. Why bother going through all the trouble of self-coaching? Here are my thoughts: I feel an obligation to be the best version of myself because I have chosen to have children. I don’t want to f- them up because I’ve …
I’d love to receive some coaching on the thought that healing or getting better is this long, drawn-out, complex and difficult process. I know Maisie has talked about how that is just something our brains are telling us and that it’s not inherently true. And honestly the idea that maybe healing can be simple, quick …
I work in a primary school where the children can work individually, which involves much more spontaneity and individual support/help. Today school started again after the holidays. At noon when we’ve eaten all together I’ve got really emotional and asked, if it’s okey, that I take a bit of time for myself and have eaten …
I’ve noticed a pattern of frustration and irritation with the different social groups I’ve been in, going back even 10 years ago, I literally get so pissed off with the people who I care about who constantly talk about the things they want to do, or problems they want to solve, and then do Nothing, …
Hello, I had a very lovely day in nature today and, whilst I was feeling so content and happy, I decided to agree to meet my parents, my brother and his girlfriend for dinner next Saturday. However, as soon as my dad texted me the location, I felt my energy shifting. I’ve felt excluded and …
I have formed an attachment to a manager at work. I thought I had before, but finding out they are leaving, confirmed I did. I felt sadness and loss. It’s an older (than me) male. To me, they’re sensitive, stable, reliable, enthusiastic, creative, they seem like a good loving father (spoken about and I’ve heard …
I work in a secondary school where the vast majority of staff are in the 20s and many of which still in their early 20s have taken on middle leadership positions. I have made the conscious decision not to – though I had been offered such a position. I have noticed this group of staff …
I am in a transition where I am starting two businesses, have just moved back to the United States, am living with my parents, and do not have a stable income or specific direction. When I think about my bigger dream and vision it is very clear. I see myself as an entrepreneur or business …
Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern that I’m trying to make sense of. when I hear about other peoples’ accomplishments or major life milestones, it brings up a lot of thoughts related to envy or resentment. The severity of the envy and whether resentment is included or not has to do with the stories I’ve …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
Thank you for the reply to the first question. I had no idea how black and white my thinking was until it was plainly written and how obvious! It was apparent I was leaving no space in the friendship for change (for better or worse) which limited me to two choices. Steps have been taken …
Hi lovely coaches! I am coming at you today with something that has been floating in my brain for the past couple of weeks. A friend and colleague of mine has had an accident a year ago, which was very physically and emotionally traumatic. It resulted in lots of health issue and a serious brain …
I have an ongoing problem that’s been there for a really long time in my relationship with my partner. The essence of it is that he struggles with verbal communication, and I struggle with intimate pleasure. I need to feel very safe to engage in intimacy and I get easily activated, so sometimes I don’t …
Problems with my partner that come up over and over Read More »
Hello! I just watched the Self Love Workshop from 2021, going through part of that workbook. I really resonated with the coaching for Gemma. The unintentional model about not showing up as herself with other people who she considers to be in a different social standing and feeling inadequate is also how I feel and …
Thank you for your answer. I love the thought “sometimes humans are judgmental and it’s ok” because it doesn’t make them judgmental humans but humans that are sometimes judgmental. I think this can help me to build different kinds of connections with them and accept them for who they are. Also, if I apply this …
I have tried to be explicit setting a boundary with my sister asking her not to ask me to lend her money. She asked me can she put money on my credit card for the space of 6 days. I think this is the part the makes it feel harder to say no, because it’s …
Hey lovely AAC coaches, Woof! Just finished up with nervous system mapping & listening to the first two creating safety calls. Started pursuing the goal of learning to work with my nervous system after recognising more & more that I spend a lot of time in freeze/dorsal. ‘I’m not good enough’ is a thought that …
I found myself criticising myself following a meeting at work last week. And spending time worrying about what the other person thought of me. The meeting and the outcome were fine, but I felt afterwards that I had talked too much, and wasn’t clear and articulate enough. And this all feeds into the idea I …
A huge thank you for your feedback and question. I took your question (if you could divide your list of things to help you achieve your goal of loving yourself into three categories, what would those categories be?) and your suggestion to bring self-love into it and worked with that and this is what I …
Hello, I’ve recently joined the flow collective and have not yet been in touch with a coach. I wondered if you could help me with some sticky situations I seem to find myself in with my son. He’s a strong willed beautiful boy and I (try to…) consciously/natural/attachment parent him (I’m also a solo parent). …
Thank you for the previous coaching, I am definitely working through that! I realise that after being coached live in the winter activate workshop, I have felt like in not sure if I actually have a word of the year, if its ok to have implementation, even after examining where it comes from, and if …
This is a continuation from a post I made about my reflections on the working less lesson: that if we all only do what we want to do, that wouldn’t be good for community, for support to occur, as we don’t always want to help or support, but we see that its necessary. I have …
Would support still exist if we all only did exactly what we want to do? Read More »
I have a very trivial circumstance that I think could be a good playground for exploring some models on some deeper self-critical thoughts I have about a belief that I am messy, chaotic and can sometimes be absent-minded. The circumstance is making pancakes at a friend’s parents’ house, the fire alarm went off multiple times …
I would like some support with processing my past relationship while being in a new one. I was in a 7-year relationship where during the last year or so, I was in constant doubt as to whether this was what I wanted or not. It was my first relationship and while I was happy for …
I hate to be a woman since im kid especially since my first period. Im angry to be a woman and jealous at men on how easy life seems to be for them. I have the impression i have served them all my life not taking care of my own needs, being victim of emotional …
Rumination and negative self talk destroying relationships Read More »
Dear coaches, I’ve joined TFC recently and have already learned a lot through coaching – both through Ask A Coach and self-coaching models – so today I decided it’s time to try and tackle a pattern that I have been struggling for years and years (I am mid-twenties now, but I remember struggling with this …
Hi AAC, This is something that has been whizzing around my brain for months but am yet to take any action. I thought I was more or less certain in the direction I was waiting for the ‘right time’, however the relationship coachings have shifted this. This friend I have known for 8 years and …
It was so helpful to identify that I rarely/ never acknowledge what I am good at in my role as a Pilates teacher. So simple, yet really showed me that I’m giving so much airtime to what I don’t think has gone well and not giving any thought to what I’m doing well. Over the …
I was recently asked by an acquaintance in a group if I would like to have a phone call with them to get to know each other better. Instead of telling the truth, that I don’t really have space in my life right now for a new friendship, I said that I would love to …
As I have to move out of my house I have been going to look at a number of different places to move to. I (we) got rejected from all of them, my occurring thoughts are all along the lines of why would they choose us? We are students. We are internationals. If I was …
For the past 6 weeks or so, I have felt quite overwhelmed by the Flow Collective and the process of thought work. I have felt that my capacity is limited, and what time I have to dedicate to my wellbeing needs to be spent doing things that calm and nourish me, like walking or meditating. …
Thanks for your response. Here are my thoughts on your questions. On reflection, the first goal and set of rocks works for me. It’s the second goal in particular that is causing my squirmishness. What do I see – too much; complicating things What do I think is lacking – specific actionables and outcomes (especially …
Hey again 🙂 Thank you for your support – what an uplifting and insightful reply that was. I’ll follow in line with the three questions I asked in Part 2. There is no question here, just to respond to your points with my thoughts and to clear the space before I come back in Part …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 3 Read More »
Thank you very much for your words, they were very helpful. I thought about this for a long time. To expect compassion in such a situation would have been too much for me. I clearly had a strong nervous reaction. One of my goals this year is to make my nervous system a top priority. …
Customer or Friend? Or: Turning from Defensiveness to Compassion (Pt. 2) Read More »
I binge eat. depending on the severity I am in so much pain/feeling too nauseous/tired to do anything. I am currently in contact with specialist help, but I would also like to use thought work to help me address specific triggers as I think sometimes it can be a tool to become incapacitated to avoid …
Hello Flow Coach, Thank you for your response and support. It is an ongoing issue, so I’ve created a ‘part 2’ to reply to your guidance. I used your guiding questions and it helped a lot. I’ll summarise my answers here and tell you what my action was. I also have a follow up question. …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 2 Read More »
I have been taking steps to become an intuitive eater as I want to not feel rubbish about how I look. It’s been going well and all in all I have felt okay. However I cannot help look at myself in photos and feel terrible about the way I look, ive cleansed my social media …
I have a problem with my partners naps and I haven’t managed to change my outlook on it over the last 5 years, I’d say maybe it even has got worse. They can fall asleep anywhere and never wake up when we agreed/their alarm goes off. Then spend the next x amount of time trying …
I’m recovering from a burnout from work . There are many reasons for the burnout , the work environment , my people pleasing tendencies, challenging projects, and tricky individuals and tricky projects. Im much stronger now , and slowly working towards going back to work . However there are certain individuals who were part of …
Thank you for your answer. It’s been really helpful to hear that other people thought’s about me are 50/50. I’ve applied the 50/50 rule to so many areas in my life (people I meet etc.) and it really helps to put things into perspective. Interestingly, it often made me realize that the part that feels …
I have listened to the evaluate webinar today and have thought about January on the basis of connection. Can you give me any feedback? Thanks Currently on day 26 so feeling a bit heavy hearted and depleted as I write this… What went well Connection with Charlie (husband) -Curry night once in month -Amazing sex …
I would like coaching on how to work out what is going on in my head and heart when I communicate with my husband – this might be impossible though ! I listened to Maisie’s webinar about relationships. I am stuck a bit on the idea that a lot of what we believe about other …
Hello previously I asked about my autumn goal (my spring) and was really stuck with actually advertising my business… This remains the problem…So I have decided to make my winter (my summer) goal : to advertise my health coaching business. My rocks are 1) create flyers, print and deliver locally (x 400 fliers). 2) create …
I had a course to deliver which I did not stick to the schedule I set out, to ensure the work didn’t overwhelm me. Which meant I was still tweaking bits on the day and part of it wasn’t ready and I had to alter what I planned to provide. I am proud that I …
Didnt finish my work in time – again. How do I shift this disappointment in myself? Read More »
My partner and I are trying to conceive. I found out last spring that I have polycystic ovaries and I was prescribed Letrozole to stimulate ovulation. Since I started the Letrozole treatment in November, I’ve ovulated twice, which is exciting. If I don’t get pregnant in the next few months though, my OBGYN is likely …
I am working on some models around my job and the relationship to my boss. Unintentional Model C: I work for my boss T: She wants to keep me small F: Hurt A: I withdraw so that she can’t hurt me, I stay small so that she wont really see me, I am very focused …
I’ve been really struggling with setting goals for myself for this year. There’s a lot of perfectionism coming up for me as I have a general sense of what this year is about and have done for some time, but I can’t seem to nail it into specific goals and rocks. I intentionally allowed myself …
Some context- Before joining the TFC I was in a position to take a professional opportunity that I felt could’ve enhanced my career but I declined to be considered due to the financial cost ( we were at the beginning all the cost of living stuff coming out in the media and I was spooked). …
Missed opportunities/borrowing tomorrow’s trouble for to day Read More »
I listened to Maisie being interviewed about her divorces on Sade Curry’s podcast last night and a couple of things she said about her ex-husband resonated with how I feel about my husband. This led me to wonder if I should get a divorce, which sent me into total fight or flight – I didn’t …
The previous week, I took several massive, imperfect actions to get closer toward my goal for 2023 – to move to a new country and to find a job in a new industry. This is a special goal for me because the reason behind it is simply that I want to do this. It’s entirely …
Thankyou for your previous guidance. I’ve been working on regulating my emotions and I’ve realised i’m struggling with accepting what is – I’ve realised ultimately I am still wishing it hadn’t happened. He was wrong to do it. She was wrong to behave the way she did. Everything I did was wrong. It wasn’t supposed …
I recently posted in the community the following: Been here several months and felt so much growth, but today is a test. The feelings of shame around leaving my self assessment tax return to the last minute are real. I know I have the tools to avoid a full on shame spiral, but a lot …
Hi coaches, I look part in the recalibrate and activate workshop which was so eye opening and helpful. As a new member, I wanted to run through my goal for this year to get your feedback and check I’m on the right path. The 3 results I’d like to create in 2023 are: 1. to …
Thank you – this really helps. 1. Here is a model that I’v e been exploring… C – exploring relationships in the past T – we are all human and everyone can make mistakes. It’s in the past. F – forgiveness for myself and others A – stop reuminating on the past and looking for …
Hi, I’m coming back nearly a month later. I have been wobbling around confidence and anxiety around my work, and I am coming back to an anxiety moment again. I’ve noted that it’s nearly a month since the last time, as I had a hysterectomy last summer. I still have my ovaries, but no idea …
Last summer, after ruminating about this for quite a while, I asked my boss for more responsibilities in order to use my full potential and to keep growing. And I also asked for a promotion. My boss was very surprised by me requesting a promotion as before I had just quietly been doing my thing …
Please can I have some feedback on my models and suggestions for ‘neutralising’ them C: Flexible working request declined. Correct legal process wasn’t followed. T: Fuck! F: Panic. A: Catastrophise, over-think, argue the case in my head, worry about the outcome, don’t get any work done R: Sit in inaction and overwhelm. C: FWR declined. …
Not getting what I asked for at work & fears around that Read More »
While listening to the webinar today on relationships, a hard question comes to me. Recently I expressed (more likely I exploded) to my partner some things I was not happy about. I hold these things in me for too long and seemed okay with things so when the way they came out was perceived by …
Hello! I am having trouble finalizing my goal and rocks for the year. I was diagnosed with autism about a year and a half ago and have been working on unmasking and figuring out who I am. I want this year to be about really knowing myself and loving that person. I am stuck on …
Hello again, I am working towards my goals that I set in January- I chose the word “Shine”. So far I’ve been really pleased with all the progress I have made regarding my goals. However, I have noticed that lots of the professional aims I have relate to being recognised- winning awards, getting featured etc …
Thank you for your answer! Yes, there were two instances were two different people said something to me. Right at the beginning, when the horse developed his issues the other person riding the horse said to me “when we’re riding the horse, we don’t notice when something is wrong and that’s why he’s developed his …