I am returning home to Ireland from New Zealand after 6 years (yay!) to spend 6 weeks with my friends and family over Christmas. Something I have on my mind is alcohol consumption while I’m home. Over the past 2/3 years, my drinking habits have changed significantly. In Ireland, as is the culture unfortunately, I …
Dear coaches, At the moment I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. I am happy with the pregnancy and was longing for it for a long time, but the last three weeks I am really struggling. I am tired, I have nauseas and the most difficult thing is that I don’t enjoy anything. …
How to take care of myself in first weeks of pregnancy? Read More »
Thanks for the reply! As you guessed, there are lots of thoughts and feelings that drive my behaviour around this, but I’ve dug deep and I think the three main feelings are: longing (or desire); criticalness or judgement; and frustration. C: Body shape and weight T: I looked better when I weighed less F: longing …
Weight / Flat Stomach / Thought Patterns – Part II Read More »
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so grateful for this space, thank you (and for myself in choosing to reach out!). I find it hard to celebrate the living with pain, not because it’s not an achievement worth celebrating (because it is) but because I don’t have a choice. I’m just surviving and not …
I am writing this from my bed when not being at work. I also posted this one in the community and got some great response from Maisie. I would love to take this one deeper and explore it further here in AAC. Last week I called myself in sick at work for three days. Due …
Hello! I’ve been leaning into decisions from the perspective of ‘what is the most loving thing to do right now’, as well as journalling of an evening of where I could have loved myself more, and simple things I could have done differently. One sticky place when I’m feeling these questions hard to nail is …
What’s the most loving thing? Conflicting care imperatives Read More »
Hi coaches I’m struggling with my relationship with alcohol. I seem to use it to calm my nervous system and regulate myself, but I have wanted to reduce my intake for a while – and it doesn’t seem to be going well. My levels are not what would be considered problematic as I only have …
Thank you! I journal each day and have been writing down my wins for each day at the start of each entry to celebrate myself everyday. I notice myself not being compassionate to myself around choices I make around my use of time outside of working hours. I am critical when I spend time scrolling …
I have a lot of headaches. I don’t know why – I think they are muscular/ whiplash/ grinding /hormone/ sleep related but I don’t know. The doctor is concerned about drug-induced headaches, due to the regularity of painkiller I take. I’m also concerned about this. He wants me to try preventive daily medication (I also …
I have been dipping my toes into the feelings I have during dance lessons (Judged, Ashamed and a sprinkle of desperation) Here are two models I have come up with, including the one you suggested in the last response. C: Dance workshop T: These people are not openly welcoming F: Judged. S: Tensed, Out-of-body . …
Part II: Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy Read More »
Dear coaches, i am currently in a 4 day intensive acrobatic-dance workshop. My movement background is not dance, I am an evolving climber and handbalancer and aspire to become a dancer. In this workshop, the lever of participants is really high, most having many years of dance experience and wanting to pursue a career in …
Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy… Read More »
Hello Coaches, I recently watched Maisie’s “About Time” call, and since watching it I have become more aware of how I use my time and have realised that I am in charge of what I do, which feels really positive. I’ve identified that my main priority right now is to return to self employment and …
Hi there! I read through some of the other sended Ask A Coach Answers and read these words: ‘That sounds like an normal 40-year old woman to me’. This was a response to someone sharing their experience. This made me really afraid. This is the model: UM: C: Read those words. T: Being 40-something will …
Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot about my current dating goals atm. Something I’ve noticed is that I often go for a similar ‘type’ and have quite a potentially limiting idea of what that looks like for me / and who I swipe for. I wonder if this could be limiting the luck I’m having. …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this Read More »
I learned about a study in which a group of women with active jobs were told that the work they do (cleaning hotel rooms) is good exercise, and the control group was not. Their behaviour didn’t change but after four weeks the women in the informed group showed improved health markers compared to those in …
Hi coaches, thank you for the wonderful work you do! I think my brain has been focussing on ways in which me and my partner are different and making this a problem. This pattern has been exacerbated since having a child. Here are some examples: One of the things I focus on is that he is …
I’m looking for some ideas for how I can coach myself through some issues surrounding food that I have become aware of in recent years, particularly since becoming a mum. I don’t consider myself to he someone that has issues around food because I love to eat, I don’t limit or restrict myself and certainly …
This is my November goal, I would love to know if you have any builds? Goal: Practice taking more time for myself to move my body. Rocks: – practice by taking small amounts of time – be curious by trying it even when it feels wrong – do thought work around feeling guilty – Use …
Hello coaches, So I have recently been diagnosed as perimenopausal at 40 and started HRT a week ago. I am really struggling with my mindset during all of this, being obsessed with whether it’s working and feeling low about whether it’s going to work. Generally negativity. Low motivation but wanting to get back to the …
I’ve wanted to write this post so many times but always struggle with where to start, so I think a thought download might help. I’ve been struggling with ROCD (relationship OCD) for nearly two years now, it came completely out of the blue in my decade long relationship, where beforehand I felt the luckiest person …
Hello team, I did not want to trigger anyone in the Flow community via Facebook, with this model, as I am trying to find a way through an eating disorder. I haven’t engaged with the Flow Collective wholeheartedly as I haven’t felt ready but I want to try but I am so scared of getting …
Coming back for coaching on this again many months later… Reading back to the previous two coaching responses on this, you’re absolutely right that my reasons for exercising are like a mum trying to get a child to eat vegetables because they’re “good for you”! I don’t feel motivated or committed to doing more exercise …
I’m finding the interaction when someone offers me food I don’t want to eat (specifically here chocolate/sweet things) tricky. These days, I try to avoid highly sweet/processed foods, as I have identified them as a big trigger for my PCOS and IBS symptoms. I’ve noticed that people love to offer these exact foods, frequently! I …
A people pleasing behaviour that’s hard to shift Read More »
Dear coaches, I have made a roadmap of how it would look like (and feel like) if I was approaching my training fully from connection, self-care and curiosity of how far I can go, realizing many of the things I am already doing. (YAY!!!)The key aspect I found was to be faithful both in the …
Exploring inner landscape around training – part 2 Read More »
I am curious to know how what the coaches from The Flow Collective think about botox and fillers. I know that you don’t give (medical) advice. I am not looking for advice, but for helpful thoughts around this. I have done a thought download around the idea of taking botox: Getting botox or fillers is …
Hi Coaches, I am pregnant and celebrating that I am now in my 13th week of pregnancy. I had a check up today and I am so grateful that both my baby and me are fine. It has been a challenging time, partly because I had a previous loss. So I want to take this …
Hi, I’m turning 30 in 4 months, and I’ve noticed recently that I’ve been having a lot of thoughts / awareness around ageing. I know that this is a classic milestone point where it’s probably natural to reflect on things. In general, I feel very proud of all of the experiences I’ve had and the …
I have been shopping for new clothes since moving here which I haven’t been able to do in years. Living in China, there weren’t many options. The brands available were limited and the clothes were often too young or trendy for my taste. I was often faced with changing my style and feeling ‘not me’ …
Dear coaches, according to one of my rocks I would like to explore my inner landscape around the topic of body image and training, which I tend to approach from a rather perfectionistic side. There is a duality: I always want to become better, learn more, develop from feelings like curiosity, energy, determination. But I …
Exploring inner landscape – Resistancy to the darkness Read More »
I am trying to improve my thought work around times of flare up when i suffer pain, not knowing when i will feel better. my default over the years has been to simply rally and over achieve or go help someone else with their needs. I then get exhausted and burn out for a time.. …
Dear coach, While I was setting my goals for this season I realized that I chose a trekker/ hiker pace although some might think I have many projects on my plate (new job, learning a new language, applying for citizenship, planning a 3m overseas trip with partner and friends, getting my health back after years …
[setting my goals keeping in mind of cycles burning out in the past] Read More »
Dear coach, I joined a little late and missed the call about goals and goalsetting. I made a model from what i saw on the fb page. Now I had a thought and had quite a few things that i could pick a goal on. Like growing my own breathwork buisnis. Working towards giving autism …
Hello, I am trying to shift both thought and action patterns around sleep. I am in a pattern of eating quite late and then correspondingly going to bed quite late (e.g. typically in bed around 11 pm) and then getting up just after 7 am. This leaves me with not quite enough sleep – not …
Hi again, Thanks for your previous feedback, I’ve pulled out the two things you mentioned – Feeling overwhelmed, and feeling lazy – and would appreciate you’re feedback on the two models I’ve created. After a TDL, I updated the thought line in my model: C: 3 years have passed since I did yoga daily. T: …
I’ve had some mixed feeling about body hair and the removal of body hair. Tried a few models. I am quite new to models and find myself struggling with result line the most. C: I don’t shave but get an occasional leg, bikini and underarm wax T: I don’t know if this fits with my …
Hello, Here is my autumn goal. I’ve thought hard about the wording to ensure its a clean goal and am keen for feedback… GOAL Embrace physical movement in autumn Why is this a goal? I’d like to be fitter to enjoy my physical hobbies more. I think exercise is important for my short term and …
Hi Coaches 🙂 I’ve just caught up from the Model Mastery Back to Basics course and wanted to share my model for feedback. TDL: On Sunday morning I’d planned to do yoga in the evening but I didn’t end up doing it. I’d planned to start the Yoga with Adriene October series which started Sunday, …
Dear Amy and Casey, I will have an ankle surgery next week to remove screws from an emergency surgery a year ago when I got injured during the finals of a bouldering competition. I have many many thoughts about this and would like to get some help on managing my mind around the topic. 1. …
Hi, I would love to have a feedback on a model I don’t seem to harness. Here’s what happens, I’m going through post covid syndrome, it’s been one year and 9 months. I improved over that time, but I’m still very tired, with muscle pain and headaches. I’ve learned to rest but it seems to …
Hi coaches, I’ve suffered with bouts of health anxiety since I was a child and had various CBT an counselling about it. More recently I’ve been taking anti-anxiety medication which I came off a few months ago. I’ve had some ongoing back and neck issues recently to do with a sports injury and seen a …
Hi Coaches, Its my first time setting a goal for a season and I would appreciate some feedback and pointers on it and also maybe how I can simplify. Setting an autumn goal comes after 12 months of being unemployed, going into a deep burnout and a slow recovery process carrying the uncertainty and trying …
Bringing this unintentional model following model mastery call with Maisie. C – not taking medication T – I’m neglecting this need F – frustrated S – clenched jaw A – gather negative thoughts about why I’m not taking medication. Increase in anxiety (social too), super self-aware R – I’ve collected evidence of how i’m neglecting …
Thank you for the great coaching. Those R lines are definitely correct, thanks for finding those. When I look at those two models, I feel deflated and sad. I did some journalling around the questions: “Is it absolutely true that I’m a weak person?” and the only answer I could find is “yes, it’s true.” …
Hi, I have noticed that I’ve put weight on recently. I have steadily gained weight since the pandemic really, and the change to wfh lifestyle but it’s probably also to do with my age, being about to turn 30 etc. My relationship with my body is a complex one. In my family, some members have …
Hi, This one feels like a random one… and yet it’s also something that’s bothered me for a long long time, actually my entire life – and it’s always coming up on my to do lists as something ‘to do’ and improve at. It’s my relationship with drinking water! For as long as I remember, …
Dear coaches, When I joined TFC a year ago, the main thing I wanted to fix was my commitment to exercise. I know it does wonders for mood and energy levels. I have made no progress on this. I am really unfit and not strong, and I wish this was different. If I’ve a big …
What jumped out at me about your response was this: You wrote “your thoughts about them judging you is harming you much more than any words they can say” and I AGREE. I think I would feel hurt by their “judging” me if it was about any topic. I have felt hurt in the past …
Feeling Fear About Being Perceived As Single And Unhappy About It – Part 3 Read More »
Hi coaches! I’ve been working with my nervous system for about two weeks and I can see that a shift is happening during the days. I notice when I leave ventral-vagal and can actively try to slowly get back. This works by breathing deeper, touchingy hands, telling myself that I am safe and – if …
Hi, I’ve been recovering from burn-out/ long-covid and also have a very light (looks almost like disappearing) period. I have gotten the advice from a health care proffesional (chinese medicine) to combine the herbs with some light exercise. I can’t put myself to doing it. I feel very tired since I’m now also working fulltime …
I watched the nutrition webinar today and I am feeling excited about improving my nutrition. However, I know there are some underlying thought patterns that I would like to change. I’ve always been quite a fussy eater, and growing up we ate quick meals of mostly the same things. Even as an adult I feel …
“Where do you think your relationship is with them now?” separate, clinical, mistrusting “Where do you want it to be?” kind, caring, trusting, appreciative, integrated I want to move from tolerating to liking it, to give my body nice things too.,not just functional things like medication. To see it in a loving integrated way. To …
I have noticed that I am not treating my body the way I want to treat it or feel like I should treat it. I take care of what’s necessary like minimal movement, nourishment, medication, basic hygiene, etc. but I don’t do it lovingly and if it’s not a problem, meaning it doesn’t hurt too …
Hi Coaches, I’ve realised i have a pattern of always looking for a fix – I will be okay if i’m somewhere else, if i’m thinner, if i have a partner, if i am a “success” at work… I know this is quite common, trying to change the circumstance, and I realise it doesn’t work …
I’m a 38 year old mother of one beautiful 5 year old boy. Being adopted, I have long struggled with issues around self identity and body image. This was often compounded by the symptoms associated with terrible endometriosis and hormonal imbalance. Despite a VERY happy pregnancy, after my son was born I endured severe, life …
Learning how to navigate hormone challenges with kindness and self love Read More »
I’m in recovery from anorexia which I was very unwell with for several years. I’ve been in recovery and stable for about five years now. In the last week I’ve noticed my mind fixating on food more than usual and having thoughts which create feelings of guilt and anxiety about what I’ve eaten. Often it’s …
Hi, I think I’ve rather belatedly set my summer goal and rocks. I’ve not managed to actually do them before, so would really appreciate some feedback please. I’m not sure if they fall into the too vague/specific realm. Goal – rebuild my energy / recharge Rocks: 1. Get enough sleep (too subjective, maybe?). 2. Move …
Hello coaches, I have a question for you around pressure. I am working on a number of goals that are really important to me- one is a work goal and the other a personal goal. I feel like I want to achieve them so bad that I put a lot of pressure on myself to …
I am trying to re model my acceptance in change of body since having my son as I know that deep down it is because of the way I have been wired. As a professional dancer, I constantly had people (and myself) comment on the way I looked and now I look back, my power …
Self confidence and acceptance since giving birth Read More »
Looking for coaching on negative self-talk following recent weight gain Last year I stopped eating refined sugar for six months to try to improve a health condition I was dealing with – it didn’t really help with the health condition but I inadvertently lost quite a bit of weight. A few people made positive comments …
I have an diagnosis of ASC and have always had issues around time management and being late – in fact it once was one of the main reasons that I had to quit a professional training opportunity in the past. I have found leaving my flat difficult on occasion, can be easily distracted and can …
Shame around being late and lack of time management skills Read More »
I have been trying to lose a bit of weight for the past 8 months. I have lost some, but I would like to lose more. When I think about losing weight, I can feel it’s a dirty goal rather than a clean goal, and I’d like to improve my thoughts/feelings about how my body …
I’ve been suffering with what I thought was burnout. I’m now thinking it might be post natal depression following an abortion. It was really traumatic and I don’t think I’ve processed it well. But I’m not really sure how to? Similarly, my body has changed a lot during the process. And I’m struggling to feel …
Hello coaches, I am currently in an emotionally very challenging situation and noted that I procrastinate doing stuff that I know will make me feel better and instead buffer with scrolling on social media and other things. For example, I know doing a thought download would be really helpful right now, but I just can’t …
Every relationship check-in we cover the topic of “health” and we both would like to do more exercise and ideally would like it to be something we do together that helps us feel more connected, rather than another evening of the week spent apart (I do choir and therapy 2 nights of the week) We …
Trying to start exercising with my partner 09/07/23 Read More »
Hello! My first time using ask a coach, so here it goes 🙂 Yesterday I got two new tattoos. I already had one from 5 years ago that I tolerate (but not love), so I was excited to be getting something new that I would be really happy with. I decided that I wanted to …
So in the summer goals workshop an unexpected goal came up for me. I would love to stop picking my hair/skin. I often find myself feeling around my skin for “imperfections” and picking at spots, which can then bleed, or feeling strands of hair for splitting ends and picking them out. Its not debilitating, but …
Hi coaches, The past three days I have been struggling with my heavy back pain and feeling lost and out of control. I have had these back issues for two years, got it diagnosed which has been a relief knowing what it is but also a struggle because there is not one easy fix. I’ve …
I’ve just come back from a fitness holiday with a friend. The run up to this holiday brought up a lot of stuff – feeling like I needed to get fitter, smaller and more toned, and frustration that my body no longer seems to respond as it used to (if I ate a bit less …
Hi there, Thank you so much. I feel like I’m making big realisations through this work – it’s like peeling an onion and getting closer and closer to the real issue! To answer the latest questions: What does it mean that you are a heavier weight than all of your friends to you? I think …
Thank you for your answer which really resonated with me. I think I’m trying to avoid awkward situations because I tend to take even silly remarks way to serious. Years ago, I was flying to the US to give a talk at a conference. When I passed security at the airport, a young men working …
Hello, I would like some feedback on the goal and rocks I have chosen for the Summer season. I have chosen my yoga practice but really it’s about saying I’ll do something and trusting myself to do it. Goal = Have a dedicated, regular yoga practice Rocks 1. Decide every Sunday at what time I’ll …
Thank you. I feel like this is a good way to unpick the core beliefs rather than just looking at the actions. I’ve been thinking about my Summer goals and taking this forward. I think alcohol, food consumption and body image all play a part in this jumble. Do you think this works as a …
I’ve been working on implementing intuitive eating into my life since the beginning of the year. So far, I’ve found that apparently, I used to restrict my eating more than I thought, which now that I have loosened that, has resulted in some weight gain. Now multiple things are happening: On the one hand, I …
Intuitive eating, body image, and deep-rooted beliefs Read More »
I’m in perimenopause and have been experiencing hair loss over the last few months. Just wondering if there are any resources in TFC to help with this? And also from the hormones 101 doc there are some supplements recommended for supporting low estrogen : Supplements to consider: Vitamin E, Pomegranate, Maca, Black Cohosh, Dong quai, …
I have had psoriasis for a long time. It has appeared in different places; I once had an outbreak (at a very stressful time) all over my torso, legs and scalp. It always lives on my knees and elbows. A few years ago an outbreak started around my genitals. I tried so many different ways …
Hello Maisie, the flow collective team and to anyone reading. I am going through a complicated process of learning. I have long covid symptoms, tiredness is the strongest and heaviest of them. It is complicated because it interferes with my life. And now doctor says I have “to rest”. I just finished a 6 year …
Thank you, it was so supportive to wake up yesterday and have a coaching response so soon after submitting. I’ve found the questions you suggested to be very helpful and have spent a bit of time writing down my thoughts. I also found last night, that as well as writing to AAC, it was helpful …
Hi, I have a holiday coming up in a week and I’m really struggling with feelings of disappointment in myself and shame for not having made the changes to my body that I had planned to. I know that I shouldn’t even be worrying about my size, but I am, and I’m struggling with feelings …
I am a view weeks in seed cycling and it is going quite well. I like the feeling of taking care of myself hereby. I also got a view good tips from the community on how to eat the seeds e.g. by using pastes (tahini etc.) or powders/flours (shredding the seeds). But one question still …
I feel good about the rocks but find them hard to implement. I weight myself 2 – 3 times a day. I’m dieting sensibly during the week and often lose 2 pounds but then drink / eat ‘bad’ food at the weekend so by Monday I’ve put it back on again and then feel shame …
Thank you for your generosity in sharing the story of your experience with your child. Your are right… It was just a mistake I made and doesn’t have to mean anything about me. Unhooking who I am from the thing I did has been helpful. Going forward there are 2 things I think would help: …
Hello, A couple of weeks ago, I arrived in Melbourne, the city where I spent my twenties, for a 2.5 month stint away from my home. I didn’t realise it at the time but my intention was to come here to ‘level up’ – much as Maisie described in her podcast – to deliberately shake …
Boundaries and difficulty sharing space with a close friend Read More »
I just completed the buffering toolkit. I wrote down the following regarding eating chocolate: Around 7pm – am I buffering? This doesn’t feel right, it’s more like I need to relax and chocolate is a bad habit I’ve used to ‘enjoy’ the moment but lately I’ve been inhaling it, not savouring it, it’s become more …
Hello, I’ve been a member for around two months. I woke up this morning with feelings and realisations swirling, and don’t know how to begin, or how to get it out exactly but I’ll have a go. I think by typing I’ll find the question. I met my partner 5 years ago, in a very …
Unresolved sexual shame, trauma and the unsafty I still feel Read More »
Hi, All through my relationship with my husband – 12 years together – I have struggled with physical attraction towards him. We got together after some previous difficult relationships where I had prioritised physical attractiveness over personality and when I met him I fell for his kind and caring nature and the sense of safety …
Hello lovely coaches! I’d love your help please. My partner is quite frequently away with work and I find myself turning to takeaways when he’s away. The rest of the time I eat pretty healthily, but I find if I haven’t had time to prep food for myself in the day I often end up …
I am struggling with fatigue and it is slowly seeping in to other aspects of my life and really making me feel blue. I am doing all the right things regarding diet, lifestyle, sleep habits yet still I am waking feeling exhausted. I have contacted the Dr for advice, blood tests etc. In the meantime …
Thanks for your response (see below) In answer to your question ‘why do you say yes to glasses of wine when you don’t really want to?’ I think in all honesty, there is a part of me that does want to – I want the ‘escape’ that alcohol brings. I have recently found out that …
Hi coaches! I am recovering from what I believe is a burnout, that had been building up over the past years. I now feel so much better already, but I still have to be very protective of my energy. I notice that when I put a little too much on my plate, I relapse quite …
Hello! I want to share my resent experience and exploration. And am curious in some outside thought on it. I found myself lost. (middle of autumn) all sorts of emotions etc. Big plans ahead… And I was being harsh on myself that I am lost and overwhelmed when it comes to handle more then one …
I work in a great female team (3 of us) but we have every different work boundaries. Its a physical job, but obviously like with all jobs, there is admin, and it never gets done at work due to pressure on the other physical stuff to do. I am very reluctant to work outside of …
My partner and I are going through a dry spell at the moment. We don’t have sexy often, maybe 2 or 3x a month. We’re together for 2 years and this year has been particularly dry so far. He’s engaged in a draining course that should finish at the end of 2023, as well as …
I have a history of eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) and have been what doctors would call recovered for about a decade, but last year I finally acknowledged to myself how much room the eating disorder and associated beliefs still take up in my brain and how much of an impact they still have on …
Hi there, I’d love some help with how I am approaching not drinking alcohol at the moment. I stopped drinking at new year. It’s something I have considered doing for years but never had the confidence to do this before. Alcohol doesn’t agree with me but I have a binge drinking past of fun nights …
Hi, I’d like some coaching on my reaction towards perceived criticism. I feel I am sensitive to criticism and often take things that could be considered feedback as a personal attack. I recently completed the Criticism module on the cycle toolkit and found it very interesting and useful. Then when I was teaching my Pilates …
Hi there, I’d really appreciate some help with setting my spring goal. I’d really like to improve my level of self care and have more fun/play/lightheartedness and connection with others in my life. I think this is because over the last few months I have become much more involved and taken on a role trying …
I am in 7th year of a very rocky health journey. Feels like I am finally coming out of the dark hole into the light. Saying that, I was not “stuck in” at any point of that, I still was challenging myself to go out, socialise, run my business, and house, taking care of my …
Dear coaches, My Spring goal is to change my goal with alcohol: – To drink 3 nights and 4 nights off – To feel more in control about it rather than a flaw on my personality. I can enjoy it without it feeling like a burden on me. – To allow myself time off/periods when …
I have a long-term goal of acheiving no premenstrual spotting. I have just attended the Goal Setters call with Maisie, and it has left me wondering if it’s a good goal or not! I thought about why I want to achieve it – its annoying, it’s a sign that my cycle isn’t happy. Here are …
In January I got a diagnosis of a chronic autoimmune disease. I had a few symptoms at the time, but I would have never have guessed that it was going to be an issue that was big (I was expecting them to tell me I had a vitamin D deficiency or something!). It left me …