I have recently set a boundary with my mum – I asked her not to ask me any more about my plans for baby/pregnancy for 6 months. I said that I would update her when there is something to update. Context: I had an ectopic pregnancy earlier in the year and have had a break …
Thank you so much for your answer. In the past, when I’ve had the thought “it’s unfair” it made be depressed. I often thought “what’s the point anyway because my brother will always get more praise / attention (from my parents) no matter what I do”. So I think I want to avoid the thought …
Thoughts About My Brother’s Career And Life Pt III Read More »
After some reflection (and coaching), I realised that my feelings were legitimate, “right” and that I didn’t have to or couldn’t talk myself out of them. I told her honestly how I felt and also clearly signalled my boundaries – for me, friendship always comes before a one-night stand, and the fact that she ignored …
My best friend slept with my first great love (Part 2) Read More »
Hey there! Lately I’ve been having recurring problems with my mom. And I can’t seem to figure out how to apply the coaching model in these situations. Pls help. It’s situations like this: We currently live in the same flat. My mom, my two sons ( 4 and 1) and I. Often my mom will …
Hello! First time submitting a question here. Hope I’m doing this right. // Context: Late diagnosed autistic, in my 30s Ok, so every now and then my mum and me get into a really bad fight/misunderstandings and I end up feeling with a very activated nervous system and feel like a bad person and that …
I feel really sad to see the result line is “I don’t have a friendship” 🙁 Reading it back, I think the way I wrote my first submission was a bit unclear. My friend used to use the fact that we don’t speak often as friends as a way of guilting me into doing more …
I have a close friend who I started working with on a freelance basis a few years ago. It was fun until it wasn’t, and I told him I wasn’t interested in doing more freelance work. At first I used migraines and my health as an excuse and told him I was too sick to …
Thank you. I’ve had a difficult reaction to it, mostly the suggestion to change my result line to ‘you make life harder for yourself’. I felt angry and upset at that, as it landed as very self-critical and (for me) destructive. I have a lifetime habit of self-criticism and being really unkind to myself, which …
I am finding it increasingly hard to have a loving relationship with my mum. From an early age she suffered from what the doctors believed to be manic depression, but she has had many different diagnosis’ since. I believe, like me and my daughter, that my mother is autistic. Growing up, she was increasingly absent. …
Hi, I really struggle to tell my boss when he’s pushing too much onto me. I never ask for help. It never even occurs to me to ask. How do I stop this negative cycle in my life? Answer: You could start by noticing how you are telling this story about yourself. What …
A school friend who I have not seen or spoken to in over a decade was/is keen to meet up after I reached out on Facebook. When she said she needed to talk to me about something and get advice I suspected it was to do with problems in her second marriage and after having …
Hello, I have a situation I’m trying to deal with currently.. trying to let myself just feel the emotion : pissed off ! Without judging myself. There have been many moments with my housemate when I’ve thought the thought ‘that’s pretty disrespectful’ and not said anything… and now I have and her response was. Well …
Dear lovely coaches, I’m driving myself crazy with my inability to understand what I think about a relatively new friend of mine. I noticed that before and during my period, when feeling the weakest, I see this person as requesting too much of my energy, difficult, triggering. I refused to text her or call her …
Thanks for your coaching. I already made some changes in my behaviour towards this app. I look only in the morning at it. It gives me rest. My thought around it is: ‘I only look in the morning.’/’The rest of the day I can let it go.’ You ask about what makes me think messages …
Hi, I had a breakup 6 months ago. It wasn’t a straight forward one, because we weren’t actually together officially – and had broken up a year and a half before that. But stayed in touch, on and off, and been exploring whether to get back together etc. In the end, he said he didn’t …
C: Sunday evening: I wanted to go home and relax in anticipation of a stressful working week ahead, my partner asked me to stay and help with a construction T: No, I don’t want to but I have to, they need my help F: Anger, my needs being neglected; knowing that I did not communicated …
Thank you for this response, it was incredibly thought-provoking. I love that now I am aware of this pattern of mine, that I have the power to stop it. And that it doesn’t just look like the actions I take to find someone who ‘has their shit together’, but maybe realising that for whoever I …
Hello. I am after direction on how to nourish and protect yourself from a traumatic event becoming PTSD. My understanding is that trauma is an event being outside our understanding of normal and the traumatic response is when our ability to cope goes to sh!t (Faith G Harper, Unf#ck Your Brain). The context here is …
I need help with my model, but also need some coaching! C: My partner watches YouTube videos T: He’s addicted to his phone F: Angry S: Headache – tight grip by my temples. Hunched shoulders. Tight in my chest. A: I imagine confronting him. I worry. I wait till I feel like I’m going to …
Hi coaches, I have this situation that I need some help with. My friend is going for a long time through a bad time, after a sudden breakup. I have done my very best to be there for my friend and help her at any time. We have known each other for many years now. …
at work, I was talking about scheduling a meeting with colleagues and I had a sudden headache, I felt cold and slightly sick. This is totally normal for me when it comes to scheduling conversations. It stresses me out so accutely and I want to get some coaching on it. I have done some models …
Thanks! I did a very long thought download and I could start to sort out my thoughts and feelings a bit more. The most intense thoughts I had where: – I am a horrible daughter / human – I have to explain myself so that they don ´t think that I am such a horrible …
In January my partner and I moved into a new (bigger) house and since then a close friend has been living with us. This is partially why we bought this house with more space, bc we liked the idea of cohabitation. It has been fun in some ways, but also an adjustment. The initial difficulties …
I had a huge insight this week and after the coaching I got back from AAC. The reason I want to work less also has to do with me not believing I am capable of changing in my behaviours: taking more breaks, saying no more often, setting strong boundaries in work-time. When I imagine myself …
*trigger warning sexual assault The question was about what might come up for me, if i consider emotional check points towards feeling more empowered. I realise there is a lot of emotions bottled up for me around the topic that I have yet to fully understand and explore. My thought download for this. I rationally …
Hello, I would love some coaching on my relationship with my mum. In my 20’s we used to be so close and then since me having children in my 30’s it’s changed our relationship. I thought it would bring us closer – bonding over motherhood. But I feel this wedge between us on how differently …
I have some health issues (PCOS/irregular cycle and eczema/chronic skin issues) that the conventional health care system doesn’t seem to have sufficient answers to (as in, they will only treat the symptom, eg with cortisone cream, but not the root cause). I’m seeing an acupuncturist every week since last October for the PCOS, who has …
Hi coaches. I’m back with something I’ve been coached on before that came up in today’s coaching call with Maisie and also because I’m entering autumn, when the fears and doom and gloom often start creeping in. I’ve been coached before about going into a stress response when I worry or think my partner is …
In January, I agreed to participate in a 10min roundtable discussing work that I was involved in. At the time, I asked the organiser to contact me in May to discuss plans and confirm participation. Last Friday, I received an email regarding the event and found that my contribution appears to be a 90min lecture …
Thank you for your advice – I originally did have that I am more bitchy to my sister in law on my result line, but I took it out, probably because I didn’t want myself to look bad! I think you are right that it belongs there and I could probably do a separate model …
Thank you for the coaching. Seeing the harsh ways I’m telling the story and talking about myself was very helpful and confronting. I like the way you said the way I’m telling the story feels very true to me. You asked what do I believe about myself in friendships, and after thinking about it I …
I would love some advice on my models, please. Context first. My father is very over bearing, I’m convinced her is neuro divergent, he doesn’t have conversations but rather bulldozes with monologues. He loves me a lot, thinks I’m special, but will never call or make contact with me. I dread calling him because it’s …
Hello, I have taken some time off work this week. I’m not going away and would like to use this time to rest as it is my first whole week off this year. However, I always find it very difficult to rest. I have planned some activities for this week but I’m noticing that I’m …
I am a cover teacher that has been working at the same school for the past 7 or so years (part time). I know and have a good relationship with the staff and students but have never felt ‘part of the team’. I am employed by an outside agency and my role at the school …
I think my standards of social media are actually pretty high and that I feel like I can’t live up to that standards I have. The standards are: – Reply within maximum 1 day – Reply as soon as possible at important messages (other people sharings their emotions with me or invitations) – Sending birtday …
When I am around my mum I feel tight chested, I can feel a pressure and tightness around my throat, and often my stomach feels tense. I then act more irritably, and have very little patience or compassion towards her. She then gets upset, and I feel bad because I have made her upset. I …
Repeat feelings and behaviours when around my mum Read More »
Hi dear coaches, Thank you for taking the time for this! My previous questions was called “seperation anxiety”, and you gave me some great questions and thoughts to work with, so here I am, after the thoughtwork I did, and I’m wondering if you could help me in the part of the self-coaching model where …
Hi coaches, Thank you so much for your reply. It has been really interesting to question why I wanted “calm”. It’s kind of like saying feel nothing isn’t it? So what does calm really mean to me? I think in this context it means safe. On some level I feel threatened in this situation. When …
thank you for this coaching. I had a sense my model so far wasn’t really lined up with reality, and I’m still sifting through this, but the idea that fear is a big root of the issue does seem helpful. reworking the models for this… C: husband said he feels unloved and abused in our …
I am 3 weeks into a new role at work, in which I am managing a small team. The project is new for everyone involved, exciting, I love the job and am excited to be managing a smaller team than I was before. When I was offered the role, the hiring manager disclosed to me …
Hello, I am found myself in positions of care a few times in my life due to partners/friends/family members getting ill. I want to work on feeling confident that I have healthy boundaries around this. When I was younger I had an experience where I dropped everything to care for my partner at the time …
Thanks for your reply and for the food for thought. In answer to your questions; What emotion do you feel that precedes/sparks you speaking harshly to your daughter? IT’s having the thought that I’m out of control of the situation. That even though I’m the adult, I’m not in control. This feels like rising heat …
Struggling To Find Boundaries With My Child- Part 2 Read More »
Good morning Can I be directed please to resources around knowing and figuring out when it’s time to confront a situation or coach yourself through it and not speaking feeling in certain circumstances? I find that difficult to know when to confront or suck it up (coach myself through it) I have a few circumstances …
Knowing when to confront a situation or coach through Read More »
My mental well-being is deteriorated by the drum noise from my neighbor (and also by the thought that it might start in a second). It casts a big shadow on my mental health. I feel negotiation is stuck, I fear I might “lose” my fight for my quiet and peaceful life, as a result I …
Neighbour drum noise negotiation and my well-being Read More »
I have moved to a new town and new house few months back and was really kin on making friends with locals. Next door neighbour is similar age to me and we have a lot in common and we see each other often for a coffee and chat. Recently I am finding myself agreeing to …
Hi there, I need some help with my self-coaching. I want to work on my thoughts relatively to my relationship with my ex-partner. He’s being very difficult and I struggle with fear and anger in response to his bullying behaviors each time I try to stick to my boundaries. What I would like to find …
Hi, I’m a flow collective newbie and this is my first AAC I’m a mum to a wonderful and strong willed daughter, aged 3. I am an ADHDer (and I believe I’m autistic, though my ASD hasn’t been formally diagnosed. ) I mention this as there’s a possibility my daughter is also ND. I grew …
Hi coaches, I have an unintentional model which I have been sitting with for a while now and have tried an intentional model , would it be possible to get some feedback on it? These are related to many different minor work stressors which could be tied into one theme. Briefly, I’m frustrated because I …
Unintentional and intentional models over minor work stressors Read More »
When I think about how my husband should behave I think he should act in a way that he wants to act, do the things he wants to do (which would be him being true to himself). I also think he should take care of himself and see his health as an investment in our …
Hi Coaches! My sister has asked me if I can take care of my niece in a couple of weeks, so that she and her husband can go to a friend’s birthday party in the evening. Apart from not fitting into my schedule, there is something else that comes up: I feel kind of scared …
I’m finding it hard to write this one but here goes. After not having any intimacy of any sort with someone for almost a year, I recently hooked up with a new friend. I felt awful about it the next day, because I felt like I didn’t actually want to and everything moved so fast. …
Whoa. This bought up a lot for me, which I’ve been working through in the last few months. The concept of seeing them with the label of ‘successful friend’, vs simply being human, was interesting to me. When I thought about all of the strengths and weaknesses that they have, it did have a very …
Hi I would like some help on a recurring situation with the people I work with. As I started writing this, I realise I have done so much work processing the difficult emotions over this past year every time the situation arises and made the effort to actually honor my own personhood and growth! I’m …
I’m only slowly understanding what boundaries really are: 1. Expressing where they are, 2. stating consequences of what’s going to happen if they’re not respected. 3. Acting if necessary. I am struggling mightily with the acting on the consequences part. For most of my life it’s worked pretty well for me to “walk away”. But …
Thank you for the helpful input, that makes perfect sense. Meanwhile, we are one step further, and I would like to briefly describe what happened to me in the process. My friend sent me a birthday message saying “Happy Birthday, All the best, see you soon” (C), which made me think that this is a …
Friendship: How Can I Deal With My Friend Being Annoyed At Me? (2) Read More »
I’ve recently had a tricky time with communication with my partner… I crave honest, open connection and emotional intimacy, and I’m realising through listening to brilliant coaching recordings that we have different manuals and different standards to have needs met. I increasingly realise I need this connection across all relationships and find it hard to …
Thank you so much. It’s very useful to split this into 2 issues – being comfortable as a SAHM and the PTA. I have also been able to creatively brainstorm some other options to help with the new chair search and a little action plan for the next month. What I’m still getting stuck ruminating …
Hello, this is part 2 but there’s been a couple of months between first AAC and this post. So, through soem coaching with Maisie I changed my goal to “Experience More Connection with my Son.” So, this really helped initally as I can see that this is more acheivable. I also learnt through the coaching …
Goal Setting And Rocks For Improving Relationship W Son PART 2 Read More »
Thank you for your insightful coaching. “What are you most afraid of in both of the scenarios you mention – being blinded by hurt or blinded by fear?” Thank you for this question because it made me realize something important: something has broken in this process, and I know I cannot tap into the same …
Working To Rekindle A Relationship Or Letting Go Pt.2 Read More »
C waking up after night shift T F A scroll on phone in bed R TDL: I’m awake but not awake enough to get up. the world has gone on without me and I’m missing out. I deserve to be a little bad. this isn’t my real life. like I’m exempt from the consequences & …
Dear coaches, I have resisted coming on here for a couple of weeks now because I have a thought in my head that ‘it’s too hard to put my whole situation into words right now, it would take hours’. But right now, I am just deciding I can give some, not all context, and still …
Working to rekindle a relationship or letting go Read More »
I just reflected for probably the 100th time to my husband that one of the hardest parts of parenting so far (3years in) has been, grandparents, and specifically, our mothers. Both of them have patterns of seeking validation through the external and it does not seem as though they feel they are worthy. The way …
Hello! I have a very part time remote job that I have been doing for almost 3 years. Pretty early on I got a small raise (I am paid hourly) but nothing since. I want to ask for a raise because I know people doing similar work (social media, content creation, design) charge a lot …
Hi, I left my 9-5 job at the beginning of last year and have been a self employed yoga teacher since then. Which I am loving ❤️ I saw this switch as a way of slowing down and being in charge of my time to spend as is best for me…. BUT I feel surprised …
Thank you for your generosity in sharing the story of your experience with your child. Your are right… It was just a mistake I made and doesn’t have to mean anything about me. Unhooking who I am from the thing I did has been helpful. Going forward there are 2 things I think would help: …
Thanks for the questions. They were helpful to explore. What came up is that it’s a problem for me when I’m in my summer because I think it shouldn’t be like that then – so, something has gone wrong, it’s going to be like this more and more through perimenopause, and life will be rubbish! …
Thank you for your reply. I played around with the result line you suggested and have come up with the below, which feels comfortable and realistic. As soon as I took your advice to let go of the comparison of ‘then’ vs ‘now’ I felt such a weight off and was able to think about …
I grew up in an urban environment in the US and spent a lot of my early twenties traveling solo in big cities in Europe. In my mid-twenties, I moved to a tiny, remote community in Northern Europe. Because I feel so safe in my new home, I’ve been able to abandon a lot of …
Subconscious rules creating more anxiety than safety Read More »
Hello, A couple of weeks ago, I arrived in Melbourne, the city where I spent my twenties, for a 2.5 month stint away from my home. I didn’t realise it at the time but my intention was to come here to ‘level up’ – much as Maisie described in her podcast – to deliberately shake …
Boundaries and difficulty sharing space with a close friend Read More »
Thank you coaches – this is so helpful. I’ve taken a while to come back because I find this topic quite complex in my mind and tricky to unpick! To answer your questions: Qu: I want you to imagine observing yourself in the place where even if you’re only drinking on the weekends you’re not …
Hey! I feel like I have an issue with money. The situation, as factual as possible: – I spend a little more money when I receive my salary, usually at the beginning of each month – Towards the end of the month, I often don’t have much money left from the amount that I had …
Dear coaches, I am in a polyamorous relationship and through a huge miscommunication, my partner thought I didn’t want to know about any of his activities outside of our relationship. This is not true and I feel I had been clear about it, so it came as quite a shock to me when I found …
Thank you for your response: it was so inspiring and fun to apply! You were right and I never thought thinking about perfectionism could be fun… I love it here! [What do you think that it means about you that you shouldn’t be taking that long?]- I’m not smart enough; I’m not good enough; I’m …
Dear coach, That was great coaching indeed. I actually watched it twice soon after watching it online 🙂 Giving love and letting them be is definitely what would be good for me and my relationships. I think there is a fear thought there saying “If I listen too much to their fears, and limiting beliefs”, …
Hello, I’m getting getting married in 3 weeks and so far things have been going ok, ups and downs but overall ok. Honestly, I’m actually very proud of myself and how I self-coached throughout the process. After the Messy Imperfect Action call, I realise how much progress I’ve achieved since I joined TFC 7 months …
Keeping distance in front of other people’s negative reactions Read More »
Thank you for your coaching, it was so helpful! It has allowed me to realise what the next step is. Ok, so. I want my relationship with time to be abundant! And present. Yes I am busy, but I am busy with lots of things I have fought and wished for. So I want to …
Thanks for the coaching! In answer to your question ‘What do you think it means about you that you don’t want to, or don’t do the admin work outside the regular business hours when your boss and colleague do?’ I think it means: – I’m a terrible member of the team – I am not …
Thanks for your response (see below) In answer to your question ‘why do you say yes to glasses of wine when you don’t really want to?’ I think in all honesty, there is a part of me that does want to – I want the ‘escape’ that alcohol brings. I have recently found out that …
I’m staying with my family right now and one thing I’m noticing is I worry A LOT about my sister. She barely ever has sex with her partner and I worry it will destroy their relationship long-term. She’s not eating protein for breakfast and I worry it will affect her blood sugar levels and that …
Thank you so much for all of your coaching – I’ve written out my answers and some follow-up questions here: I think the value of others sharing opinions they worry are triggering or polarizing is that often they’re sharing a unique or new perspective that helps people consider things differently and in a way that …
My sister had a hard upbringing (she didn’t live with me) and this has caused her lots of emotional, financial and relational difficulties in life, to put it lightly. She seems to always choose men who aren’t good for her and often ends up in very toxic relationships which is difficult to watch. She is …
I have decided that a good April goal for me would be to change my relationship to time. My current relationship has many facets, some of them are: Everyone is entitled to my time, I am obligated to give it to them, time is something I have to get as much out of and this …
Hello dear coach, I loved this part you said “If the goal is to get her to change her behavior, I’d suggest holding off on having the talk. “ I definitely wanted to insert some dominance there, mark my territory, etc. It was a good opportunity for me to realize that if two common friends …
Hi coaches! I am recovering from what I believe is a burnout, that had been building up over the past years. I now feel so much better already, but I still have to be very protective of my energy. I notice that when I put a little too much on my plate, I relapse quite …
Thank you so much for your response, I felt seen, heard and less alone, just from the response that you gave. I found the questions helpful and have taken up the invitation to see what works. Here is the work I have done so far: Your question: When you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, panicked and …
I work in a great female team (3 of us) but we have every different work boundaries. Its a physical job, but obviously like with all jobs, there is admin, and it never gets done at work due to pressure on the other physical stuff to do. I am very reluctant to work outside of …
Why do I feel ashamed? Just saying it out loud feels really difficult. I am ashamed because it is unacceptable. She could have been taken. I was not responsible enough to look after her. She was probably frightened and confused and I did that to her because I chose to do something socially acceptable (drink …
I want to say something on my new migraine social media account sharing my perspective as someone with migraine on how the fact that there’s no cure for migraine is not a helpful thing for the migraine community to keep repeating. However, I keep seeing migraine advocates posting about how they don’t want unsolicited advice …
I had quite a clear plan for the coming year which involved staying in my current apartment/location and starting trying to conceive towards the end of the year, maybe moving to the UK at a later date. I don’t want to be in my current location long-term but I had made peace with staying there …
What should I do if I hate someone with a fiery passion? I would prefer not to get into specifics, so let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that I’m not wrong to hate him, he’s a genuinely horrible person. Luckily this person is no longer in my day to day life and I am …
Hi there! I’m Anna – a 39year old mom of two, currently 6month post-partum & on work leave. I joined the Flow Collective beginning of march and since then I’ve been beating myself up about not getting started. I’m super conscious of my spendings, especially now that I’m on leave and not earning my usual …
Hi there! I’m hoping you might be able to help me manage my mind’s thoughts about what’s going on between two friends in my friend group who have fallen out. For one friend (I’ll call her friend A) I feel deeply for as I recognise similar neglect, abuse and poverty patterns in her childhood to …
I am together with my partner for almost seven years and we have a son (2 years old) together. We have a different cultural background, I am Dutch and my partner is Spanish. Before we got together I almost never had a discussion and I almost never saw my parents discussing in a more emotional …
Worried about how discussions with my partner will affect my son Read More »
Communicating with my friend about visiting my boyfriend in Mexico Hello dear coaches, I have been aware that I’m someone with a big heart and having only one partner is not for me forever. Now, I’m in an open relationship and loving it. It has been an amazing relationship with love, passion and growth. We …
Hi, my life is full on with work, child and health. A lot of time very overbearing. I know I use watching TV as an escapism (almost addictive), but I know there are other things that would help me more. I even signed up for this course to help me re-focus my energy and get …
Hi, I’ve had long Covid and might still be affected by it. When I get ill, it feels like it takes me longer than other people to get back to normal energy levels. Because of it I put such an emphasis on what I do to get better. What I eat, how I rest, sleep …
Hi, Thank you for this coaching – the questions have been super useful, and I am pleased to report that after a month re-framing my narrative around the flat / changing the actions I’m taking, my experience of living here has been totally transformed. Using the self-coaching qus, I was able to change my mindset …
I’m feeling quite stressed and know that I am in a sympathetic nervous system response. I have a project that I am doing, which I have to do on top of my full time work and childcare work. I have a deadline for this project and it is something I am committed to an external …
I’m in a C line where I need to negotiate for my needs and desired outcomes. It has to do with my landlords & ongoing construction: I want to advocate for a decrease in rent due to construction as well as parameters when the work goes on, so I can properly sleep around my night …
I replayed the Spring Workshop 2023 and I am hesitating whether my goal is complete as it seems very general. The goal itself feels very grounded and reflects my needs at the moment. The goal is: to enhance my work/life balance and focus on my well-being. The rocks would be: >> On the work level: …