What a great reminder of what coaching can offer. Thank you. Before I clicked on the link to see the reply, I asked myself in my head what might it say. What would a coach say. Of course, I got stuck in the questions I’ve already asked myself about this and my thoughts about my …
I have thought a lot about sexuality lately and was really honest with myself. This was a bit painful because I realized I never have been really attracted to my husband the way I can be attracted to some other males. I have been in love with my husband for sure, but this has been …
Yes I am alone in this already.. I feel lonely because friends don’t understand it and my husband will leave me alone on this planet so I don’t feel connected to him about it. What I would like to experience in our relationship while he is alive is fun and pleasure. We tend to be …
I’ve become aware that I want more attention from my partner and I think she spends too much time on her phone. (She works on her phone, scrolls on social media, plays games) I also think that it’s easy for me to criticize her for this because it is something I actively work on: reducing …
I posted in the Facebook group and had some great feedback that I wanted to build upon but as I wanted it to be anonymous, I’m writing it here. Unintentional model Thought download: I stayed over at the flat of a guy I like on Saturday night after his birthday drinks. We are in the …
Yes I can see that the burden of keeping my husband alive makes my life terrible. But my brain goes into discussion with you: ‘My life is even more terrible if I could prevented him from dying and I did nothing!!’ When I think I am in charge of his stress levels I notice my …
I moved in with my partner in the spring of this year. I have lived with one other partner before. I am noticing a lot of judgement, pressure and should-ing around the division of housework. For me, housework is not a priority and is not often something I would choose to do if I have …
Housework, the patriarchy and intergenerational trauma Read More »
Hi, I attended the fix what’s broken workshop last week, and it bought up some interesting things for me. One theme was that I realised my trust in love is somewhat broken. I had an on off relationship which ended in march, after three years. When we were together for the first year and half, …
After some reflection (and coaching), I realised that my feelings were legitimate, “right” and that I didn’t have to or couldn’t talk myself out of them. I told her honestly how I felt and also clearly signalled my boundaries – for me, friendship always comes before a one-night stand, and the fact that she ignored …
My best friend slept with my first great love (Part 2) Read More »
This is my first model! C – I didn’t say some words T – why can’t I communicate my wants in bed F – shame S – smallness, shrinking A – withdraw from my partner, go into my head, ruminate, worry about our sex life, blame myself for not communicating my wants in bed, shame …
Hey, I need help how to communicate my need for my boyfriend to clean up after himself. I need him to show he cares about our space. To be specific for coaching I like to discuss the case where he leaves his dishes out. From self coaching I know that this model can be happening: …
Thanks for your coaching on this! Such a radical thought that knowing I want to give myself the chance to have children if I want to could actually be a supportive factor for me… At first, I found it hard to come up with reasons why this could be supportive, which felt realistic – but …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this – PART 3 Read More »
Dear AAC, I have just started the self-love journey, and I am coming on here to share my first post. I am 2.5 months into my new life in London. I have felt and experienced so many things – It sometimes feels like I am experiencing a thousand lifetimes in a given day. Love, joy, …
Hi coaches – I’m struggling with my thoughts about my living situation and connected to that are some thoughts about my partner. The circumstance is that I’m renting a place which I invited my partner to share with me and contribute to financially as much as he felt able to. I subsequently asked him to …
I’m making the pattern of thoughts mean that I’m stressing out about having sex frequently enough and it’s making sex less attractive and therefore means I’m having sex less often. I’m making having sex less often mean that I am a bad partner, that I’m not good or interesting or fun or sexy or attractive …
Dear Coaches, the past two days my partner and I went through kind of a rough patch in our relationship including some unhelpful (and unhealthy) ways of communication. Honoring the self love webinar and what I have learned so far in TFC, I decided to pause for a moment, reflect and look and my thoughts …
Self-Love Insight: Loving myself through conflict Read More »
Hello. I have been single for about 2 years and in the past, I hadn’t constantly had a partner in my life. However, my close friends group have a good partnerships (as far as I can observe) and at times, it makes me feel like that I am alone. I have an understanding that they …
Hi, Thanks for your coaching here! This was v helpful, and I can see that this is all part of a wider approach to how I approach dating now that I’m looking for a relationship. Where I’m having fun with it and believing that it can be easy – not something hard and impossible and …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this – PART 2 Read More »
Today I used the journal prompt: If you could wave a magic wand and instil some new thoughts and beliefs about yourself, what would you go with? Why? At first, I was met with resistance. But then I came up with these 2: 1. I am ready to receive financial success. 2. I am ready …
My partner of almost 15 years, married >2 left me what felt like very suddenly a few months ago. No chance for remedy just “the end”had done all the communication and deciding internally and I wasn’t involved in the process at all. Since he moved out I haven’t seen him for over two months now. …
I noticed during yesterday’s call that while the work on loving and accepting myself over the past year has paid off in the way that I believe I am lovable and enough just as I am, I still don’t believe other people would see me that way. In a way, my mind turned the clean …
Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot about my current dating goals atm. Something I’ve noticed is that I often go for a similar ‘type’ and have quite a potentially limiting idea of what that looks like for me / and who I swipe for. I wonder if this could be limiting the luck I’m having. …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this Read More »
Hi, Thanks for this coaching, that was really interesting! On this specific anticipated challenge of ghosting and solutions, I came up with a couple of things. – There is some practical things of trying to multi-date where possible and remembering there is a numbers game element to this. Because I find that when I am …
Navigating uncertainty in dating / impact of ghosting – part 2 Read More »
I have a lot of “shoulds” about how frequently I have sex with my partner. I have this idea in my mind that ideally we should have sex at least once per week, and when I fall short of that expectation I beat myself up about it. I’ve been thinking like this ever since we …
Hi team, I can’t quite believe that I am asking this. My 10 year relationship is in trouble. This is at least partly for reasons out our control. My partners father passed away unexpectedly and it was very traumatic. She is an only child and has made the decision to move to Italy to look …
Heartbreak/long distance relationship/long relationship Read More »
Hi, I’m currently dating using the apps. I have had some bad experiences of being ghosted recently, including by four people who had already made a plan to go on a date with me, who then just vanished. I’ve done a good job of managing my mind around it I think! I know that I’m …
Navigating uncertainty in dating / impact of ghosting Read More »
Hi, My current goal is going freelance in journalism. I used to work in this industry, but have been working in a different one for the last year, for a charity / activist org – which gets a lot of bad press in the media (not because it’s a bad thing inherently, but because of …
Hi coaches, thank you for the wonderful work you do! I think my brain has been focussing on ways in which me and my partner are different and making this a problem. This pattern has been exacerbated since having a child. Here are some examples: One of the things I focus on is that he is …
I went through a very traumatic and drawn-out breakup with my ex last year (very much his decision to leave), someone who I still love deeply – we were both undiagnosed ND at the time and he’s avoidant whilst I’m more anxious, all of which played a big role. I experienced a breakdown in my …
My ex, my neurodiversity, being loved, and new men Read More »
Hello, I would like some help with my model. It is in regard to an exchange I had with my partner, which is quite similar to a few other incidences. I am struggling to get clear on what is happening and how I can change my behaviour around it. The circumstance is that my partner …
Finding it difficult to talk to my partner about are different thoughts Read More »
My best friend slept with my first great love. She told me yesterday very nonchalantly in a voice message that it had been a long time with us (it is, 20 years!), that she hoped it wouldn’t be a problem for me. Even so it is very long ago, he was very special to me. …
I’ve wanted to write this post so many times but always struggle with where to start, so I think a thought download might help. I’ve been struggling with ROCD (relationship OCD) for nearly two years now, it came completely out of the blue in my decade long relationship, where beforehand I felt the luckiest person …
Hello dear coach, Here’s what’s been on my mind in the past few days and made me feel sad and anxious. I am having doubts about being in the relationship I am in at the moment. The issue more specifically is I’m having a difficult time picturing ourselves together in the future (maybe that’s just …
Hi. I’ve been with the Flow collective for 6months now and have been lurking around the edges, partly because I just haven’t made the time to think clearly about what I’d like coaching on or what issues I’d like to explore, partly that life with kids and work doesn’t always allow for jumping live on …
Hi Coaches, my partner and I both are 35 have been together for 1.5 years. I have started the conversation about moving in very early but I could tell he was always a little reluctant and said he needed more time. Neither of us have lived with a partner before. Last month my Flatmate told …
Hey there AAC – I’m trying to tackle a LIFE LONG challenge of seeking validation through my sexuality. I really want to get to a place where I can freely enjoy joyful promiscuity – I love sex and dating – without making others’ desire for me responsible for my sense of self worth. I’ve got …
Validation through perceived sexual desirability Read More »
Thanks coaches. I have left the cleaning in the past due to studying and working at the same time. This led to infestations – mice, ants, fruitfly, black mould. I use the home to see clients for therapy, so it’s important that the home is presented well to clients. It’s good to be reminded that …
Hello – I have been struggling with a lot of anxiety in my relationship recently. It is my first relationship, and the move from ‘honeymoon phase’ to us both as real and complex and flawed people in a relationship has been hard for me. When I feel insecure (which only really started happening after the …
Hi, I had a breakup 6 months ago. It wasn’t a straight forward one, because we weren’t actually together officially – and had broken up a year and a half before that. But stayed in touch, on and off, and been exploring whether to get back together etc. In the end, he said he didn’t …
Hi! My goal this season is very much a career one – this 100% feels like the right priority to me, and I’m really going for it atm, and loving it. (There are many reasons for this, and previous seasons have been more personal goals, so this feels really right for me atm). However, something …
Thank you for this response, it was incredibly thought-provoking. I love that now I am aware of this pattern of mine, that I have the power to stop it. And that it doesn’t just look like the actions I take to find someone who ‘has their shit together’, but maybe realising that for whoever I …
I’d like to know if you have any advice on accessing my vulnerability while dysregulated so I can communicate my needs. I was trying to put away groceries with my partner, and he was assisting with me pouring nuts into a bag. He was the one holding the bag and I was the one pouring. …
Communicating with spouse while dysregulated and trying tu do chores Read More »
Hi, I’d like some help in working this out in my mind. I came back from a great weekend away last night and didn’t get any embrace from my husband who once I picked up putting the kids to bed jumped straight on his exercise bike. C I return home from a weekend and my …
Hello, Today I noticed a light bulb needed changing in the kitchen which can be tricky to do, one window ledge was rotten and needs fixing for the winter, the big hedge needs chopping back and I knew I’d have to do all this on my day off work. As I picked up the bath …
Please can you check my unintentional models and provide an example of a neutral model? C: My crush has just started a relationship with someone else. T: He didn’t choose me and he should have. F: Sadness A: Difficulty regulating nervous system. A: Asking myself why he choose her not me. A: Comparing myself to …
I need help with my model, but also need some coaching! C: My partner watches YouTube videos T: He’s addicted to his phone F: Angry S: Headache – tight grip by my temples. Hunched shoulders. Tight in my chest. A: I imagine confronting him. I worry. I wait till I feel like I’m going to …
Dear Coaching-Team, I am having a hard time evaluating the ending of a “situationship” that lasted about 1 1/2 years. It started off as a mutual sexual acquaintance but I developed feelings for this person (which I knew could happen and accepted). To cut the story short, he didn’t reciprocate my feelings and I remained …
From shame to self-love after selling myself short Read More »
C. S messaged me saying to check shed because there are prowlers about. T. What is he on about now? F. Compromised S. Breathe catching A. Questioned him, checked his source, challenged the source with him but softened it with a ‘lol’, wondered how he’d respond, thought about it a lot, wanted to tell someone …
My first model – boundaries with ex/child’s father Read More »
C My partner answered the phone to his sister for the second time while we were in the middle of working on a project. T Why did he let a call interrupt what we were doing when the call could have waited F Annoyed and marginalised. S Disregulated/Aggitated A Find space alone to think and …
I have been considering if I want to be in a relationship with my partner as it is in a romantic/partnership with them for a few months now. More recently I have done a lot of thought work around actually making the decision to break up with them but express that I want to stay …
Hello! Here is my first model: I struggle with romantic relationships and have been single for the majority of my life. Last week, someone I felt attracted to (about 10 months ago when we worked together) texted me and asked me to have lunch together. He is in a relationship. C: he asked me to …
I want to feel supported, by myself and by him. I want to support my own decision-making. Knowing that I cannot change him, I want to lean into trusting that I have a deep knowing that this is what I want. That I want him, that I want children. And won’t it be so much …
Here is my practice model from Maisie’s model mastery call. Looking forward to receiving your thoughts and insights on this. It was my birthday yesterday. I didn’t throw a party or go for a weekend away with my partner. I noticed that I felt a bit sad and lonely looking at our living room that …
Modely mastery practice: birthday and social life Read More »
This is my first unintentional model, and I’d love some feedback. 🙂 C: I receive a text from my soon-to-be ex-husband that says, “You know that you cause me pain every day that we aren’t together. I can’t believe you changed your last name on WhatsApp to your old last name without telling me directly. …
Feedback request on first unintentional model — C: being told I cause someone pain Read More »
The story – my ex husband cheated on me in 2018 and left abruptly. I saw no warning signs (at the time) we were trying for a baby at the time. My world stopped because after 11 years together he just went. Explanation was minimal, he wasn’t open to any conversation, he’d made up his …
Hi, I’ve noticed that I end up dating a lot of men where I end up in a ‘fixer’ dynamic with them. I enjoy helping people, am very open-minded and passionate about mental health, as well as being a good listener. But I’ve found that I can end up in situations where this becomes very …
Hi Coaches, I’ve been seeing someone new, and I notice that a lot of things they say trigger shame in me. I think I am already in a state of anxiety and shame about dating, but I am also feeling really unsettled by the prospect of liking someone and hoping that the feeling is mutual. …
Hi, I wonder if you can help with a dating themed one. Recently, I’m excited to say that I feel more emotionally available than I have ever done in my life! I’m 29, have healed from a breakup earlier this year, had lots of fun dating time while being single & exploring my sexuality, alongside …
I’d like to request coaching on my thoughts regarding the decision to have kids with my husband. When we got married it was on the understanding I wanted to have kids, and (after he dragged his feet and I pinned him down on a timeline) we agreed to start trying to conceive in the year …
I have identified some long held thoughts that are impacting my self-worth around relationships. The first is that I consider myself a ‘filler’ or ‘placeholder’. I read these terms in some romance stories. They referred to three categories of women that men look for. When they are young they want women to ‘have some fun …
Hi coaches, I am currently living through a change in my partner’s health situation. He is mid-way through some spinal diagnoses and I have been caring for him since the end of July when he slipped a disc. This has involved more physical input into his daily life, and as his pain has reduced and …
I am currently feeling a huge sense of loss, almost like grief. It is affecting my motivation with my business and in my personal life. I think this is because I have realised I have developed quite strong feelings for a man I can’t have (we are actually both married) and I feel a sense …
Thank you for helping with this. I’ve made a list, and checked in with my energy. What I am noticing is that what I want changes depending on where I am in my cycle. In the first half, I tend to think this question is not such a big deal, and am happy with our …
Hi coaches, in the past year I have done some self coaching on a couple of things that bother me in my relationship with my partner. Yay me for that! I am happy with the outcome that really gave me more understanding of my thoughts and also why I react like this. When I am …
Hello dear coaches, Here the UM I’m in currently. C I’ve been enjoying my partner being away for the past few days. T Is this normal/fine? Or is there something deeper? (Also, another thought is: this is great!) F unsettled A ruminate R I engage in feeding doubts about being commited to this relationship To …
I think it’s true that I need to put myself out there more, and I definitely feel a lot of shame when I do find myself liking someone. Unless they take the lead, I do everything in my power to hide it – often this isn’t a conscious thought, but my instinctual response to being …
Dear Coaches, I am currently working on the relationship to my parents and am working my way through the people pleasing, relationship and critic coachings. One thing a struggle with though is communication while I am unclear about how I want the relationship to be. I am currently torn between working on improving it or …
Hello, I’d like to check in again on my summer goal…. I have dipped in and out of focus on my goal over the summer. I listened into Maisie’s summer goal part 2 which was a nice nudge. R 25% on journey Where am I at? Thought download…. #I have daily affection now with my …
Your question: Am I truly in danger without a partner? I am not in danger in the sense that I can provide for myself. I actually do a great job of providing a lovely life for myself, so I’m not in danger in the kind of Jane Austen sense of not being able to survive …
Feeling Fear About Being Perceived As Single And Unhappy About It – Part 2 Read More »
The way I feel “how dating should go” for me is varied rather than fixed. With the view of it turning into a relationship; I would like it to begin low pressure, but feel exciting and fun, whilst gradually building up a connection, feelings and trust, and eventually after however long, if it’s going well, …
Hi coaches – I’m experiencing lots of thoughts and feelings about my lack of connection with many of the people my partner likes to hang out with. The thoughts tend to lead me down a route of worrying that my partner and I aren’t suited to each other and that I can’t be with someone …
How to decide how important a problem is in my relationship Read More »
I have struggled my whole life with having this deep fear that the closest people to me will die, at a younger age it was the fear of my mum dying and now is the fear o f my partner dying. For example in the middle of a beautiful moment of joy and connection, this …
*trigger warning sexual assault The question was about what might come up for me, if i consider emotional check points towards feeling more empowered. I realise there is a lot of emotions bottled up for me around the topic that I have yet to fully understand and explore. My thought download for this. I rationally …
Hi coaches, my partner of eleven years and I split up over a year and a half ago and because of some admin faff the divorce has not yet been fully finalised. I notice that I am holding a lot of tension about it and that I react very strongly whenever my ex-partner sends a …
Hello, I’m seeking some scaffolding to find some accessible new thoughts around finding a partner. I am ready to really own and lean into the desire for a partner, without fearing it, because it feels to painful and out of my control. But, I can feel my heart reaching out into the world, aching for …
‘Stuck’ in a loop of not bein able to find anyone Read More »
This morning, I did a thought download about fear, as I have been experiencing a flare up of my chronic pain symptoms (after an almost pain-free summer!), and I know the flare up is connected to thoughts and feelings I have about being back in my apartment where I live alone, back at work, and …
Feeling fear about being perceived as single and unhappy about it Read More »
I really struggle with dating or even being able to find someone for something casual, and it massively impacts my self esteem. I rarely get past the first date. I try to be confident, and I’ve worked so much on myself to achieve this, and now only go on dates if I feel there’s a …
Update: I messaged him and he never responded!! I’ve officially been ghosted. I was shocked at first, but it’s been five days and I can honestly say that I am already moving on from that experience as I’m quite clear on the thought “this has everything to do with him and nothing to do with …
My husband and I have let a property for approx. 6 years to current. I’ve raised a discussion about declaring tax, multiple times, my husband shared resistance. Two of more of these discussions have taken place with the presence of family members, agreeing we should do our tax return. Over the years, I’ve let his …
Hi there, I am trying to feel emotions around a big and unusual event that happened last night. I came back home to my boyfriend who had been away. He had been to a very spiritual experience in a woodland for a couple of days and told me he had had a very deep and …
Hey coaches, I have relistened the podcast with ‘ honoring your yes’s and no’s’ and I really spoke to me in this situation. My partner and I said yes to trying to have a baby. I said a very sure yes in trying to have a baby because I have done some coaching the past …
I am still reflecting on the questions from part 1. I’m kind of turning in circles though and I always come back to the thought “these things shouldn’t have happened in the first place” (and therefore they can not be forgiven.) I somehow have this deep rooted belief that some things can be forgiven and …
Hey Coaches! I am working on a model about a classic situation where my partner chews loudly and eats fast, which makes me feel annoyed. UNINTENTIONAL: C: Partner chews loudly T: That is gross F: Disgusted A: Ask him to stop eating so fast A: Get angry at him A: Leave the room in a …
I’ve recently started online dating again, with the intention of being more authentically myself, more bold in going after the people I am interested in (as opposed to staying in the “getting chased” dynamics), while having fun along the way. Everything has been going really well so far – I have been having fun while …
Hi Coaches Here is a thought download and attempted model, because I’m not sure yet where I am going with it and would appreciate an Impuls. My partner and I have different desires on how often and when we want to have sex. My partners desires are daily and mainly in the morning. Mine ebb …
I have some health issues (PCOS/irregular cycle and eczema/chronic skin issues) that the conventional health care system doesn’t seem to have sufficient answers to (as in, they will only treat the symptom, eg with cortisone cream, but not the root cause). I’m seeing an acupuncturist every week since last October for the PCOS, who has …
Hello, I just found out a few days ago my ex is now in an official relationship with someone else. He never wanted to be “official” with me but it was one of the most intense relationships of my life – we went through a huge amount of big stuff in our 3 months together …
Hi coaches. I’m back with something I’ve been coached on before that came up in today’s coaching call with Maisie and also because I’m entering autumn, when the fears and doom and gloom often start creeping in. I’ve been coached before about going into a stress response when I worry or think my partner is …
Hey Caaches, Yesterday I was picking up some stuff from my ex and was really anxious about seeing him. After a thought download I realised I still care quite a lot about his opinion/ judgement about me. I have an unintentional model, but don’t really know how to get to a model that improves the …
Thank you for your answer. I had to read this sentence a couple of times ‘You never need to continue to be in proximity to a person who is behaving in a way you don’t like. ‘ in order to believe it myself. It is so simple but yet I need to start practising it …
Hi coaches, I am writing to ask for advice about managing my thoughts about a new relationship. I met a wonderful woman four months ago and we have since been spending every weekend together, having a fantastic time. Everything in my body says YES to her, she is great at handling conflict, considerate, respectful of …
Hi, I wrote down this model and trying to figure out how to best deal with this situation. The circumstance is: we are at an event/party/friend’s house and my boyfriend is tipsy or drunk. Some context: my boyfriend is quite introverted, not the life of the party, and keeps to himself. When he is drinking …
I have a 2 year old son, who’s amazing. I find parenting tiring and sometimes stressful but also wonderful and joyous. My partner, who I love deeply, has said that he doesn’t want another child, he thinks it would break him. He is someone who really needs his own space, finds socialising tiring, finds chaos …
Hello, 🙂 I have started writing this so many times over the months and then I never send it. I’m struggling with my relationship with my partner. We barely fight, he’s very supportive of me. It’s a money/ work thing. I’ve always earned more than him, been a ‘harder worker’ and honestly more motivated. It …
I feel very guilty and a lot of shame writing this and I’m having thoughts like “I should just be grateful” or “I shouldn’t be getting so hung up on the details” or “this is so silly compared to real problems”…but I don’t want to talk to friends about it and I can’t stop thinking …
I really like the person I am seeing, I feel safe and we can do many things together. However, when we explore a topic, there is a pattern that the other person shares a lot, and I ask many questions, which I enjoy for some time. But step by step the desire to be given …
Thank you for responding so quickly <3 About Monday, I’ve worked on this model from the bottom up: C: Husband’s work presentation T: This is a massive deal for him F: Compassionate, loving, supportive A: DO: Help with the logistics, listen carefully to his presentation, hug him, bring a present, write a note A: DON’T: …
I previously wrote to AAC and talked about this model: C – I have been single for many years T – I will never be able to date or be in a relationship F – Shame A – Ignore feelings of desire to be in a relationship, do not attempt to meet people, avoid situations …
Starting to date after always being single – Part 2 Read More »
My husband is finishing a huge work project that has consumed him and steered most of my/our family’s decisions over the past 6+ years (e.g. where we live and travel, what work I do to support the family, what childcare we choose). He’s published a thoughtful note dedicating the work to me and thanking me …
I’m in a relationship for 7 years, and just as we got serious I had a hormonal IUD fitted, at the begining we were having sex every day all the time and I really felt sexual but after I while things started to dial down and when we hit the pandemic I was on my …