Hi coaches. I am new to TFC. I want to dive into ask a coach with my issue. I have realised fairly recently that I hold my partner to all these high standards and I identify there is something like Conditional love and acceptance going on. I know that I experienced this in my childhood …
Hello, Thank you in advance for reading my submission. This is a topic that has been spoiling my relationship and I am unsure of how to coach myself on this. I have been with my partner for 4 years now. Within a month or so of me moving in with him, he began to express …
Hello! I wondered if you might be able to help me with my main goal that I have this year, which is to change my relationship with success / my career. As I have realised recently that I’ve had quite unhealthy relationships with success, which have been quite extreme, either /or, at different ends of …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern that I’m trying to make sense of. when I hear about other peoples’ accomplishments or major life milestones, it brings up a lot of thoughts related to envy or resentment. The severity of the envy and whether resentment is included or not has to do with the stories I’ve …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
I have an ongoing problem that’s been there for a really long time in my relationship with my partner. The essence of it is that he struggles with verbal communication, and I struggle with intimate pleasure. I need to feel very safe to engage in intimacy and I get easily activated, so sometimes I don’t …
Problems with my partner that come up over and over Read More »
I have a question I wanted to bring to the coaching call with Maggie Reyes today but I wasn’t able to attend, so I thought I’d bring it here instead… For relationships month I set the intention of building more honesty in my relationship with my husband (honesty with myself about my thoughts about him, …
Thank you for your answer. It’s been a while since I read your reply and I couldn’t think of a challenge, I also had other things going on so I parked this topic for a bit. However, during the last few days, I went to two parties / concerts with different groups of people, some …
I started completing the relationships worksheet – thinking about who I find it easy to love right now and why. A thought came up, which I’ve noticed a few times this month, which is that I am selfish in relationships (any kind of relationship) and therefore don’t deserve love and affection from others. I automatically …
It is a long one and there is a lot to unpack so thank you for bearing with me. First of all, this is my first ever submission. I am new to TFC, and I a bit nervous about being so vulnerable. I am also worried that somehow, someone I know might happen to also …
Navigating Owning a Business With My Romantic Partner – aaargh! Read More »
Shame is telling me: You should never find your partner ugly You should be attracted to your partner 100% of the time It’s wrong to think mean thoughts about your partner You should find your perfect match You should never feel ashamed of your partner You should feel comfortable introducing your partner to anyone in …
I would like some support with processing my past relationship while being in a new one. I was in a 7-year relationship where during the last year or so, I was in constant doubt as to whether this was what I wanted or not. It was my first relationship and while I was happy for …
I hate to be a woman since im kid especially since my first period. Im angry to be a woman and jealous at men on how easy life seems to be for them. I have the impression i have served them all my life not taking care of my own needs, being victim of emotional …
Rumination and negative self talk destroying relationships Read More »
I’m following up on my ‘Divorce’ post and wanted to say thank you for your response which was exactly what I needed to hear. I learned through the crisis which was actually not a crisis but certainly felt like one at the time that I don’t want to divorce my husband. So far in my …
There’s someone I’m seeing for sex. We have been on and off for a year, I ended it last time for the behaviour I’m about to describe. I don’t want anything more than a casual relationship with him because he is emotionally unavailable, which isn’t what I want from a partner. I know this thought …
Thank you very much for your words, they were very helpful. I thought about this for a long time. To expect compassion in such a situation would have been too much for me. I clearly had a strong nervous reaction. One of my goals this year is to make my nervous system a top priority. …
Customer or Friend? Or: Turning from Defensiveness to Compassion (Pt. 2) Read More »
I have a problem with my partners naps and I haven’t managed to change my outlook on it over the last 5 years, I’d say maybe it even has got worse. They can fall asleep anywhere and never wake up when we agreed/their alarm goes off. Then spend the next x amount of time trying …
I have listened to the evaluate webinar today and have thought about January on the basis of connection. Can you give me any feedback? Thanks Currently on day 26 so feeling a bit heavy hearted and depleted as I write this… What went well Connection with Charlie (husband) -Curry night once in month -Amazing sex …
Thank you for your answer. It really resonated with me! 1) Why do I hold on to this story that I can’t interact with men? I’ve realized that it allows me to stay in my comfort zone. This way I don’t have to face my insecurities, be vulnerable or deal with rejection. Maybe it’s a …
I would like coaching on how to work out what is going on in my head and heart when I communicate with my husband – this might be impossible though ! I listened to Maisie’s webinar about relationships. I am stuck a bit on the idea that a lot of what we believe about other …
I have been wanting to end my relationship for a significant amount of time, but I can’t actually bring myself to do it. And I’d like to get some help figuring out why I feel so stuck and what thoughts would help get me moving. Any helpful next steps to explore? I have been able …
I have two different models that I would like to have some feedback on. Both of them are kind of related. MODEL 1 Circumstance: My dad told me dad “I’m reaching a certain age” and that I will need to settle down. Thought: This makes me worry about the near future and the social pressure …
My partner and I had a frank conversation that was long overdue a few months ago regarding children; he admitted that he didn’t really want them though for my sake would try. We have known each other for almost 3 years and married for more than 2 of those years. Within two weeks of meeting …
I think my partner needs to be more patient with the dog because I think that by shouting, the hard work I’ve put into dog training is being undone. So perhaps it’s more accurate to say that in the unintentional model the thought is ‘my hard work is being undone’, which is leading to the …
I would like to reflect on a situation that has been going on for the last few months and my thoughts that created this situation to see what I can learn from it. I’ve already submitted a few questions related to this. There is this guy / man working at my local supermarket. At some …
I want to coach my partner because: 1. I can see how exhausted, tired, frustrated, unhappy he is with his thought cycles. It is painful for me to see him hurting and not be able to do anything. So I try something, suggest something that helps me. Try to help him see that his thoughts …
Dear coach, Thank you for your feedback. It felt very cathartic writing my story down – I think it’s the first time I’ve ever laid it out like that. To answer your questions – How much suffering do you think is enough to be able to forgive yourself? I think I have suffered enough.It’s been …
Next month my wife will be going away for just over 4 weeks with an exciting work opportunity for her. I am finding it overwhelming to think about the time she will be gone. I have a very busy work schedule myself and I am always around people; I keep going between feeling excited and …
Thank you for your reply. I am working on creating a different story about our move. I am , however struggling with working out what I want . Maisie used the analogy of a rubber duck bobbing around and that sums it up. My head is full of thoughts but I just go round and …
Hi, This is my first time trying AAC, so hopefully I’ve approached this right. I’m keen to change my reactions to my partner’s reactions to our dog’s reactions. For context, our dog has some behavioural struggles, so will get freaked out by all sorts of normal sounds or daily life things, so this chain of …
This is my first submission, so wanted to start with something hopefully simple and easy to be coached on! My husband got me a new laptop “for Christmas”. He had asked me a few weeks before if I wanted a new laptop b/c a new version just came out that is apparently amazing vs prior …
I know for a while already that “being too much” is one of my false beliefs on the basis of several experiences I made. Recently, I had a situation with a potential romantic partner around this topic and I would like to get some feedback on my models. Unintentional model: C: He wrote, that me …
Dear Coaches, During the re-calibrate and activate workshops, we were asked to listen to what our wombs and ovaries might want to share with us. At first I thought…this is crazy, but it turned out to be a pretty powerful experience. For some background, in 2021, I had a series of ‘unexplainable’ physical health issues …
I’ve been thinking about what makes someone loveable and I came to the conclusion that anything at all can be a loveable trait. I am loveable because I’m compassionate, thoughtful, silly, generous, and put time into my relationships. Upon looking deeper, I realised my core issue is the thought “I’m not wanted”. My dad left …
I am on a quest to become better acquainted with my emotions and learn to separate them from other people’s feelings. (I am now tracking how I feel twice a day through an app, and not just “I feel good/bad” but “angry, frustrated, happy, sad, etc.”) This morning I realized that for some reason, I …
Well…the drinking is back and it was quicker than I expected! I’m laughing (lovingly) at my expectations of him magically changing from one month to the other, from experience I know it takes time to stop drinking and it has to be worth it, this would mean for him to risk most of his friendships, …
Resentment In My Romantic Relationship / Autumn Thoughts And Emotions – Part 3 Read More »
I find it very difficult when my partner is suffering emotionally. I seem to absorb his energy completely, and take his problem on as my own. It feels like it happens on a bodily level, before I can stop it. But because I am not in his mind, I can’t choose how to respond to …
Dear coaches, I joined the collective last month and am already feeling the benefit mentally and physically. However something has been coming up in my thoughts and body that I spend a lot of time repressing and I feel a sense of wanting to let it out so I can leave it behind and move …
Hi I separated with my husband two years ago. And I still have difficulties to accept it. I was wondering how my self concept as a divorced woman is influencing this. I can see some women around me, divorced, happy, powerful, with no regrets. I see my situation as a failure, me as a bad …
Dear AAC This morning i did a thought download and I realized that I am still in denial about my separation (2 years ago) with my 20 years husband. It doesn’t feel true/ the reality. We spent a long time together so it seems normal that things takes time but I would like help to …
from almost 2 years of good therapy, I know part of why I feel so hopeless sometimes is a result of a long history of black and white perfectionist thinking. my mind thinks ‘if I can’t control every little detail, then why bother at all?’ and I want to give up altogether. I still struggle …
unexpected/disappointing events leave me feeling like everything is pointless Read More »
Dear Coaches – I would like some coaching please. I still feel guilty that my family (twins now nearly 18 and husband) moved from one part of the country to another for my work in 2017 (teacher). Guilt because I constantly question whether it was the right decision for us all; because the work has …
Thank you for the last coaching! I listened again several times to the podcast episodes. They are very helpful and also asking if something is absolutely true is a very good approach. I think that I increasingly feel better and better what is really my responsibility and what is not. I am not responsible for …
Part 2: Dealing with Borderline Behaviour from my Partner Read More »
One of my visions or goals for the year is to come out to my parents. When I think about this conversation I put barriers up in my mind like I need to find a new job or sort out my possessions in case I need to move out quickly. I find it hard to …
Last year my husband of 20 years moved out. I knew our relationship wasn’t great (covid + two young children meant “us” hadn’t been a priority) however I suppose I always thought we’d just get through it and come back to each other. Turns out he cheated on me during a night out a month …
Hi, My boyfriend proposed to my just last week. I was surprised but super happy. But more even surprises on the fact how relaxed I seemed considering we have a couple months to plan and finance the party. But my mind has started to catch up on me since I’m in my PMS (or in …
Afraid to spend money on wedding, not thrusting my ability to cope with finances Read More »
Hi, Just before Christmas I didn’t receive two payments for December and for January which I expected to be owed from a previous working relationship. Shortly after my partner which is by far the main earner lost his job on Boxing Day. We were in a state of shock when it happened, but have tried …
Hi Coaches, Bottom line up front: I am aware that I have negative patterns and grief in my life that stem from childhood trauma but I am struggling with finding some flow or direction or timing for the healing that needs to happen. I hear things like ‘you need to heal your inner child and …
Healing from Childhood Trauma Pathway – Is there one and how long will it take? Read More »
Hi, I’d like some coaching on my autistic identity. The way Maisie talks about it is so inspiring and seems simple and easy. She’s not justifying herself, which is what I like most. I have a different situation and experience. I guess I don’t have enough self-trust to just think positively about myself in general …
I’ve benefitted tremendously from self coaching and thought work in the past, but when it comes to relationships I feel like it has kept me in unhealthy relationships past their expiration date. Being able to analyze my part in a particular situation has led to me eroding my boundaries (because I can’t expect others to …
I have created an intentional model and unintentional model on my thoughts and feelings about what one of my friend says. She often says things of a similar nature and so I find myself in this unintentional model a lot. Unintentional model C: A friend said some words about the importance of marriage and relationships. …
Hi, I would like some help with an issue that I’ve tried to self coach on, I’ve reflected on and made progress on but the problem still persists and I’m going round and round with it. The issue in a nutshell is my husband wants to have more sex and I don’t. We’ve been together …
Hi coaches. I’m back with the same issue about my boyfriend masturbating in secret in the bathroom when I’m in the house. We’ve talked about it and that helped. This is some self coaching I’ve done. What’s the proof that this doesn’t mean anything about me or him and our love or sex life? Since …
My husband and I have had an on going issue and disagreement. When he goes out and has a drink, he does not come home till the early hours of the morning. It effects me deeply. Over the course of 10 years the issue still presents itself, many different factors have caused this to become …
The reasons I gave myself for not booking the ferry myself are: – There are two ferry companies, and one is more convenient for the other side than the other but I’m not sure which is the one we needed to book with. – My partner knows somebody that can get us better prices, but …
Can’t Get Excited About Things When There A No/Vague Plans – Part 2 Read More »
Thank you for answering my questions. I have tried to think about how I would feel if I have permission to leave at any time, but, practically, cannot come up with ways I can leave the party at any time. My partner and I have only one car, there is no bus connection to his …
It felt good to write all the things in my previous submission, the process of doing it brought clarity in regards to my emotions. I also felt guilty about writing all of this, like I was being unfair with my partner; it felt scary, I felt scared that he would find out my raw feelings …
Resentment In My Romantic Relationship / Autumn Thoughts And Emotions – Part 2 Read More »
Hej there, I’m feeling insecure recently in my marriage. We are together for 12 years and married this year. With that I want to say, that we have a long lasting relationships which is been throught highs and lows. My partner has been sick the last two weeks and I have been extra busy being …
I’ve just done some models in the moment around a circumstance and have come to a realisation while doing it that I’d like to model on but I’m not sure how to make it specific enough. The models I came up with are: UM C: no room on the car ferry to IOW for Christmas …
Can’t get excited about things when there a no/vague plans Read More »
Lately I have been feeling more lonely than usual. Perhaps because a lot of my friends are in relationships, are starting to have babies, buying houses, getting maried, etc. Some of my single friends are talking about getting their eggs frozen, two already have an appointment (we are all late 20’s, early 30s) and whilst …
I received coaching from Maisie on how to approach spending the holidays with my husband at my parents’ place when he doesn’t speak the language and my family only speaks little English. The coaching helped me uncover that I’ve been feeling disconnected from my husband since Christmas last year, when things at my parents’ didn’t …
I’d like coaching on how to handle letting go of issues when there is a third involved – in this case, the dog. I think I identified two things here. Some days I look after the dog, and some days my partner does, even if we are both around. It happens that he postpones or …
Hi lovely Coaches, I couldn’t sleep last night and I thought it would be best to write down what kept me awake. My boyfriend removed his name from our doorbell and mailbox in our apartment in Berlin yesterday and took a flight to Lisbon. We will meet there tomorrow and spend Christmas and NYE together. …
Hello, I recently got diagnosed with autism and already was diagnosed with ADHD when I was young (I am now 24). This Christmas, my partner and I are spending half a day and the whole evening with his family. I want to support my partner, as I am aware that his family is important to …
I moved to a small town at the start of the pandemic, and spent the first year or so more or less just alone in my apartment with very little contact with people. I’m now at the point where I’d like to start building a life here. I have only one friend here, no partner, …
Building a new life while navigating mood changes and nervous system activation Read More »
This Christmas I am spending 5 day ish over Christmas with my bf and his mum at her place. I am looking forward to it AND have concerns about getting some me time in. They are not huge fans of Christmas, and I must admit it’s lost a bit of its sparkle to me over …
Hello, I’ve been single for about 6 years now after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, which has been my only serious relationship in my life. Part of the reason that my 26 year old self got into that relationship, and why I stayed so long, was because I was trying to push through a perception …
Challenging the thought/belief that I’m not open to relationships Read More »
Thank you so much for the really helpful coaching! So, any judgement I worry about coming from them is actually coming from me. Which now seems obvious. I think focusing on how amazing I am is great and how I would show up if I was 100% confident. I’m going to write a list and …
I want to be able to talk more openly with my partner about my desires in sex. I have discovered what I like through masturbation but I am aware that when we were first together we both didn’t believe in masturbating but giving pleasure to each other instead. The problem is I have felt I …
I am struggling in my relationship with my sister in law at the moment. I find that she regularly wants to Zoom and writes me a lot of texts that say ‘miss you’ and ‘can’t wait to see you’ and ‘I think of you often’. I find that I don’t feel the same level of …
Hello coaches. I’d like some help in how to cultivate more self trust, especially in a state of not knowing. I’m going through a period of uncertainty at the moment where job/living situation etc is all unclear. My brain really struggles with uncertainty and I find it very hard to stop ruminating and expecting pain …
C: in-laws visit for one week in our one bed apartment T: they will judge me F: uncomfortable A: don’t say what I want to do, I’m not relaxed and open, worry about what I say, spend a lot of the days on edge, feel awkward in my own home R: I judge myself C: …
I have a mix of emotions about my current relationship, I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now but since the very beginning there were a lot of things he did that hurt me really bad that I did not addressed and I find it very difficult to forgive myself for that, I needed …
Resentment in my romantic relationship / Autumn thoughts and emotions . Read More »
My partner and I keep thinking/talking about trying for a family. This has been a desire for us both since before we were married but we married young at 23 and have focused on careers/saving for a house/other fun things etc. I am turning 30 next year and aware of the biological clock. We have …
How can I build my self worth? I am getting emotionally activated a lot at the moment in relationships, my intimate partnership and in group dynamics. I feel the root of all of it is having low self worth and self confidence. For example, tonight I was sat at the dinner table with the older …
I have really struggled to write these notes and model them out. I can’t visualise what kinder bridging models could be – can you help me with some suggestions? Notes Lots of ‘ick’ thoughts about my time with him D How I showed up (or didn’t) What I accepted what I didn’t like or want …
The response to pt.3 was so helpful and supportive, thank you. It feels so good for my feelings to be validated, which is what I felt when reading ” It can be very triggering and feel very scary to think that those who you love the most might not believe you.” It really is. Since …
I’ve posted this in the community but thought I’d also submit it for Ask a Coach. Ever since listening to Maisie’s podcast episodes about autism, I have started wondering whether I might be somewhere on the spectrum. I have always been highly sensitive to sounds, smells, crowds (among probably a full list of other things) …
I guess somehow it was but if we still had the apartment I would perhaps not be living in Barcelona right now because my bf decided that he actually does not need to travel too far for a chance and stay in Barcelona which is not too far from where I’m based. Originally he wanted …
I must say the coaching which I received on this subject felt rather triggering to me, as it felt like I was being blamed for having made the decision to put myself first for once as wrong. I guess you need to know more of the back story to understand why I moved myself and …
On the subject of todays “taking massive action”, I am trying to wrap my head around the question of whether to leave my husband or not. He hasn’t done any thing wrong as such but we have been together for 10 years, married for 7yrs and have a 5 yr old little boy. We were …
Hello, sometimes I see other women who have boyfriends who seem really nice and I think ‘wow, she found such a nice boyfriend’. I’m not jealous of these women or want to steal their boyfriends, I’m literally just in awe that other women manage to find seemingly really nice guys. I have a difficult relationship …
It really helped me that you clarified that I was stuck between two models. These are the ones I think they were: C: Decreased sexual desire for husband T: My marriage is over if I am not attracted to him F: Anxiety/fear A: – I notice myself drawn to other men – I self stimulate …
I am struggling with knowing what the emotional boundaries and expectations should be for myself and my partner. I grew up with some pretty poor examples basically on the complete opposite of the emotional spectrum. I know that I have been someone who wants to rely on others to make me feel better or to …
Hello lovely coaches, I’d love some help on my autumn goal. This is what I posted in the FB community: Goal: To befriend myself Rocks: 1 Respect myself -> keep my boundaries 2 Trust in myself -> don’t ask for opinions before making decisions 3 Getting to know myself -> learning to enjoy my own …
I grew up in a household where both parents worked in emotionally and physically demanding jobs and it was commonplace for them to come home and take their frustration out on the rest of us by snapping, being sarcastic or critical. I didn’t enjoy this at all growing up and it made me sad and …
Hi coaches. I wanted to ask about something that I feel embarrassed/shame around. I’ve done some models. I think masturbation is good and healthy and normal. I like me and my partner’s sex life, how we talk about it, dedicate time to it. We talk openly about masturbating and sometimes watch porn together. C: think …
I have been in the flow collective since the summer and this is my first time using ask a coach and I did consider asking this in the community but it doesn’t feel properly formulated. I feel like I should be grateful for my relationship with husband. We have been together over 20 years and …
Uncertainty whether relationship needs to change or mindset Read More »
Hello coaches, I created an awkward situation that I find myself stuck in. There is this guy working at my local supermarket who was always very friendly and kind (not only towards me, but towards all customers as far as I can tell). At some point, I started to think that he might be interested …
I have been trying to use the recent teachings on making a decision to grapple with a choice my partner and I are finding difficult to make. Our families and friends are split on opposite sides of the world, this Christmas we have a lot of family in the same country at the same time …
Dear Coach, I’ve had something interesting come up while I was listening to the creating safety and somatics webinars that I’d like to be coached on. My recent break up and the weeks leading up to it caused high levels of anxiety in me and although my partner assured me “that I hadn’t done anything …
Thank you for that help. I have found that resisting the emotions are what causes intense struggle inside of my body. I will try whenever it bursts forth to say “this is where… I feel heartbroken” or even “this is where… I feel hope for us”. I know you say I can handle the vibrations …
Unintentional model C my desires are not being met T I need to address this with my partner F scared A replay worries in my head, rumination, concern that this means we won’t make it R nothing changes , feelings don’t go away, my needs are still not met Intentional model C as above T …
I’m trying not to censor myself because I know it’ll hinder my coaching! I have noticed that my reluctance to give up control is really affecting my life. I think I’ve always have controlling tendencies, but they grew exponentially during the pandemic. This was probably a comping mechanism during a time of crisis. A new …
Context! I’m seeing someone new, started seeing them over summer. We were working and travelling together, it was very intense – a lot of intensity of feeling on both sides as well which I found exciting. We’re seeing how it goes now the summer work has ended, and there’s been a drop in that intensity …
I’m not ready to go into detail but my husband and I are in crisis. Intense betrayal and breach of honesty. And I can’t find a single safe space in my body or mind. How do I create that? Answer: First, breathe. Right now the goal may not be to feel safe. If …
I am struggling to create an unintentional model surround a topic relating to my husband. He’s away for a mixture of work and pleasure, and I’m feeling resentful about the length of time he’s away, and leaving me with our 2 young children. But I want to find a way to process it and move …
I am in my autumn. I haven’t been sleeping well, due to feeling slightly overwhelmed with to-do lists, and some potential big life changes. I am finding myself feeling angry at my partner today. It is an issue that keeps coming up. He finds it difficult to start tasks and how to organise certain tasks. …