Hey coaches, I need some direction here 🙂 For the past month, my physical health has not been optimal, I keep catching viruses/bacteria and ending up sick every other week. I went to see my GP and she came to the conclusion that at the moment my immune system is quite weak which makes me …
Thank you for your help. I would love to bring back my model to you. While making the model there rise up a new question: okay I’m aware of this but how can I change? C: My heart beats louder, my throat feels like it’s pinched, the feeling has the colour green, bit nauseous feeling …
I’ve just finished watching Maisie’s goal setting webinar and it’s brought up quite a few things. Background: I have a background in teaching but decided to go in a different career direction so retrained and became certified in another field last year. I want to establish my own business but have been hitting wall after …
Mindset around launching and making progress in my business Read More »
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Hello, Thank you in advance for reading my submission. This is a topic that has been spoiling my relationship and I am unsure of how to coach myself on this. I have been with my partner for 4 years now. Within a month or so of me moving in with him, he began to express …
Thanks, that is really useful. Are there any tips to helping me get out of my head and into my body before seeing a client? I guess I could work on the thought that I’m pushing through a new level in my professional and personal life it’s a sign of growth rather than imposter syndrome …
Hi coaches. I’m really struggling to let go of a kind of ‘grass is greener’ or ‘my life is going to start when X happens’ story. I made some big changes in my life about a year ago and I’ve been much happier and healthier since. However now that I have some distance from my …
Dear coaches <3, Somedays I have a restless feeling, like today. And I always try to figure out where this restless feeling is coming from. Mostly this ends up in a negative spiral of thoughts like ‘I feel restless’, ‘Where is this restless feeling coming from’, ‘I can’t feel where it’s coming from’, ‘I’ll never …
Dear Ask a Coach, I would like to get some coaching on my relationship with stress/feeling stressed. I currently have a period at work that is quite busy, with multiple projects going on at the same time, all of which have similar upcoming deadlines. One project, in particular, is quite time-consuming (and it is my …
Yes the feelings in my dream are relaxed, ease, still and contended being alone in a comfortable and beautiful hotel. There’s also the feelings of delight and inspiration from the art works. On the first set of feelings, I think this may be coming from perfectionist tendencies that tend to mean I have high expectations …
I feel resistance towards the concept of life is being 50/50. The thoughts I have around this is: – What is the point of working on myself when 50procent (!! omg that is so much) is gonna suck anyway? If feel very desperate about this. – Is life really that black and white, I hope …
C – My friend suggested I spend an unpaid day off work with her and her three kids. I explained due to the tube strike it would be difficult for me to meet her to which she responded she would come over to a location close to me. T – She is bringing her kids …
Maisie spoke about dreams in her goal setting call today. My dream is about resting and pleasure. I see myself wearing beautiful clothing, going to the opera, waking up in a beautiful hotel room with crisp white cotton sheets, drinking tea in bed and then reading the paper at a table outside a cafe with …
Hello and thank you so much for your answer. I think you were right in pointing out that I’ve been carrying a burden for the past few months. Thinking something like “it’s unfair that I have to deal with this” hasn’t really helped me. Though I stand by my decisions during the past few months …
I received an email yesterday that I was not selected for an interview for a new job that I applied for back in January. I’m allowing myself to feel disappointment, and in my TDL this morning, I could see that I don’t really want a new job, per se. I just want to leave my …
Holding onto a vision of what I thought my life would be like Read More »
Thanks for the useful pointers! The threat I fear is humiliation. The likelihood of this happening at my work is minimal. If someone is disappointed with me, that is their business, not mine. I know I am great at my job and widely appreciated by my colleagues. Even if I am publicly humiliated, I know …
Hello, I would love some help with my thoughts towards colleagues. I work in academia in two different departments at the same university. I find the colleagues and atmosphere in one department quite challenging and negative. So I’ve been (consciously and unconsciously) gravitating more towards the other department (prioritizing their meetings, going out with some …
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Hi Ask a Coach, Could you provide some feedback on some models I’ve done around being in groups of people? Unintentional C: In a group of people, T: I need to make conversation, F: Paralysed/inhibited, A: Don’t ask people questions, A: Rely on others to drive conversation. A: If partner is present stick to him …
Dear coaches My word for 2023 is self-love which I’ve been using as monthly goals to prioritise my physical, emotional and mental health. As part of that, I gave up Slimming World which although had previously helped me lose 1 stone, I had slowly put back on and was increasing my feelings of guilt and …
I know that it is normal for human brains to have a negativity bias. And I think years’ of anxiety and depression in adolescence has made my bias quite strong without me recognising things can be any different – thinking of this in a neutral way without passing judgment on myself. I know that there …
Hi, Thanks for the coaching. It felt very helpful to see how I have been telling myself passive communication is ‘easy’ and assertive communication is the harder route. After spending some time writing on this, I’ve come up with Is people pleasing easy? – It can feel easier in the moment as I can feel …
I have read back my notes from the end of Dec beginning of Jan after listening to Maisie talk about making decisions. I would like some help on making my decision. I want to change my work. I like my workplace (school) but it is 6 days a week , long days and I am …
I’m noticing a recurrent situation where I have a fast nervous system response and I would like to be able to respond differently. It typically happens at work when I am challenged in a group setting by a question or statement relating to work I have done, usually by the same guy – my boss …
I’ve noticed a lot of anxiety coming up around possibly letting a friend down. It’s been a habit thought of mine that I ‘don’t know how to do friendships’ and I’d like to overcome it, as I know I can’t control my friends’ feelings, but at the same time I want to be a better …
I am a farm vet and face challenging situations commonly. I have a habit of beating myself up when things don’t go to plan. This example is a classic – I was asked to look at a calving at the end of a farm visit for something else. The farmer voiced that she wasn’t worth …
Perfectionist tendancies at work – help with models. Read More »
C: I’ve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
You’re right, you don’t need your mum to approve of your choices. You need to approve of your choices. In what ways do you believe the things your family says about how you live, who you love and how you parent? I don’t believe these things they say/tell me, I am 100% sure of where …
okay. I know that this doesn’t have to be a complicated, drawn out shift for me. I feel confident with coaching and self-coaching that I can learn and grow and get to a healthier place with feelings, managing emotions, and making space for me. this is encouraging. I am definitely uncomfortable with my own feelings …
thinking that feelings don’t really matter pt. 2 Read More »
Hi, I would love coaching on the following situation: My husband and I moved to the United States 2 years ago, he is a postdoc and I tried to continue my medical training here which didn´t work out due to several reasons (got coaching on this before). We are now looking into our next options …
I posted in the FB group about how I realized that I was subconsciously labeling everything I do that involves other people as “emotional labor.” Sometimes, I am doing actual labor, like my job, which is teaching writing classes at a community college. I think I have been labeling many actions as “emotional labor” because …
For a while now I have been wondering if the teaching profession is right for me after all. The profession does require a lot of time outside of working hours and I no longer feel able / comfortable in giving that. My situation has changed now from when I first entered the profession living with …
Yes! That’s it. Thank you! Its about what could have been, and thinking that the time I have left to experience feeling loved, safe, and protected by my parents is starting to run out. I have identified many (sometimes conflicting) layers to it: 1. I want closure. I want my parents to come around. To …
Dear Ask A Coach, Lately I’ve been doing daily thought downloads/models, and I’ve noticed a couple of recurring core beliefs that I’m having some trouble shifting. The first is: “If I am perfect, I am safe.” Logically, intellectually I know that perfection doesn’t exist/is impossible/is in the eye of the beholder. I know that. But …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
I’m recently back to work following maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit stuck with what to do with my job / career in both the short and long term! I’m currently working in marketing in a job that pays ok, offers lots of flexibility in an industry I have experience in, which I can …
Hey Coaches! So my mom turned 64 last year and in January she retired. I kind of still consider her quite young and she is very active and is open to some new experiences etc. At the same time it feels like this is one of the last stages of her life and her retiring …
Thanks so much for the coaching! It is really helpful to see an outside perspective that can dissect my C, F and A lines for me. I have done a thought download on ‘Evening activities’ right after I received the coaching and one just now, about two weeks later. When I compare the two thought …
Thank you for your coaching, it’s felt good to explore these questions. What’s hard to accept about myself in dorsal? – A lot of it could be variations of ‘other people thinking I’m not good enough’, and me thinking I’m not good enough. I think my numbness and depression in this state make me unlovable. …
Things That Came Up From Nervous System Mapping #2 Read More »
This is probably going to need to be a series because there’s a lot to unpack in this one… I hired someone into my team three years ago and have had a lot of challenges with them ever since – they have difficulty meeting deadlines, trouble prioritizing, work needs a lot of revisions when it’s …
Thank you so much for your answer. I love the idea of allowing myself to be imperfect, too. I added A lines to both intentional models. Intentional model 1 C: I’ve decided to meet my family for dinner next Saturday T: I will take care of myself during the dinner (e.g. by taking toilet breaks, …
Thank you for your response. Maisie’s point on the purpose of self-coaching really touched me. Why bother going through all the trouble of self-coaching? Here are my thoughts: I feel an obligation to be the best version of myself because I have chosen to have children. I don’t want to f- them up because I’ve …
I’d love to receive some coaching on the thought that healing or getting better is this long, drawn-out, complex and difficult process. I know Maisie has talked about how that is just something our brains are telling us and that it’s not inherently true. And honestly the idea that maybe healing can be simple, quick …
I work in a primary school where the children can work individually, which involves much more spontaneity and individual support/help. Today school started again after the holidays. At noon when we’ve eaten all together I’ve got really emotional and asked, if it’s okey, that I take a bit of time for myself and have eaten …
I’ve noticed a pattern of frustration and irritation with the different social groups I’ve been in, going back even 10 years ago, I literally get so pissed off with the people who I care about who constantly talk about the things they want to do, or problems they want to solve, and then do Nothing, …
Hello, I had a very lovely day in nature today and, whilst I was feeling so content and happy, I decided to agree to meet my parents, my brother and his girlfriend for dinner next Saturday. However, as soon as my dad texted me the location, I felt my energy shifting. I’ve felt excluded and …
I have formed an attachment to a manager at work. I thought I had before, but finding out they are leaving, confirmed I did. I felt sadness and loss. It’s an older (than me) male. To me, they’re sensitive, stable, reliable, enthusiastic, creative, they seem like a good loving father (spoken about and I’ve heard …
I work in a secondary school where the vast majority of staff are in the 20s and many of which still in their early 20s have taken on middle leadership positions. I have made the conscious decision not to – though I had been offered such a position. I have noticed this group of staff …
I am in a transition where I am starting two businesses, have just moved back to the United States, am living with my parents, and do not have a stable income or specific direction. When I think about my bigger dream and vision it is very clear. I see myself as an entrepreneur or business …
Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern that I’m trying to make sense of. when I hear about other peoples’ accomplishments or major life milestones, it brings up a lot of thoughts related to envy or resentment. The severity of the envy and whether resentment is included or not has to do with the stories I’ve …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
Thank you for the reply to the first question. I had no idea how black and white my thinking was until it was plainly written and how obvious! It was apparent I was leaving no space in the friendship for change (for better or worse) which limited me to two choices. Steps have been taken …
Hi lovely coaches! I am coming at you today with something that has been floating in my brain for the past couple of weeks. A friend and colleague of mine has had an accident a year ago, which was very physically and emotionally traumatic. It resulted in lots of health issue and a serious brain …
I have an ongoing problem that’s been there for a really long time in my relationship with my partner. The essence of it is that he struggles with verbal communication, and I struggle with intimate pleasure. I need to feel very safe to engage in intimacy and I get easily activated, so sometimes I don’t …
Problems with my partner that come up over and over Read More »
Hello! I just watched the Self Love Workshop from 2021, going through part of that workbook. I really resonated with the coaching for Gemma. The unintentional model about not showing up as herself with other people who she considers to be in a different social standing and feeling inadequate is also how I feel and …
Hi, Me and my partner has just moved house, and he has also just started in a new job. We are so happy with the new place, and on paper everything is great! However I have noticed in the last days since we moved I feel worried, upset, sad, anxious, unable to be productive and …
Thank you for your answer. I love the thought “sometimes humans are judgmental and it’s ok” because it doesn’t make them judgmental humans but humans that are sometimes judgmental. I think this can help me to build different kinds of connections with them and accept them for who they are. Also, if I apply this …
I have tried to be explicit setting a boundary with my sister asking her not to ask me to lend her money. She asked me can she put money on my credit card for the space of 6 days. I think this is the part the makes it feel harder to say no, because it’s …
Hey lovely AAC coaches, Woof! Just finished up with nervous system mapping & listening to the first two creating safety calls. Started pursuing the goal of learning to work with my nervous system after recognising more & more that I spend a lot of time in freeze/dorsal. ‘I’m not good enough’ is a thought that …
I found myself criticising myself following a meeting at work last week. And spending time worrying about what the other person thought of me. The meeting and the outcome were fine, but I felt afterwards that I had talked too much, and wasn’t clear and articulate enough. And this all feeds into the idea I …
Hi wonderful coaches On Thursday I attended the funeral of my partner’s friend’s girlfriend, who died just before Christmas at aged 31 (my age). I’ve been to a handful of funerals before but this was the first time witnessing the burial. I found it both beautiful (the coffin was showered with origami butterflies and then …
Hello team, I recently lost my dad very unexpectedly and it’s been rough. At the same time, I’m at the end of a trial period of my new job. This job currently seems rather unimportant to me, but I think that is the grief speaking. It is also very turbulent right now since there a …
Hi I’m new to the flow collective and am now into Module 3 of “Harnessing Your Hormones”. I have yet to dive deeper into any decision-making modules or any other topic. However, I was wondering if I could get some coaching regarding a recurring issue that I’m facing. A year ago, I decided to come …
A huge thank you for your feedback and question. I took your question (if you could divide your list of things to help you achieve your goal of loving yourself into three categories, what would those categories be?) and your suggestion to bring self-love into it and worked with that and this is what I …
Hello, I’ve recently joined the flow collective and have not yet been in touch with a coach. I wondered if you could help me with some sticky situations I seem to find myself in with my son. He’s a strong willed beautiful boy and I (try to…) consciously/natural/attachment parent him (I’m also a solo parent). …
Thank you for the previous coaching, I am definitely working through that! I realise that after being coached live in the winter activate workshop, I have felt like in not sure if I actually have a word of the year, if its ok to have implementation, even after examining where it comes from, and if …
This is a continuation from a post I made about my reflections on the working less lesson: that if we all only do what we want to do, that wouldn’t be good for community, for support to occur, as we don’t always want to help or support, but we see that its necessary. I have …
Would support still exist if we all only did exactly what we want to do? Read More »
Dear Coach, I’ve come across the term compartmentalisation lately a lot and it seems to have either a negative or positive connotation depending on which angle you look at it from. It is usually seen as a mechanism to avoid cognitive dissonance. A friend of mine said to me the other day that she started …
I have a very trivial circumstance that I think could be a good playground for exploring some models on some deeper self-critical thoughts I have about a belief that I am messy, chaotic and can sometimes be absent-minded. The circumstance is making pancakes at a friend’s parents’ house, the fire alarm went off multiple times …
I would like some support with processing my past relationship while being in a new one. I was in a 7-year relationship where during the last year or so, I was in constant doubt as to whether this was what I wanted or not. It was my first relationship and while I was happy for …
I hate to be a woman since im kid especially since my first period. Im angry to be a woman and jealous at men on how easy life seems to be for them. I have the impression i have served them all my life not taking care of my own needs, being victim of emotional …
Rumination and negative self talk destroying relationships Read More »
Dear coaches, I’ve joined TFC recently and have already learned a lot through coaching – both through Ask A Coach and self-coaching models – so today I decided it’s time to try and tackle a pattern that I have been struggling for years and years (I am mid-twenties now, but I remember struggling with this …
Hi AAC, This is something that has been whizzing around my brain for months but am yet to take any action. I thought I was more or less certain in the direction I was waiting for the ‘right time’, however the relationship coachings have shifted this. This friend I have known for 8 years and …
It was so helpful to identify that I rarely/ never acknowledge what I am good at in my role as a Pilates teacher. So simple, yet really showed me that I’m giving so much airtime to what I don’t think has gone well and not giving any thought to what I’m doing well. Over the …
I was recently asked by an acquaintance in a group if I would like to have a phone call with them to get to know each other better. Instead of telling the truth, that I don’t really have space in my life right now for a new friendship, I said that I would love to …
Hello coaches! I’m a language teacher to kids and teenagers who come for one hour classes in the evening back to back. Days I work a lot I have little energy, patience and brain power left to deal with the noise and special needs students towards the end of the day and feel overwhelmed, sad …
Hi! I have a lot going on—toxic job I’m trying to leave, trying to conceive, and I was recently prescribed a very low dose of SSRIs because my coping strategies weren’t keeping up with my levels of anxiety. I want to give the medication a chance but the initial side effect is a huge increase …
As I have to move out of my house I have been going to look at a number of different places to move to. I (we) got rejected from all of them, my occurring thoughts are all along the lines of why would they choose us? We are students. We are internationals. If I was …
For the past 6 weeks or so, I have felt quite overwhelmed by the Flow Collective and the process of thought work. I have felt that my capacity is limited, and what time I have to dedicate to my wellbeing needs to be spent doing things that calm and nourish me, like walking or meditating. …
Thanks for your response. Here are my thoughts on your questions. On reflection, the first goal and set of rocks works for me. It’s the second goal in particular that is causing my squirmishness. What do I see – too much; complicating things What do I think is lacking – specific actionables and outcomes (especially …
Thank you very much for your words, they were very helpful. I thought about this for a long time. To expect compassion in such a situation would have been too much for me. I clearly had a strong nervous reaction. One of my goals this year is to make my nervous system a top priority. …
Customer or Friend? Or: Turning from Defensiveness to Compassion (Pt. 2) Read More »
Hello Flow Coach, Thank you for your response and support. It is an ongoing issue, so I’ve created a ‘part 2’ to reply to your guidance. I used your guiding questions and it helped a lot. I’ll summarise my answers here and tell you what my action was. I also have a follow up question. …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 2 Read More »
I have been taking steps to become an intuitive eater as I want to not feel rubbish about how I look. It’s been going well and all in all I have felt okay. However I cannot help look at myself in photos and feel terrible about the way I look, ive cleansed my social media …
I have a problem with my partners naps and I haven’t managed to change my outlook on it over the last 5 years, I’d say maybe it even has got worse. They can fall asleep anywhere and never wake up when we agreed/their alarm goes off. Then spend the next x amount of time trying …
I’m recovering from a burnout from work . There are many reasons for the burnout , the work environment , my people pleasing tendencies, challenging projects, and tricky individuals and tricky projects. Im much stronger now , and slowly working towards going back to work . However there are certain individuals who were part of …
Thank you for your answer. It’s been really helpful to hear that other people thought’s about me are 50/50. I’ve applied the 50/50 rule to so many areas in my life (people I meet etc.) and it really helps to put things into perspective. Interestingly, it often made me realize that the part that feels …
I have listened to the evaluate webinar today and have thought about January on the basis of connection. Can you give me any feedback? Thanks Currently on day 26 so feeling a bit heavy hearted and depleted as I write this… What went well Connection with Charlie (husband) -Curry night once in month -Amazing sex …
I would like coaching on how to work out what is going on in my head and heart when I communicate with my husband – this might be impossible though ! I listened to Maisie’s webinar about relationships. I am stuck a bit on the idea that a lot of what we believe about other …
Hello previously I asked about my autumn goal (my spring) and was really stuck with actually advertising my business… This remains the problem…So I have decided to make my winter (my summer) goal : to advertise my health coaching business. My rocks are 1) create flyers, print and deliver locally (x 400 fliers). 2) create …
I had a course to deliver which I did not stick to the schedule I set out, to ensure the work didn’t overwhelm me. Which meant I was still tweaking bits on the day and part of it wasn’t ready and I had to alter what I planned to provide. I am proud that I …
Didnt finish my work in time – again. How do I shift this disappointment in myself? Read More »
My partner and I are trying to conceive. I found out last spring that I have polycystic ovaries and I was prescribed Letrozole to stimulate ovulation. Since I started the Letrozole treatment in November, I’ve ovulated twice, which is exciting. If I don’t get pregnant in the next few months though, my OBGYN is likely …
I am working on some models around my job and the relationship to my boss. Unintentional Model C: I work for my boss T: She wants to keep me small F: Hurt A: I withdraw so that she can’t hurt me, I stay small so that she wont really see me, I am very focused …
I listened to Maisie being interviewed about her divorces on Sade Curry’s podcast last night and a couple of things she said about her ex-husband resonated with how I feel about my husband. This led me to wonder if I should get a divorce, which sent me into total fight or flight – I didn’t …
The previous week, I took several massive, imperfect actions to get closer toward my goal for 2023 – to move to a new country and to find a job in a new industry. This is a special goal for me because the reason behind it is simply that I want to do this. It’s entirely …
Thankyou for your previous guidance. I’ve been working on regulating my emotions and I’ve realised i’m struggling with accepting what is – I’ve realised ultimately I am still wishing it hadn’t happened. He was wrong to do it. She was wrong to behave the way she did. Everything I did was wrong. It wasn’t supposed …
Thank you so much for your input on my first question. Having now watched Module 4 of Harness your hormones, I’ve done the following model for the situation with my colleague: Circumstance: I said ‘I mean… Jesus’ on a work WhatsApp group at at Catholic school. My colleague said ‘please keep this chat civil.’ Thought: …
Hi dear coach! I decided it’s time for me to get this out here! I’ve been a while from home, for 3/4 months. I’ve noticed me having some thoughts about the contact I am (not) having with mom online/via the telephone. I noticed a desire to structure our calls f.e. once a week so we …
I recently posted in the community the following: Been here several months and felt so much growth, but today is a test. The feelings of shame around leaving my self assessment tax return to the last minute are real. I know I have the tools to avoid a full on shame spiral, but a lot …
Thank you – this really helps. 1. Here is a model that I’v e been exploring… C – exploring relationships in the past T – we are all human and everyone can make mistakes. It’s in the past. F – forgiveness for myself and others A – stop reuminating on the past and looking for …