Hello Right now, I feel I am in a low place in my life. I made a decision recently which I think will be beneficial, but I am finding it difficult to place what it means for me going forward. I always had a difficult relationship with my dad, and a couple of months ago …
Hi, My partner and I have been together for 26 years, a life of adventure and kids. Commitment and love are present as well as all the other life experiences that come with being alive. He comes from a very religious and traditional family and getting married was a priority in the beginning. It wasn’t …
Hi, A few months ago I had some brilliant coaching here titled ‘Family moving to my area’ and we did a few coachings back and forth on that. In a nutshell my disabled mum and sister have moved from living 3 hours away to 25 minutes. Historically I haven’t had much of a relationship with …
Thank you: I had a conversation with my husband and am proud that I waited for a moment that was calm and we were not rushed. I waited three days after talking to the school in Berlin. I was calm and prepared to just listen and not defend my corner. The conversation went well – …
Dear coaches, I noticed a thought for the first time today, which I’ve had for over 2 years (I remember thinking it and forget all about it, because of the stress it causes me each time). So I tried to express it as clearly as possible in the following two models: Circumstance: my family T: …
Hi, Thanks for the coaching. It felt very helpful to see how I have been telling myself passive communication is ‘easy’ and assertive communication is the harder route. After spending some time writing on this, I’ve come up with Is people pleasing easy? – It can feel easier in the moment as I can feel …
I have read back my notes from the end of Dec beginning of Jan after listening to Maisie talk about making decisions. I would like some help on making my decision. I want to change my work. I like my workplace (school) but it is 6 days a week , long days and I am …
C: Iâve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
You’re right, you don’t need your mum to approve of your choices. You need to approve of your choices. In what ways do you believe the things your family says about how you live, who you love and how you parent? I donât believe these things they say/tell me, I am 100% sure of where …
I found the coaching really helpful, thank you. During my thought download on âWhy do you want to be more assertiveâ I discovered a few reasons that resonate and feel good. 1. I want to feel more free of the frustrations I feel at having to soften everything/ people please/ spend ages constructing messages/ pretending …
okay. I know that this doesn’t have to be a complicated, drawn out shift for me. I feel confident with coaching and self-coaching that I can learn and grow and get to a healthier place with feelings, managing emotions, and making space for me. this is encouraging. I am definitely uncomfortable with my own feelings …
thinking that feelings don’t really matter pt. 2 Read More »
Hi, I would love coaching on the following situation: My husband and I moved to the United States 2 years ago, he is a postdoc and I tried to continue my medical training here which didn´t work out due to several reasons (got coaching on this before). We are now looking into our next options …
After listening to Maisie speak about thought downloads and advising via FB about just getting coached, this is what I have written down. Iâm not entirely sure what I need/want coaching on or what question I am asking. I canât get this into a model at the moment as it seems to have so many …
I am pregnant for the first time, and really struggling with the first trimester pregnancy nausea. I don’t quite throw up every day, more often I just end up running to the bathroom and retching but then not actually vomiting. I talked to my healthcare provider about this, they didn’t seem concerned and told me …
Hi, seven years ago, my husband started on a journey to create our own start-up. I joined him in 2018 full time (-ish, as I had to freelance to make a living). We have launched in the mass-market twice, so on paper, we are successful and others envy us. We have a way to go …
Yes! That’s it. Thank you! Its about what could have been, and thinking that the time I have left to experience feeling loved, safe, and protected by my parents is starting to run out. I have identified many (sometimes conflicting) layers to it: 1. I want closure. I want my parents to come around. To …
Dear Ask A Coach, Lately Iâve been doing daily thought downloads/models, and Iâve noticed a couple of recurring core beliefs that Iâm having some trouble shifting. The first is: âIf I am perfect, I am safe.â Logically, intellectually I know that perfection doesnât exist/is impossible/is in the eye of the beholder. I know that. But …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
I’m recently back to work following maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit stuck with what to do with my job / career in both the short and long term! I’m currently working in marketing in a job that pays ok, offers lots of flexibility in an industry I have experience in, which I can …
Hey Coaches! So my mom turned 64 last year and in January she retired. I kind of still consider her quite young and she is very active and is open to some new experiences etc. At the same time it feels like this is one of the last stages of her life and her retiring …
Thank you so much for your answer. Your suggestion was really helpful and I came up with the following A lines for my second model: I try to ground myself during the dinner; I stand up for myself; if someone says something I find inappropriate, I will address it; I accept when I dissociate at …
Thank you so much for your answer. I love the idea of allowing myself to be imperfect, too. I added A lines to both intentional models. Intentional model 1 C: I’ve decided to meet my family for dinner next Saturday T: I will take care of myself during the dinner (e.g. by taking toilet breaks, …
Thank you for your response. Maisieâs point on the purpose of self-coaching really touched me. Why bother going through all the trouble of self-coaching? Here are my thoughts: I feel an obligation to be the best version of myself because I have chosen to have children. I don’t want to f- them up because Iâve …
I have a muslim background and the tradition says to invite family to a wedding. I have decided, since it’s a mixed culture wedding, so also half western wedding not to invite all the family. Actually as few guests as possible, concerning family. I want it to be something with my chosen family and a …
discomfort about not inviting certain family members to my wedding Read More »
Hello, I had a very lovely day in nature today and, whilst I was feeling so content and happy, I decided to agree to meet my parents, my brother and his girlfriend for dinner next Saturday. However, as soon as my dad texted me the location, I felt my energy shifting. I’ve felt excluded and …
I have formed an attachment to a manager at work. I thought I had before, but finding out they are leaving, confirmed I did. I felt sadness and loss. Itâs an older (than me) male. To me, theyâre sensitive, stable, reliable, enthusiastic, creative, they seem like a good loving father (spoken about and Iâve heard …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
Hi coaches, I’m at a junction in my life and unsure about my next steps or what my real motivations are. I stopped working when I had children and now that my youngest has just started school, I’m wondering what my next move should be. My husband works very long hours and it’s important for …
It has come tocmy attention that my 9yo son isn’t ok with physical contact with me. I realised that we barely hug last year, but im sad to say that.i definitely didn’t do enough to rectify it. He was ill this weekend and it firstly took me ages to go over to him to sit …
I have tried to be explicit setting a boundary with my sister asking her not to ask me to lend her money. She asked me can she put money on my credit card for the space of 6 days. I think this is the part the makes it feel harder to say no, because itâs …
A huge thank you for your feedback and question. I took your question (if you could divide your list of things to help you achieve your goal of loving yourself into three categories, what would those categories be?) and your suggestion to bring self-love into it and worked with that and this is what I …
Hello, I’ve recently joined the flow collective and have not yet been in touch with a coach. I wondered if you could help me with some sticky situations I seem to find myself in with my son. He’s a strong willed beautiful boy and I (try to…) consciously/natural/attachment parent him (I’m also a solo parent). …
Hey again đ Thank you for your support – what an uplifting and insightful reply that was. I’ll follow in line with the three questions I asked in Part 2. There is no question here, just to respond to your points with my thoughts and to clear the space before I come back in Part …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 3 Read More »
Thank you very much for your words, they were very helpful. I thought about this for a long time. To expect compassion in such a situation would have been too much for me. I clearly had a strong nervous reaction. One of my goals this year is to make my nervous system a top priority. …
Customer or Friend? Or: Turning from Defensiveness to Compassion (Pt. 2) Read More »
Hello Flow Coach, Thank you for your response and support. It is an ongoing issue, so I’ve created a ‘part 2’ to reply to your guidance. I used your guiding questions and it helped a lot. I’ll summarise my answers here and tell you what my action was. I also have a follow up question. …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 2 Read More »
I’m struggling to sort through this decision- My partner and I need to rebuild our savings after some financial challenges at the end of 2022. I have two options now to support him in this 1. Get an agency job as a care worker/waitress/bar staff/cleaner etc 2. Take on more paid research work/tutoring. I feel …
Decision making- chasing short or long term work goals Read More »
I have a problem with my partners naps and I havenât managed to change my outlook on it over the last 5 years, Iâd say maybe it even has got worse. They can fall asleep anywhere and never wake up when we agreed/their alarm goes off. Then spend the next x amount of time trying …
I would like coaching on how to work out what is going on in my head and heart when I communicate with my husband â this might be impossible though ! I listened to Maisieâs webinar about relationships. I am stuck a bit on the idea that a lot of what we believe about other …
My partner and I are trying to conceive. I found out last spring that I have polycystic ovaries and I was prescribed Letrozole to stimulate ovulation. Since I started the Letrozole treatment in November, Iâve ovulated twice, which is exciting. If I donât get pregnant in the next few months though, my OBGYN is likely …
I listened to Maisie being interviewed about her divorces on Sade Curry’s podcast last night and a couple of things she said about her ex-husband resonated with how I feel about my husband. This led me to wonder if I should get a divorce, which sent me into total fight or flight – I didn’t …
Thankyou for your previous guidance. Iâve been working on regulating my emotions and Iâve realised iâm struggling with accepting what is – Iâve realised ultimately I am still wishing it hadnât happened. He was wrong to do it. She was wrong to behave the way she did. Everything I did was wrong. It wasnât supposed …
I have two different models that I would like to have some feedback on. Both of them are kind of related. MODEL 1 Circumstance: My dad told me dad âIâm reaching a certain ageâ and that I will need to settle down. Thought: This makes me worry about the near future and the social pressure …
Hi dear coach! I decided it’s time for me to get this out here! I’ve been a while from home, for 3/4 months. I’ve noticed me having some thoughts about the contact I am (not) having with mom online/via the telephone. I noticed a desire to structure our calls f.e. once a week so we …
Hi coaches, I look part in the recalibrate and activate workshop which was so eye opening and helpful. As a new member, I wanted to run through my goal for this year to get your feedback and check I’m on the right path. The 3 results I’d like to create in 2023 are: 1. to …
Thank you – this really helps. 1. Here is a model that I’v e been exploring… C – exploring relationships in the past T – we are all human and everyone can make mistakes. It’s in the past. F – forgiveness for myself and others A – stop reuminating on the past and looking for …
My partner and I had a frank conversation that was long overdue a few months ago regarding children; he admitted that he didn’t really want them though for my sake would try. We have known each other for almost 3 years and married for more than 2 of those years. Within two weeks of meeting …
I am really struggling with being âtold offâ at the moment. Or that is how my brain is interpreting a lot of interactions right now. For example, this evening I really wanted to spend some time with my husband so I got the kids in bed early (he was at therapy) but I then fell …
Hi, Thank you so much for the reply which gave me food for thought. I had a think about what was suggested..what’s holding me back from taking action to build self confidence. The things that came up included.. Getting it wrong Looking stupid Not being good enough And being bothered about what others may think …
Dear coach, Thank you for your feedback. It felt very cathartic writing my story down – I think it’s the first time I’ve ever laid it out like that. To answer your questions – How much suffering do you think is enough to be able to forgive yourself? I think I have suffered enough.It’s been …
Hi, I am excited to use ask a coach for the first time and would love feedback on my one year plan. I’d love to give you some context first: I moved continent in 2021 in order to join my husband for his postdoc in the US. For a year I tried to continue my …
I have fallen out with my sister over her selfishness towards myself and my family and although we have had several discussions and lots of tears I cannot seem to bring myself to get over it. I want to be able to forgive her as I hate whatâs happened between us but things are still …
Hi! My original word for the year was implementation. I wanted my goal(s)to be: being more consistent, to take better care of myself and to not feel overwhelmed ( I didnt really understand the rocks thing at this point). After some coaching and listening back to it, I meditated on dealing with the overwhelm and …
Since I joined The Flow Collective and set my goals and word for the year, I’ve been on such a high. Full of energy, ready to do the work necessary to reach my goals, and willing to invest money in myself for the first time in a long while. For many years I struggled to …
Hi Iâm in very early pregnancy and feeling really anxious. Iâve tried sitting with my emotions and feeling how they come up. Also doing some thought downloads and using intentional thoughts like âthis is possible for meâ âI trust my body knows what itâs doingâ but keep having thoughts that this wonât work for me …
My brother’s social media and algorithm has shifted his world view. (Andrew Tate has come up far too many times) He is on a drive to make millions as quick as he can, disregarding everything in his way… including family. He has also started expressing misogynistic views but refuses to see them that way. I …
Thank you for the proposition of staying with the pain and allow it. I did that for 2 years, I cried and cried and cried and now I want to be happy, it is time to be happy! I realized that I don’t want to cry anymore. And what my brain was offering is : …
(first timer asking for coaching alert – and newbie to TFC, joined at Twixmas!) I’m currently solo-parenting as my husband is working abroad for 12 days. Although this is a habit I have when he is around to co-parent, I’ve noticed it more when he is away and I have extended periods of solo-parenting. It …
Thank you very, very much. The thought download has helped me so much. I understood that these thoughts I had about my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are basically my thoughts about myself. I don’t feel good enough, in fact I think about myself I should do more, achieve more. Taking these thoughts to myself and being …
Mother-In-Law Activates Competitive Feeling In Me Part 2 Read More »
Dear Coaches, During the re-calibrate and activate workshops, we were asked to listen to what our wombs and ovaries might want to share with us. At first I thought…this is crazy, but it turned out to be a pretty powerful experience. For some background, in 2021, I had a series of ‘unexplainable’ physical health issues …
One of my goals for this year is to reduce feelings of urgency and overwhelm that have a knock on effect on my family life. Generally when I’m in an unfamiliar situation, plans have changed or sprung with little notice, and comes from a feeling of being overwhelmed. A few days before my period, I …
Goal : to reduce feeling of urgency and PMS rage Read More »
Right now I need more self coaching than I have ever needed in my life. I need to be the calm and loving mother in an intense way for the foreseeable future and I am in such a state of shock and pain myself that I need something to help me be both ok and …
Hello, I wrote about this in my intro on the fb group in the new members area. I’m struggling to find the strength to totally stand on my own and be alone with myself. Backstory is I’m the baby of a big extended family and always had people around me and didn’t have to make …
I have a very vulnerable grandmother and I am her closest relative geographically. She is hard work and not your normal cuddly grandma â she has had Schizophrenia and nervous breakdowns through her life and it’s never been treated. My family have hidden her mental health as back then, it was a shameful problem. I …
Feeling guilt tripped by family + boundary setting Read More »
After feeling quite defensive for a few days, I saw that I’ve been blinded by this narrative of “my mother sees me as a child”. I even feel embarrassed about what I wrote, even though I acknowledge it came from a place of pain and not-enoughness. Taking off the glasses has helped me to see …
Dear AAC This morning i did a thought download and I realized that I am still in denial about my separation (2 years ago) with my 20 years husband. It doesn’t feel true/ the reality. We spent a long time together so it seems normal that things takes time but I would like help to …
Hi there, I’m a new member to the collective (and absolutely loving it!) and have started to practise some self coaching and models. I’ve heard Massie speak about the idea of removing ourselves from other peoples’ interpretations of our words or actions e.g. if I told my mum I wasn’t coming home for Christmas and …
Dear coach, I’m in the last months of my Ph.D. (in the south of France). I am sure that I won’t be in academia after this and recently started doing health coaching which I quite enjoy. My 10-year plan is to be a well-established coach for autoimmune folks and help them to thrive in life …
Living in France for the last months of PhD and getting a citizenship Read More »
I have a difficult relationship with my mother. The extent of it became more clear after my dad passed away 5 years ago, as she now openly demands a lot more support from me now than before. One of her big things is, that she is afraid that she might hurt herself and that nobody …
Hello Coaches, Thank you for your guidance. I reflected a while on your advice on PT 2 to view this situation as a chance to learn something and as a âchallengeâ I have been send to earth to experience or to master. I did make my peace with my family being the way it is …
Dear Coaches – I would like some coaching please. I still feel guilty that my family (twins now nearly 18 and husband) moved from one part of the country to another for my work in 2017 (teacher). Guilt because I constantly question whether it was the right decision for us all; because the work has …
C : My two best mates have both recently split with their partners . I am reflecting on my relationship as a result with my partner. They are also making new friends with other people who single or are co parenting .I’m making sure I see both of them individually at most weekends when I …
Thank you for the last coaching! I listened again several times to the podcast episodes. They are very helpful and also asking if something is absolutely true is a very good approach. I think that I increasingly feel better and better what is really my responsibility and what is not. I am not responsible for …
Part 2: Dealing with Borderline Behaviour from my Partner Read More »
Hello This is my first time here in AAC. I would love to have some help to have some clarity to have a better relation with my son, who is 14yo and I feel disrespected. C : My son is a teenager T : The way he talk to me is disrespectful F : frustrated, …
Living with a teenager and wanting more peace in the house Read More »
One of my visions or goals for the year is to come out to my parents. When I think about this conversation I put barriers up in my mind like I need to find a new job or sort out my possessions in case I need to move out quickly. I find it hard to …
I worked through the Money Mindset workshop and uncovered a lot of shame/guilt Iâd like coaching to work through. -My parents built wealth from little family resources, and are able to help buy property for me. It will give me ease in life and freedom from mortgage but I feel guilt around not building the …
So Im nearly 41, Ive been through quite a few years of what I would describe as torment in trying to figure out if I want to have a child or not. In my mid 30s I decided I really did and to slow down on a very stressful career and job (av 12 hours …
Hi coaches, Your post in the facebook page got me thinking. The recalibrate workshops and the winter workshop made me feel SO inspired. I have a lot of big ideas. And the winter workshop put me into a model that made me think okay what if this were possible, what if this were simple, what …
Hello đ This post is about my relationship with my father and the limbo period we find ourselves in. There are big issues in my relationship with my father. They are issues I have (and therefore, in my model, that WE have). But my father denies they exist, and/or belittles them or blames me for …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts Read More »
My brother has struggled with over eating and secret eating since a teenager. I believe he found comfort in this when my Dad would be abusive towards him and say horrible things to insult him. He also felt abandoned by my Mum when my parents finally divorced and she met someone new. Fast forward 15 …
Difficult conversation; addiction with a family member Read More »
Hello! Iâm a new member, and have been working on choosing a word for the year / goals. Iâve found this very difficult indeed, like a muscle completely out of shape, so have been sitting with the discomfort for a bit and trying to work out what the âthought under the âI have no ambitions/goalsâ …
Internalised parental influence, struggling to find meaningful goals Read More »
C: Mum talks about grandchildren T: She will take over as soon as I am pregnant F: Suffocating/panic A: retreat from her/reduce contact, delay having children though I actually want to and so now I am trying for a baby I don’t tell her, try and research everything so I know enough that her ‘advice’ …
I notice I am overfunctioning for my partner. He is struggling with a lack of purpose/income in his career and has low moods about it. He has also made some big mistakes in things like taxes which will lead to a big joint bill and I notice my trust in him has been affected. My …
Last year my husband of 20 years moved out. I knew our relationship wasnât great (covid + two young children meant âusâ hadnât been a priority) however I suppose I always thought weâd just get through it and come back to each other. Turns out he cheated on me during a night out a month …
Feeling like I need to parent my little brother to support him through a break up. Ruminating over some words I wrote to him in an attempt to be firm but caring. In other words trying to get him to snap out of wallowing in self pity. I want to support him but also donât …
I’m realising that my days begin with me being in quite a heightened stress response, as a result of which I then feel drained and unable to do what I want with my mornings which are my most creative and productive time. It’s been this way for a long time as my young daughter can …
Tending to my nervous system while looking after a young child Read More »
I’m reflecting on my time at my family home over Christmas and would love some coaching on my response to my parents relationship. For context my mum has a chronic illness which badly effects her mobility and causes her a lot of pain which she takes a lot of very strong pain killers for. My …
I got angry last night at my toddler during bed time routine. I was very tired and I got impatient and then angry. I apologized with him after and said that I was sorry for yelling at him. Still, after hours I can’t seem to be able to forgive myself. There is a nagging inner …
Thank you for this coaching, it was very helpful. I noticed that I do this a lot â I intellectualize my feelings, and try to find explanations for why I feel this way instead of accepting them for what they are. I guess this is another way of buffering. Or trying to live in the …
Ever since I was a child, I have been drawn to the creative arts. They were not valued in my family nor in my school, which affected my path. I am also the kind of person who is good at most things, and would like to be an expert in something so that I can …
In response to previous coaching: My expectations of my husband⌠– I expect my husband to view childcare and jobs around the house as shared responsibilities – I expect my husband to consult me about activities/commitments he wants to do, so that we can jointly assess how feasible they are given our joint responsibilities – …
My husbandâs work commitments/lifestyle – part 2 Read More »
Am really struggling with my son today and decided to lean onto the collective. For some reason, this is quite hard for me to talk about and I don’t openly discuss it with anyone. My son is 9 and he has ADHD. He has very poor emotional regulation and gets angry/rageful very easily. When things …
Thank you for your guidance! I reflected on your answer and realized that my nervous system is in fight-mode, preparing for a whole pack of wolves coming at me. Thinking that might be untrue lifted quite a weight off of my heart. It is the first time I am behaving differently in this situation, so …
Dear Ask A Coach, Something came up for me during the visualization on Day 2 of Recalibrate and Activate that I wanted to get your feedback on. When I pictured my 10 year vision, what came to my mind was something to do with my career. That surprised me because my career is something that …
My husband works full time, runs his own business on the side, is doing a masters and volunteers regularly each week with the air cadets. He also fits in golf and bootcamp where he can. My issue is that I feel Iâve taken a very negative view of all this. For me, this is too …
It has recently become apparent that my sibling has fallen back into a drug problem. I feel the need to set some boundaries, especially regarding my children. Although we talk about recreational drug use with each other, I am pretty sure that they has moved onto harder drugs. They did mention this to me some …
I have struggled with feelings of loneliness for as long as I can remember, not always, but often around holidays. Christmas would often bring up feelings of shame that I was in my 30s now and still single and living with family. Now, I am married and bought my own property so I had imagined …
I am becoming a self-employed tattoo artist. The result I want is financial independence, particularly from my sexual abuse denying parents. Longer-term from social welfare, and (yes I do dare to say it) even financial freedom, comfort and wealth. Whilst still working to dismantle white-colonial, patriarchal Capitalism. I recently wrote a list subconscious beliefs I’ve …
We are going to my in-laws in the next few days. Today we spoke briefly on the phone because we are coming a day later because our two children have been ill for the last few days. My mother-in-law tells us about Evelyn, her daughter, and all the things she has to do. I’ve already …
Mother-in-law activates competitive feeling in me Read More »
Something came up for me yesterday relating to Christmas and family and expectations etc. It’s all very muddled in my head. I feel we have to made a trip to see my parents and family because it’s Christmas. I don’t want to spend 5+ hours in the car there, and back again. I don’t enjoy …
Hi coaches, earlier today I learned that my cousin, who has been very supportive over the last and very difficult year, apparently blew his top when he learned that I had modified a draft of a letter of motivation that he had kindly corrected for me. His version was very good and much better than …
Difficulty with knowing somebody exploded because of something I did Read More »