Hi dear Coaching Team! I am going for another attempt to make Ask A Coach work for me. Not because I have to, but because I suspect there is some thought work hidden in my relation to it as well as the modelling and I want to get to the bottom of it and make …
Hi dear coaches, Just today I heard from a colleague who is a bit more senior than me that she is at the last step of a big application grant. I told her I am really excited for her and that I will be there when she presents it asking for feedback. Her response sort …
Colleague submitting a funding proposal with a theme close to mine Read More »
Thank you. The coaching I got was: “Let’s keep going with this thought about humans being a part of Mother Nature/nature itself. If you respect nature a lot, and human being are a part of it, what does that mean about humans and their value or their inherent respectability?” The answer my brain came up …
I noticed I was censoring myself whilst making a new friend and colleague, feeling the opportunity to share something about myself and then choosing not to for fear of being exposing myself as bad in some way. I do this a lot I notice, with everyone. And through the self love journal prompts I realised …
I am returning home to Ireland from New Zealand after 6 years (yay!) to spend 6 weeks with my friends and family over Christmas. Something I have on my mind is alcohol consumption while I’m home. Over the past 2/3 years, my drinking habits have changed significantly. In Ireland, as is the culture unfortunately, I …
Hi dear coach, In my first submission, I was reflecting on my relationship with my childhood best friend. This was my model: C. Meeting with long time childhood friendship T. I don’t feel as close as I use to to this person. F. Sad A. Don’t share what I feel vulnerable about. Don’t look forward …
I posted in the Facebook group and had some great feedback that I wanted to build upon but as I wanted it to be anonymous, I’m writing it here. Unintentional model Thought download: I stayed over at the flat of a guy I like on Saturday night after his birthday drinks. We are in the …
In my opinion human can’t be good and bad at the same time because some degree of ‘badness’ makses the good unrelevant and not worth it. At least, that is my opinion. In my work I see on daily base the results of people who did terrible stuff and their good sides doesn’t make any …
I have two young children and work full-time. I am trying to make sense of thoughts/feelings about organising playdates and supporting my children to build strong friendships. Over the past three years, I have had periods of burnout due to full-time work and looking after my children as there was no wrap around care. I …
hi coaches! I’m writing this from a place of frustration and disappointment with a friend who very frequently cancels plans with me. She has endometriosis and depression, so I believe that she is often cancelling because she’s unwell (this is what she has communicated to me). I’m disappointed, but understanding in these moments. The part …
After some reflection (and coaching), I realised that my feelings were legitimate, “right” and that I didn’t have to or couldn’t talk myself out of them. I told her honestly how I felt and also clearly signalled my boundaries – for me, friendship always comes before a one-night stand, and the fact that she ignored …
My best friend slept with my first great love (Part 2) Read More »
Dear AAC, I’ve just finished watching the self love webinar and wanted to share something that has been showing up for me this week . I was in a meeting at work earlier this week and asked a colleague a question which appeared to be misinterpreted. I backed down from the point I was making …
I am beginning to express when I’m not happy about something in my relationships, at work and also in my romantic relationship. This is a fairly new thing for me, I am trying to be more aware of when I am feeling hurt, upset or angry about things that people have said or done rather …
Thank you for your answer. The thought “life is 50/50 and I decide where my focus goes” has been serving me really well (in all areas of my life). It’s been also helpful to bring my fears to the surface. It has all been going quite well recently. Yesterday, I had an actually really nice …
I have been dipping my toes into the feelings I have during dance lessons (Judged, Ashamed and a sprinkle of desperation) Here are two models I have come up with, including the one you suggested in the last response. C: Dance workshop T: These people are not openly welcoming F: Judged. S: Tensed, Out-of-body . …
Part II: Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy Read More »
I have been dabbling in some of the prompts from the self love journey, and have noticed something. I feel quite self conscious when people come to my house for the first time. Or when I think of inviting people I like a lot over. I’m worried about them reading into how the house is …
Hi, thanks for your coaching! Super helpful. I also wanted to send an update on this one, which was that I met with this old boss, and it went SO much better than I thought. She was really lovely and helpful, and seemed very in my corner. She said that I’d been ‘brave’ to go …
Contacting old boss + overcoming those fears = PART 4 Read More »
C -Jen asked to befriend me and said she felt she could trust me as a person. she also stated she felt she didn’t have many friends. Then she seemed unable to naturally connect with me but wasn’t clear that she didn’t want to work at developing a friendship anymore and seemed to have changed …
Hi coaches, I was working on the prompts from the self-love workshop and noticed that I am judging myself because I can’t do all of the following things at the same time: – living off-grid (means chopping wood, carrying water, using minimal electricity, so chores take longer) – care for a very active dog (ca …
I feel really sad to see the result line is “I don’t have a friendship” 🙁 Reading it back, I think the way I wrote my first submission was a bit unclear. My friend used to use the fact that we don’t speak often as friends as a way of guilting me into doing more …
Dear coaches, i am currently in a 4 day intensive acrobatic-dance workshop. My movement background is not dance, I am an evolving climber and handbalancer and aspire to become a dancer. In this workshop, the lever of participants is really high, most having many years of dance experience and wanting to pursue a career in …
Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy… Read More »
Hello. I have been single for about 2 years and in the past, I hadn’t constantly had a partner in my life. However, my close friends group have a good partnerships (as far as I can observe) and at times, it makes me feel like that I am alone. I have an understanding that they …
I noticed during yesterday’s call that while the work on loving and accepting myself over the past year has paid off in the way that I believe I am lovable and enough just as I am, I still don’t believe other people would see me that way. In a way, my mind turned the clean …
Yes I guess you are right and there is this black or white thinking. I am made a list of what else is possible (how I would like to meet up with friends). I feel shame around this to post it here because I think it doesn’t is normal to want those kind of contact… …
I have worked further with this theme and have made some models. I noticed I suffer a lot around this UM because it comes up mutiple times a day. UM: C: Meeting with friends on the planning in the near future. T: I don’t want this but can’t get out of it F: Unsafe and …
Hey, I have been working on a book for the past 3 years and it is finally going to be published next week. I am having a small launch event and am very touched that lots of family, friends and acquaintances are coming. But, and I’m not sure if this is because I’ve been feeling …
I have a close friend who I started working with on a freelance basis a few years ago. It was fun until it wasn’t, and I told him I wasn’t interested in doing more freelance work. At first I used migraines and my health as an excuse and told him I was too sick to …
Hi, I have noticed that I have a bit of a class complex…. which shows up in relationships with people / and even what I think is possible in my career for me. My upbringing is what I’d describe as working class / but appearing more lower middle class. My parents struggled a lot for …
Hi, I’m currently in process of going freelance. As part of this, I want to build more of an online presence / brand for myself – as I think this will help to share my work more widely and get the message out, also so more people will benefit from it. And because I know …
I’m looking for some ideas for how I can coach myself through some issues surrounding food that I have become aware of in recent years, particularly since becoming a mum. I don’t consider myself to he someone that has issues around food because I love to eat, I don’t limit or restrict myself and certainly …
I realised the other day that I feel a huge amount of discomfort around friends offering to buy things. I usually accept their kind gesture and offer to buy the next time but it feels so uncomfortable for me in my body and I often feel awkward and ruminate about it for some time afterwards. …
Hello dear coach, Today I’d like to explore my feelings regarding a childhood friendship that’s been evolving over the past few years. My friend and I basically grew up together from age 4 until age 19 or so – I am now 26. Needless to say we’ve been as close as sisters and now that …
I’ve had a situation with a colleague and friend in the last six weeks. She started ignoring me at work (I think because she had some issues in the friendship – but she didn’t communicate this to me, only one message saying ‘you realise you only ever message me now when you want something’ and …
My best friend slept with my first great love. She told me yesterday very nonchalantly in a voice message that it had been a long time with us (it is, 20 years!), that she hoped it wouldn’t be a problem for me. Even so it is very long ago, he was very special to me. …
Around 4 years ago I decided to move from the countryside to London and it was an exciting move. One of my best friends had secured a job in London and I wanted to follow suit so I applied in the same place as them and also got a job. So we were all set …
A school friend who I have not seen or spoken to in over a decade was/is keen to meet up after I reached out on Facebook. When she said she needed to talk to me about something and get advice I suspected it was to do with problems in her second marriage and after having …
Thanks so much for your help with this. Here is a summary of how things are developing in relation to this goal. Wins: Already happening:We have been hanging out with another family regularly and starting a childcare exchange/playdates. The kids love this.We also go to a class every week with friends and both my daughter …
Hello, I have a situation I’m trying to deal with currently.. trying to let myself just feel the emotion : pissed off ! Without judging myself. There have been many moments with my housemate when I’ve thought the thought ‘that’s pretty disrespectful’ and not said anything… and now I have and her response was. Well …
At the moment it sometimes feels like a choice with some relationships between being able to express needs but losing the friendship or staying silent/ going along with everything but keeping the friendship. Given the things I’ve learnt since being in TFC I presume I’m being rather black and white in my thinking here and …
I’m finding the interaction when someone offers me food I don’t want to eat (specifically here chocolate/sweet things) tricky. These days, I try to avoid highly sweet/processed foods, as I have identified them as a big trigger for my PCOS and IBS symptoms. I’ve noticed that people love to offer these exact foods, frequently! I …
A people pleasing behaviour that’s hard to shift Read More »
I’m someone who has a lot of friends with varying levels of closeness. Sometimes, people want to be my friend, and I am not interested. However, I was raised to be friendly with everyone, to never exclude anyone, and to always reply to people’s messages. Now, I think I am being fake a lot of …
Hi coaches, Ever since I was a child, I’ve also wanted to be part of a friendship group but never really succeeded. I used to look at other friends that I’ve met along the way who had managed to keep a really close school gang, uni gang, work gang etc. etc. but this has never …
Hi coaches, I have recently been unwell and also had a period of extreme anxiety. It forced me to strip right back from my usual social group and activities. It made me realise that trying to be involved in all the different groups I’m part of and keep up with all the social events and …
Thank you for your answer. In the long term, I want to change my circumstance. The project ends anyway so there will be changes. However, I want to / have to / will work together with them for a few more months. And I would love to pick up your suggestion and make it more …
Thanks for your coaching. Today I had the same experience again. I got it a bit clearer now. My T-line is: people are bored with me. My F-line is lonely I guess. Or vulnerable. A mix between those and feeling excluded. Don’t know if there is a word for that. Then there is a second …
Thanks for your feedback. Yes, my R-line is probably that I reinforce my thoughts. I thought about what having my own back around meeting friends would be and came up with this list: – Going away when feeling I need to be alone and rest – Being honest about my preferences – Not promising anything …
I am quite active in setting up new things at work for the community, and I’d applied to set up a new initiative. This was around a topic which some people in the workplace find controversial, but it’s not really at all. I guess some people have sensitivities about it. The initiative was rejected by …
So my goal is to raise my self worth and my rocks are to love myself and my life as it is, celebrate my wins and do thought work. It was going really well at home I feel like it was starting to create the shift that I’d hoped for and I had even started …
Hi, Sometimes I feel like I’m in whats app debt – with so many messages from friends that I haven’t replied to… I know it’s a nice thing to have lots of wonderful people in my life, but it it can feel like I’m on this constant treadmill of being ‘behind’ and like I’m being …
Dear lovely coaches, I’m driving myself crazy with my inability to understand what I think about a relatively new friend of mine. I noticed that before and during my period, when feeling the weakest, I see this person as requesting too much of my energy, difficult, triggering. I refused to text her or call her …
Thanks for your coaching. I already made some changes in my behaviour towards this app. I look only in the morning at it. It gives me rest. My thought around it is: ‘I only look in the morning.’/’The rest of the day I can let it go.’ You ask about what makes me think messages …
Hi coach! 🙂 I struggle for a long time with keeping up with friends. I have around 15 good friends, which is too much to keep up with. I feel like I fail all the time at keeping up with them and it exhaust me if I think about my friendships. I have thoughts like: …
Thank you for your answer. First of all, I’ve admitted to myself how difficult I find the situation at work at the moment. I’m going to allow myself more time to process these emotions and regulate my nervous system. I’ve also thought about what I really like about my current work situation and what I …
There is an external colleague who is linked to a big project I am working on. Their role is as an advisor and they are from an organisation which has a lot of knowledge and expertise. There is a historic relationship between them and my boss which has always been challenging and my boss has …
Hi! It’s my 30th birthday next spring, and I’ve been thinking about how to celebrate it. I found a venue which I love and means a lot to me. But they charge a hiring fee, plus have quite a high minimum spend. I am happy to pay the hiring fee, and I think the min …
Hi, Next week, I’m seeing a friend of mine one on one. This will be the first time I’ve met up with them like this in about a year and half. Since then, we’ve seen each other a fair amount in group situations. But I went travelling for 6 months last year, and since coming …
Hi, (This might seem like a random one, but I think I’m making it mean more than it is – so would appreciate any guidance!) A few months ago, a friend of a friend got in touch to ask if I’d be up for dog sitting their dog once a week, as they had a …
Hello. I am a freelance illustrator (20 years in). Recently I have been working for a brilliant agency who have given me fairly consistent work. They are under substantial financial pressure due to a tax bill and being a B corp. this aside. The main illustrator now lives abroad and this meant that a lot …
Exploring answering these worst case questions has definitely made them less scary and reassured me that even if the worst happens, very quickly I had an answer for each of them. Knowing that was without much time and without reaching out to close friends/family for support/discussion, also reinforced that even if I were to get …
Hi coaches, I’d love a bit of help with my Autumn goal. Goal: build community around my family after moving neighbourhoods. What is community to me? Seeing people regularly, having them over to our house, celebrating and creating traditions. I think I am searching for a feeling of warmth/love/ease Rock 1: celebrate birthdays/special occasions with …
Hello I’d like some help with thoughts around a recurring situation that keeps happening – my 2 friends who I consider to be my 2 closest friends in the world, go on holiday together with another good friend, and I’m not invited. It’s something that’s been happening for 4 years, and every time it happens …
Hi, I am having a lot of trouble with a person I am working with. She has proven to be someone who lies often many times, and I cannot trust most of what she says. I have tried to change my thought to something like: “she needs to lie to feel safe,” which does help …
In answer to the questions in your Part 1 answer: a) Why is it a problem that you don’t have a social life in your present location? I would like to have more friends here; isolation doesn’t serve me; I have become more isolated in recent years; I want to stay here long term make …
Modely Mastery Practice: Birthday And Social Life Part 2 Read More »
I’m aware of how I can take responsibility for others in quite a few situations. With my increased awareness I am getting frustrated at how much it can impact me. My C line is ‘Friend unhappy they couldn’t join Sunday walk’ My friend was napping as she had a cold and had messaged the friendship …
Hello, I would love some help regarding a work situation. I’ve submitted questions relating to this situation before and I’ve done a lot of self-coaching on this. I came to a new department almost three years ago now. I really like the work itself but I find the atmosphere in the team really, really challenging. …
I am looking for feedback on my first thought download and model after watching the replay of Model Mastery: Self-Coaching Simplified. While my yoga teacher is away, there are five people, including me, with keys who are taking turns to open up the shala in the morning so people can come and do self-practice. It …
Hi coaches, I have this situation that I need some help with. My friend is going for a long time through a bad time, after a sudden breakup. I have done my very best to be there for my friend and help her at any time. We have known each other for many years now. …
Here is my practice model from Maisie’s model mastery call. Looking forward to receiving your thoughts and insights on this. It was my birthday yesterday. I didn’t throw a party or go for a weekend away with my partner. I noticed that I felt a bit sad and lonely looking at our living room that …
Modely mastery practice: birthday and social life Read More »
I would love feedback on the model about making a decision involving house, renovations, and a lot of money. The circumstance is that we’ve got new neighbors and they want to do renovations on the attic which links to our house. The facts are if we do it together it will be much cheaper in …
Hello, this submission is inspired by two submissions from other members that really resonated with me. One was about not putting your life on hold during the semester and teaching responsibilities. And the other one was about not feeling like you have to be productive 100% of the time during your working hours. With regard …
Hello coaches, A while ago I posted something in the community where I didn’t get the amount of responses my mind would loved to get. I know this hasn’t something to do with me probably but my brain doesn’t believe that because I see others getting way more replies and likes. This is a pattern …
Hi there! I want to share something and get coaching on a theme I struggle with as long as I remember. At least from being 4 years old my mum told me, I have this tendency to feel resistence when people ask me if I like to meet. I think when I look at the …
Thanks for your coaching on this! It was really helpful. In the end, I decided not to go. And I have been very happy and confident in my decision. On the weekend that I was supposed to be there, I instead did nourishing things for myself, including spending time with my sister – and I …
Last year my longtime friend told me that she wants to be more heard and seen in conversations (also within our group of friends) and that my happy relationship and pregnancy feel hard to handle for her, because she is single and gets lonely sometimes. In the conversation some other topics came up, e.g.: I …
I had close friends growing up, I love them, I loved staying the night at theirs, I loved cycling, playing tennis, sharing spaces and clothes. I loved the closeness we had. I had a difficult situation at home though, and spent a lot of time pretending to be ok, pretending to be strong. When I …
For a few years, I’ve been thinking about changing my first name. I don’t particularly love it, but the main reason is that most people mispronounce it, even after I’ve told them how to pronounce it and on some occasions, corrected them directly. More than half of my colleagues and a good number of my …
Since I can remember, I have had a strong defensive side of me that comes out whenever I am feeling even slightly threatened. It is impacting my relationship to myself and others, and I am desperate to get out of this defensive cycle. Whenever I feel slightly “threated”, “told what to do”, or given feedback …
I think it’s true that I need to put myself out there more, and I definitely feel a lot of shame when I do find myself liking someone. Unless they take the lead, I do everything in my power to hide it – often this isn’t a conscious thought, but my instinctual response to being …
In January my partner and I moved into a new (bigger) house and since then a close friend has been living with us. This is partially why we bought this house with more space, bc we liked the idea of cohabitation. It has been fun in some ways, but also an adjustment. The initial difficulties …
I am an environmental scientist and a climate activist, because I am very, VERY concerned about the future of humanity (and the present, tbh) in this climate crisis. I have been involved (on and off) in actions of civil disobedience for a few years now, because this type of activism has been shown to work …
Dealing with climate anxiety & other people’s inaction Read More »
Hi coach Thanks for reading and responding. I wrote a lengthy and contradictory reply and confused myself so much. So I will instead start with some clarifications to send your way!!!! You say “tuning those feelings out isn’t going to get you the result you’re seeking”… So my return question is: Why not? And you …
Hello amazing coaches, I am working through a deeply-held limiting belief of never being chosen. I know where it comes from: 14 years of childhood bullying – often by friends who turned on me. I am trying to “choose myself” and I’ve had some coaching on this particular thought before, and I thought it would …
Recently a good friend of mine got married. I wanted to gift the couple something special but could not come up with ideas. In the end I got something that they wished for (they had shared a little wishlist) but I continued to spiral because I thought I should come up with an own idea …
Hi! I had a situation come up the other day, where a friend told me how she steals a lot from stores. It is not just food and essential items, but expensive luxury items and art supplies. She is fully capable of working, but chooses not to most of the time. She has totally justified …
Hello, I go horse riding on the weekends. At the stable where I’m riding, there are of course some people who spend much more time there and know some things better and / or have very clear expectations of how things should be handled (for example, how the water hose should be rolled up, how …
Thank you so much for your answer. It feels light and relieving to think that it’s really not important to fuss about her. (And it’s something I can apply to other circumstances / persons, too!) Even if she talks behind my back with her friends (which she might or might not do), she isn’t really …
I wanted to share some notes I took during watching the Messy Imperfect Action replay — I’d love some coaching on how I could get to the thoughts and feelings that would allow me to move beyond perfectionism in fear of missing out… Feeling: Fear Feel the need to take perfect action Life Thoughts: I …
Hello coaches, I would love some help with something. I don’t own a horse but I’m allowed to ride another person’s horse on the weekends. Another woman also rides the same horse. It’s about my relationship towards that other woman who rides the same horse (and is also not the owner). This person has always …
It’s my birthday in 8 days time, I’m going to be 39. My divorce hearing is in 3 days time, fingers crossed it is the last or at worst second last hearing. My divorce has been going on for a long time, 3 years. Although it is an amicable divorce, I am finding the process …
It’s my birthday …and I’m finding it challenging Read More »
Hi! I recently spent a camping weekend with my partner and two of my partner’s friends. One of them is very important in my partner’s life, she is more than 10 years older and a bit like a mother for him. I met her before but this time was especially challenging as we spent more …
Trying to figure out what coaching I need to help me process this scenario. I had a very heated and rather dramatic falling out with my sisters husband a few days ago. For context, we do not get on easily, in the past we have had very difficult and upsetting conversations usually about something that’s …
Update: I messaged him and he never responded!! I’ve officially been ghosted. I was shocked at first, but it’s been five days and I can honestly say that I am already moving on from that experience as I’m quite clear on the thought “this has everything to do with him and nothing to do with …
Hi coaches. Hope you can help with some of these feelings and thoughts. I recently met with a group of 5 girl friends. Two have a baby on the way and 3 already have toddlers/baby. All are in long term relationships. I am single, with no kids but would love to have a family one …
The actions that would create the result of having a relaxed relationship with whatsapp could be: – not feeling the need to respond – being totally okay with don’t responding at all for weeks or months – only responding when I like to communicate via whatsapp – only responding when I feel safe – delete …
Dear lovely coaches, I’d like help with some ruminating thoughts surrounding one of my best friends. We tend to send each other lots of voice messages as a way of keeping in touch. I had been quiet for a while, because I’d been going through a tough period & my mental health was low. She …
Hello, I am having some trouble navigating my thoughts about friends who have forgotten my birthday. Circumstance: Two close friends forgot my birthday this year. They also forgot my daughter’s birthday, this year and last year. I have some trauma around birthdays, as a child and teenager my parents sometimes forgot my birthday or I …
Two months ago I had new neighbours move in next door they have a dog. I’ve only met the dog a few times. They are currently renovating the house and they are living in the caravan, situated on the driveway by the house. To get to my house you have to walk in between the …
Dear coaches <3 First of all, I am so super thankful for the flow collective, I can’t believe the transformations within myself that have just improved my life so much! And it’s alll so interesting and gets me enthusiastic to learn more, so big thanks for that 🙂 I would like to receive some coaching …
Not taking action because of being afraid to be rejected or being unworthy Read More »
I am very sensitive to other people’s feelings and emotions and always want to do the “right thing” by others and be considerate to how they are feeling, but it can be to my own detriment. Even potential issues of conflict between others make me anxious. For example in my housemate group Whatsapp chat, if …
Hi, I would like some coaching on a pattern that I’ve noticed cropping up lately, of comparing myself and finding myself lacking in comparison to people I see as more social and outgoing. This started after a group holiday with a friend who likes small talk with lots of people and is quite open with …