Hi Coaches I’d love some support in making the decision to stay or leave The Flow Collective. So I joined The Flow Collective in September last year. At this point I was in a toxic romantic relationship, on universal credit, Insecurely housed & struggling massively with extreme PMDD symptoms. As I’m writing this, I am …
Thank you this was so helpful. Here’s what I’ve got: My reasons for not exercising are that I don’t feel motivated to do it and it feels like a waste of time. My reasons for exercising are that it is good for me. I’d like to move my body by pottering around, going out on …
Hi Ask a Coach, These are my models. I am not sure how to match the intentional thought to the result that I want. Please help. Unintentional Model Circumstance: I own and operate a legal practice Feeling: Apathy toward my legal practice and my career Thought: My work is pointless Action: I am showing up …
Today tanked up my car in a rush and (unknowingly) filled it with Benzine instead of Diesel. It broke down, and had to call for help and get it dropped to a garage. My first thought was, I wish there was insurance for stupid. 🙂 But, my second thought was that I should deal with …
Thank you for your help. I would love to bring back my model to you. While making the model there rise up a new question: okay I’m aware of this but how can I change? C: My heart beats louder, my throat feels like it’s pinched, the feeling has the colour green, bit nauseous feeling …
I’ve just finished watching Maisie’s goal setting webinar and it’s brought up quite a few things. Background: I have a background in teaching but decided to go in a different career direction so retrained and became certified in another field last year. I want to establish my own business but have been hitting wall after …
Mindset around launching and making progress in my business Read More »
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Thank you: I had a conversation with my husband and am proud that I waited for a moment that was calm and we were not rushed. I waited three days after talking to the school in Berlin. I was calm and prepared to just listen and not defend my corner. The conversation went well – …
Thanks for the useful pointers! The threat I fear is humiliation. The likelihood of this happening at my work is minimal. If someone is disappointed with me, that is their business, not mine. I know I am great at my job and widely appreciated by my colleagues. Even if I am publicly humiliated, I know …
Hello, I would love some help with my thoughts towards colleagues. I work in academia in two different departments at the same university. I find the colleagues and atmosphere in one department quite challenging and negative. So I’ve been (consciously and unconsciously) gravitating more towards the other department (prioritizing their meetings, going out with some …
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Hi Ask a Coach, Could you provide some feedback on some models I’ve done around being in groups of people? Unintentional C: In a group of people, T: I need to make conversation, F: Paralysed/inhibited, A: Don’t ask people questions, A: Rely on others to drive conversation. A: If partner is present stick to him …
Hi, Thanks for the coaching. It felt very helpful to see how I have been telling myself passive communication is ‘easy’ and assertive communication is the harder route. After spending some time writing on this, I’ve come up with Is people pleasing easy? – It can feel easier in the moment as I can feel …
Hello! I wondered if you might be able to help me with my main goal that I have this year, which is to change my relationship with success / my career. As I have realised recently that I’ve had quite unhealthy relationships with success, which have been quite extreme, either /or, at different ends of …
I’m noticing a recurrent situation where I have a fast nervous system response and I would like to be able to respond differently. It typically happens at work when I am challenged in a group setting by a question or statement relating to work I have done, usually by the same guy – my boss …
I’ve noticed a lot of anxiety coming up around possibly letting a friend down. It’s been a habit thought of mine that I ‘don’t know how to do friendships’ and I’d like to overcome it, as I know I can’t control my friends’ feelings, but at the same time I want to be a better …
I am a farm vet and face challenging situations commonly. I have a habit of beating myself up when things don’t go to plan. This example is a classic – I was asked to look at a calving at the end of a farm visit for something else. The farmer voiced that she wasn’t worth …
Perfectionist tendancies at work – help with models. Read More »
C: I’ve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
You’re right, you don’t need your mum to approve of your choices. You need to approve of your choices. In what ways do you believe the things your family says about how you live, who you love and how you parent? I don’t believe these things they say/tell me, I am 100% sure of where …
I found the coaching really helpful, thank you. During my thought download on ‘Why do you want to be more assertive’ I discovered a few reasons that resonate and feel good. 1. I want to feel more free of the frustrations I feel at having to soften everything/ people please/ spend ages constructing messages/ pretending …
okay. I know that this doesn’t have to be a complicated, drawn out shift for me. I feel confident with coaching and self-coaching that I can learn and grow and get to a healthier place with feelings, managing emotions, and making space for me. this is encouraging. I am definitely uncomfortable with my own feelings …
thinking that feelings don’t really matter pt. 2 Read More »
Hi, I would love coaching on the following situation: My husband and I moved to the United States 2 years ago, he is a postdoc and I tried to continue my medical training here which didn´t work out due to several reasons (got coaching on this before). We are now looking into our next options …
After listening to Maisie speak about thought downloads and advising via FB about just getting coached, this is what I have written down. I’m not entirely sure what I need/want coaching on or what question I am asking. I can’t get this into a model at the moment as it seems to have so many …
Dear Ask A Coach, Lately I’ve been doing daily thought downloads/models, and I’ve noticed a couple of recurring core beliefs that I’m having some trouble shifting. The first is: “If I am perfect, I am safe.” Logically, intellectually I know that perfection doesn’t exist/is impossible/is in the eye of the beholder. I know that. But …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
Hey Coaches! So my mom turned 64 last year and in January she retired. I kind of still consider her quite young and she is very active and is open to some new experiences etc. At the same time it feels like this is one of the last stages of her life and her retiring …
Thank you for your coaching, it’s felt good to explore these questions. What’s hard to accept about myself in dorsal? – A lot of it could be variations of ‘other people thinking I’m not good enough’, and me thinking I’m not good enough. I think my numbness and depression in this state make me unlovable. …
Things That Came Up From Nervous System Mapping #2 Read More »
Thank you so much for your answer. Your suggestion was really helpful and I came up with the following A lines for my second model: I try to ground myself during the dinner; I stand up for myself; if someone says something I find inappropriate, I will address it; I accept when I dissociate at …
Thanks so much for your reply! I’ve written out my answers to your questions and added a new circumstance at the bottom: —What do you think separating out what’s legitimate in your mind and what’s not would do for you? It’s helpful to think that my anger is legitimate because it’s what I’m feeling. I …
Here are my thoughts post listening to this weeks’ evaluate February webinar…. What went well Connection with myself – A mindset shift of letting some perfectionism go, realise that it holds back connection (at work) or when spending time with people. Realise its compounding tiredness. A conversation with my brother helped me see this. – …
I had a small breakthrough the other day after struggling to figure out the thought line in a model. I scribbled all the other lines out on the back of a receipt, but I was stuck for what thought was creating the feelings and actions. then after a little break and a bit more reflection, …
Thank you so much for your answer. I love the idea of allowing myself to be imperfect, too. I added A lines to both intentional models. Intentional model 1 C: I’ve decided to meet my family for dinner next Saturday T: I will take care of myself during the dinner (e.g. by taking toilet breaks, …
I’d love to receive some coaching on the thought that healing or getting better is this long, drawn-out, complex and difficult process. I know Maisie has talked about how that is just something our brains are telling us and that it’s not inherently true. And honestly the idea that maybe healing can be simple, quick …
Thank you for your words! It makes sense, that enough is really subjective and that I can decide what it is. Actually a lot of the things I think I definetely have to do on that day, I can also do later or just not do it. But I really struggle to cross things out …
I often have a lot of unhelpful thoughts on Sundays. I can’t then really enjoy the day off, because I’m already thinking about the new week. I’m a teacher so it’s a lot of planning, that sometimes has to happen on the weekend too. I really try to do everything before, but I still have …
Hello lovely coaches! I’d love some guidance on a model I’m working with around my urge to buy things when I’m feeling stressed, particularly knitting and sewing supplies. I’ve gleaned some good stuff from the previous post “shopping out of control” but I’m still a bit stuck. My UM C: new project supplies shopping T: …
Hello, I had a very lovely day in nature today and, whilst I was feeling so content and happy, I decided to agree to meet my parents, my brother and his girlfriend for dinner next Saturday. However, as soon as my dad texted me the location, I felt my energy shifting. I’ve felt excluded and …
I have formed an attachment to a manager at work. I thought I had before, but finding out they are leaving, confirmed I did. I felt sadness and loss. It’s an older (than me) male. To me, they’re sensitive, stable, reliable, enthusiastic, creative, they seem like a good loving father (spoken about and I’ve heard …
I work in a secondary school where the vast majority of staff are in the 20s and many of which still in their early 20s have taken on middle leadership positions. I have made the conscious decision not to – though I had been offered such a position. I have noticed this group of staff …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
Hi lovely coaches! I am coming at you today with something that has been floating in my brain for the past couple of weeks. A friend and colleague of mine has had an accident a year ago, which was very physically and emotionally traumatic. It resulted in lots of health issue and a serious brain …
Hello! I just watched the Self Love Workshop from 2021, going through part of that workbook. I really resonated with the coaching for Gemma. The unintentional model about not showing up as herself with other people who she considers to be in a different social standing and feeling inadequate is also how I feel and …
hello coaches, I’d appreciate any insight on this – its a longstanding issue that is never going to jeopardise my friendship with this person but I would like to ‘take up more space’ in this friendship. Context – I stayed overnight at the home of a good and longstanding friend Staying with friend and I …
I have not been diagnosed with autism and it is not something I currently intend to pursue. However, having listened to Maisie’s podcast about autism last summer, I feel that I am probably neuro-diverse. Last night I saw an Instagram post about ways that autistic people show love and it was all the things I …
I’ve been mulling over the question “How do you think your story ends after you have learned to trust yourself?” and “what does it look like when you can trust yourself?” and hopefully all the mulling is leading to an answer somewhere. I really don’t know, because it seems so rare that I ever 100% …
Hi coaches, I have just been listening to Maisie’s podcast episode number 99 – ‘Supporting Yourself Through Change’ and got reminded that, when going through change and feeling very activated, it can be helpful to just not engage with a thought. To thank it and let it pass. I am unsure how to do that …
I think I’m struggling with doing what I say I will do because I’m questioning whether what I’ve planned is the best use of my time. For example, I plan to watch TFC content on a Monday morning but then question whether I should be doing some business admin and then end up not being …
I recently had a realisation that whenever I spend time with or have a conversation with anybody – even close friends and my family, I am assuming thr whole time that they don’t like me or think I’m being unlikable. It makes me feel a bit sad that I’ve gone through life feeling like that …
I started completing the relationships worksheet – thinking about who I find it easy to love right now and why. A thought came up, which I’ve noticed a few times this month, which is that I am selfish in relationships (any kind of relationship) and therefore don’t deserve love and affection from others. I automatically …
Thank you for your answer. I love the thought “sometimes humans are judgmental and it’s ok” because it doesn’t make them judgmental humans but humans that are sometimes judgmental. I think this can help me to build different kinds of connections with them and accept them for who they are. Also, if I apply this …
Hey lovely AAC coaches, Woof! Just finished up with nervous system mapping & listening to the first two creating safety calls. Started pursuing the goal of learning to work with my nervous system after recognising more & more that I spend a lot of time in freeze/dorsal. ‘I’m not good enough’ is a thought that …
I found myself criticising myself following a meeting at work last week. And spending time worrying about what the other person thought of me. The meeting and the outcome were fine, but I felt afterwards that I had talked too much, and wasn’t clear and articulate enough. And this all feeds into the idea I …
Hi Coaches! I’m a college professor who teaches composition classes. Every semester, I teach the same topics, which feel very basic to me. Often, my thought is that my students should have learned these things in high school. I also think they are terrible writers! I am bored by teaching the same thing every semester. …
A huge thank you for your feedback and question. I took your question (if you could divide your list of things to help you achieve your goal of loving yourself into three categories, what would those categories be?) and your suggestion to bring self-love into it and worked with that and this is what I …
Hello, I’ve recently joined the flow collective and have not yet been in touch with a coach. I wondered if you could help me with some sticky situations I seem to find myself in with my son. He’s a strong willed beautiful boy and I (try to…) consciously/natural/attachment parent him (I’m also a solo parent). …
Hello dear coach, I have been feeling some pressure in my chest and throat when sitting to finally write this here. I have been considering stepping out of TFC. I realize there are two thoughts behind this circumstance: I do not have enough money to pay for it AND I haven’t engaged with TFC in …
This is a continuation from a post I made about my reflections on the working less lesson: that if we all only do what we want to do, that wouldn’t be good for community, for support to occur, as we don’t always want to help or support, but we see that its necessary. I have …
Would support still exist if we all only did exactly what we want to do? Read More »
Shame is telling me: You should never find your partner ugly You should be attracted to your partner 100% of the time It’s wrong to think mean thoughts about your partner You should find your perfect match You should never feel ashamed of your partner You should feel comfortable introducing your partner to anyone in …
I took a January offer to sign up with a boutique gym class place near me. It was a good deal as the place is v. expensive. I’ve really enjoyed the month and was thinking when it ran out I am gonna try another place (which is doing a Feb offer) before returning to the …
I have a very trivial circumstance that I think could be a good playground for exploring some models on some deeper self-critical thoughts I have about a belief that I am messy, chaotic and can sometimes be absent-minded. The circumstance is making pancakes at a friend’s parents’ house, the fire alarm went off multiple times …
I hate to be a woman since im kid especially since my first period. Im angry to be a woman and jealous at men on how easy life seems to be for them. I have the impression i have served them all my life not taking care of my own needs, being victim of emotional …
Rumination and negative self talk destroying relationships Read More »
Dear coaches, I’ve joined TFC recently and have already learned a lot through coaching – both through Ask A Coach and self-coaching models – so today I decided it’s time to try and tackle a pattern that I have been struggling for years and years (I am mid-twenties now, but I remember struggling with this …
It was so helpful to identify that I rarely/ never acknowledge what I am good at in my role as a Pilates teacher. So simple, yet really showed me that I’m giving so much airtime to what I don’t think has gone well and not giving any thought to what I’m doing well. Over the …
Hello coaches! I’m a language teacher to kids and teenagers who come for one hour classes in the evening back to back. Days I work a lot I have little energy, patience and brain power left to deal with the noise and special needs students towards the end of the day and feel overwhelmed, sad …
Hey coaches! A flow-er friend prompted me to send this for coaching after I shared with her! roughly, I’m training for a powerlifting competition in May, so I want to set myself up for success by putting in the work AND I don’t want to make myself miserable in the pursuit of my goal. It …
As I have to move out of my house I have been going to look at a number of different places to move to. I (we) got rejected from all of them, my occurring thoughts are all along the lines of why would they choose us? We are students. We are internationals. If I was …
There’s someone I’m seeing for sex. We have been on and off for a year, I ended it last time for the behaviour I’m about to describe. I don’t want anything more than a casual relationship with him because he is emotionally unavailable, which isn’t what I want from a partner. I know this thought …
Hello, I have been negotiating my salary with my soon to be former boss over the past years. He always told me I was very (too) well paid and that it would be hard for him to get me more. I thought this was negotiation talk, there was according to me no big evidence and …
Thanks for your coaching. I’ve been observing the self-love topic over the last weeks, and yesterday, I think I found the main thought in the lower part of my brain: I’m not lovable. It took a while to really get there. But with this thought in mind, everything becomes clear to me: WHY my life …
Hi there, I find myself in this situation and I did some thought work and I manage to regulate how I feel about it but I need some coaching on some parts. I have many projects running simultaneously at work, and everything that comes to me is either very important or has a ticking deadline. …
In my current job I chair a weekly meeting and occasionally give presentations, both usually on zoom but sometimes in person. My thoughts around this are things like ‘this is not my natural strength’, ‘other people I work with are much better at this’ and ‘I’m 41, I should be better at this by now’. …
Thank you very much for your words, they were very helpful. I thought about this for a long time. To expect compassion in such a situation would have been too much for me. I clearly had a strong nervous reaction. One of my goals this year is to make my nervous system a top priority. …
Customer or Friend? Or: Turning from Defensiveness to Compassion (Pt. 2) Read More »
I binge eat. depending on the severity I am in so much pain/feeling too nauseous/tired to do anything. I am currently in contact with specialist help, but I would also like to use thought work to help me address specific triggers as I think sometimes it can be a tool to become incapacitated to avoid …
I’m coming back to ask a coach from having reread my previous question on Losing Weight. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. The intentional model I came up with (starting with my result line) is: Circumstance: Doing Yoga ANY TIME Thought: I am worthy of movement Feeling: Relief Action: I remember that I love …
Thank you for your answer. I’ve just had a big realization: when the others said 1) “when we’re riding the horse, we don’t notice when something is wrong” or 2) “I’m sure you had good reasons for not taking riding lessons regularly” they could have been benevolent towards me. With regard to 1), the other …
Hi! I watched the nutrition for hormone health video earlier and somewhere the phrase “magical thinking” came up, and it really resonated with me, as something I’ve often used against myself in various ways. I would love some feedback on the model below, suggestions for developing helpful thoughts (really struggling with finding accessible ones), as …
Struggling with unkind/unhelpful magical thinking Read More »
I have a problem with my partners naps and I haven’t managed to change my outlook on it over the last 5 years, I’d say maybe it even has got worse. They can fall asleep anywhere and never wake up when we agreed/their alarm goes off. Then spend the next x amount of time trying …
Thank you for your answer. It really resonated with me! 1) Why do I hold on to this story that I can’t interact with men? I’ve realized that it allows me to stay in my comfort zone. This way I don’t have to face my insecurities, be vulnerable or deal with rejection. Maybe it’s a …
I would like coaching on how to work out what is going on in my head and heart when I communicate with my husband – this might be impossible though ! I listened to Maisie’s webinar about relationships. I am stuck a bit on the idea that a lot of what we believe about other …
I struggle with my health and wellbeing for almost two years. Guessing that it might be burnout plus maybe ‘tiptoeing into perimenopause’ (43 yo). But as I did not get any diagnosis, I just tried to rest and started doubting my experiences (though it is getting worse). Now there is some ‘objective’ data that there …
I have been feeling anxious about my financial situation for a while and so have finally taken the plunge and made these thought models… Unintentional model C – I have X amount of debt, I also have X amount of savings T – My dad will be so disappointed in me for not having managed …
I am working on some models around my job and the relationship to my boss. Unintentional Model C: I work for my boss T: She wants to keep me small F: Hurt A: I withdraw so that she can’t hurt me, I stay small so that she wont really see me, I am very focused …
I have two different models that I would like to have some feedback on. Both of them are kind of related. MODEL 1 Circumstance: My dad told me dad “I’m reaching a certain age” and that I will need to settle down. Thought: This makes me worry about the near future and the social pressure …
Hi again! Thank you so much for your response. It was very helpful and put a different perspective on what I am trying to do. Here is what I have come up with: Goal: To learn to love myself (the real me) #1 – Physical Health – Train to run one mile without stopping by …
Hiya Thanks for your wise words. It’s given me good food for thought and has spun out some good thought work using the model this morning. Much appreciated X Answer: Wonderful! Remember to own any insights you find and results you create as you explore this. You are the best expert on you. …
Staring At The Future Like A Rabbit In Headlights 2 Read More »
I would appreciate feedback on models to help me move away from feeling a need to explain myself which leaves me feeling frustrated, misunderstood and exposed. C No one else understands me perfectly. UM T I need to explain myself. F Frustrated A Try to explain, tire myself out, share more than I want to …
Hi coaches! A few months ago, I submitted for coaching on fear of being duped about my diet. The coaching here really supported me in putting on blinders (so to speak) and not flirting with other diets. Example: YouTube fed me a video suggestion a few days ago that was titled “you’ve been duped by …
Fear Of Being Duped By Alternative Health Information part 2! Read More »
Thank you so much for your input on my first question. Having now watched Module 4 of Harness your hormones, I’ve done the following model for the situation with my colleague: Circumstance: I said ‘I mean… Jesus’ on a work WhatsApp group at at Catholic school. My colleague said ‘please keep this chat civil.’ Thought: …
Hi dear coach! I decided it’s time for me to get this out here! I’ve been a while from home, for 3/4 months. I’ve noticed me having some thoughts about the contact I am (not) having with mom online/via the telephone. I noticed a desire to structure our calls f.e. once a week so we …
Hi, I’m coming back nearly a month later. I have been wobbling around confidence and anxiety around my work, and I am coming back to an anxiety moment again. I’ve noted that it’s nearly a month since the last time, as I had a hysterectomy last summer. I still have my ovaries, but no idea …
Please can I have some feedback on my models and suggestions for ‘neutralising’ them C: Flexible working request declined. Correct legal process wasn’t followed. T: Fuck! F: Panic. A: Catastrophise, over-think, argue the case in my head, worry about the outcome, don’t get any work done R: Sit in inaction and overwhelm. C: FWR declined. …
Not getting what I asked for at work & fears around that Read More »
While listening to the webinar today on relationships, a hard question comes to me. Recently I expressed (more likely I exploded) to my partner some things I was not happy about. I hold these things in me for too long and seemed okay with things so when the way they came out was perceived by …
First of all, this topic is something that makes me feel really ashamed as it is not what others see of me or how I want to be. We have a room in our house called the “junk room”. It is supposed to be my studio but it’s ended up being a dumping ground. Mostly …
Hi there, I need a little bit of help. I have been aware that I have an addiction to sugar for a long time. I have gone through phases of cutting sugar out following detoxes etc but it has always come back. I’m at a point now where I don’t think the food/drink itself is …
I think my partner needs to be more patient with the dog because I think that by shouting, the hard work I’ve put into dog training is being undone. So perhaps it’s more accurate to say that in the unintentional model the thought is ‘my hard work is being undone’, which is leading to the …
Thank you for your answer! Yes, there were two instances were two different people said something to me. Right at the beginning, when the horse developed his issues the other person riding the horse said to me “when we’re riding the horse, we don’t notice when something is wrong and that’s why he’s developed his …
I am really struggling with being ‘told off’ at the moment. Or that is how my brain is interpreting a lot of interactions right now. For example, this evening I really wanted to spend some time with my husband so I got the kids in bed early (he was at therapy) but I then fell …
I am struggling BIG TIME with anger & my behaviour has become dangerous. I am quite certain I have PMDD. Today I attacked my partner in a public place. I ran at him & scratched his face & he pinned me down on the ground. This is connected with me repeatedly communicating to him what …
I am feeling very stuck about a work situation and need some coaching. I work full time as an accountant but I’ve studied interior design recently and have been looking to get into the industry. I found a local staging company about 6 months ago and I’ve been doing part-time consulting work for them since …
I want to coach my partner because: 1. I can see how exhausted, tired, frustrated, unhappy he is with his thought cycles. It is painful for me to see him hurting and not be able to do anything. So I try something, suggest something that helps me. Try to help him see that his thoughts …