Hi dear coach, In my first submission, I was reflecting on my relationship with my childhood best friend. This was my model: C. Meeting with long time childhood friendship T. I don’t feel as close as I use to to this person. F. Sad A. Don’t share what I feel vulnerable about. Don’t look forward …
I posted in the Facebook group and had some great feedback that I wanted to build upon but as I wanted it to be anonymous, I’m writing it here. Unintentional model Thought download: I stayed over at the flat of a guy I like on Saturday night after his birthday drinks. We are in the …
I moved in with my partner in the spring of this year. I have lived with one other partner before. I am noticing a lot of judgement, pressure and should-ing around the division of housework. For me, housework is not a priority and is not often something I would choose to do if I have …
Housework, the patriarchy and intergenerational trauma Read More »
my sister in law is pregnant and I feel really jealous and resentful. at first i allowed myself to just feel everything i was feeling and let it out and cry a lot and complain and give myself some grace. but now more time has lapsed and it no longer feels appropriate for me to …
C. M texts asking for lift to come home from school early. T. How do I say no to her? F. Anxious but I think angry underneath. S. Nausea. A. I write a reply text not saying no but explaining why I want to say no. I ruminate and worry. I feel scared of her …
Boundaries with middle daughter who is about to turn 18. Read More »
Hello coaches! Good to be here again I am going to have a crazy month at work where the load is going to be massive, and I just got a promotion that also means more responsibilities and more close work with my boss. I like her as a person but I am aware we have …
Hi, thanks for your coaching! Super helpful. I also wanted to send an update on this one, which was that I met with this old boss, and it went SO much better than I thought. She was really lovely and helpful, and seemed very in my corner. She said that I’d been ‘brave’ to go …
Contacting old boss + overcoming those fears = PART 4 Read More »
C -Jen asked to befriend me and said she felt she could trust me as a person. she also stated she felt she didn’t have many friends. Then she seemed unable to naturally connect with me but wasn’t clear that she didn’t want to work at developing a friendship anymore and seemed to have changed …
Hi coaches – I’m struggling with my thoughts about my living situation and connected to that are some thoughts about my partner. The circumstance is that I’m renting a place which I invited my partner to share with me and contribute to financially as much as he felt able to. I subsequently asked him to …
Hi coach 🙂 I have noticed myself being overresponsible for the emotions of my husband. My husband is really easy triggered and stressed (just like me). We both have a small window of tolerance. We have both grown enormous since we’ve met 8 years ago and made so much progress. So that is a big …
Thank you for your coaching. Based on that I made a new model. Actually 2 models. 1 for in between and the end model I want to be in. Have you feedback on them? UM: C: People are saying things like: ‘O my god it is already november, I can’t believe this! I am shocked!’ …
Activated/triggered by people saying time goes quickly Part 2 Read More »
I noticed during yesterday’s call that while the work on loving and accepting myself over the past year has paid off in the way that I believe I am lovable and enough just as I am, I still don’t believe other people would see me that way. In a way, my mind turned the clean …
Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot about my current dating goals atm. Something I’ve noticed is that I often go for a similar ‘type’ and have quite a potentially limiting idea of what that looks like for me / and who I swipe for. I wonder if this could be limiting the luck I’m having. …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this Read More »
I realised recently that I have had a strange yearning for a motherly figure in my life for a long time. In the past I looked to teachers, later even female bosses to fill something. It has been quite overwhelming and limiting but it’s only recently I have been able to identify what’s going on. …
Hello, I would like some help with my model. It is in regard to an exchange I had with my partner, which is quite similar to a few other incidences. I am struggling to get clear on what is happening and how I can change my behaviour around it. The circumstance is that my partner …
Finding it difficult to talk to my partner about are different thoughts Read More »
Hello! Jumping right in with some context: I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with my dad since childhood (I’m 30 now). It really came to a head during high school when I lived with him and his then girlfriend, now wife. My dad didn’t tell either of us that the other person would be living in …
Thank you for your answer. I actually have a win to report 🙂 At the beginning of the week, I had a meeting with this colleague and another colleague. Before the meeting, I did some self-coaching and decided on my goals and how I wanted to show up in this meeting. I stayed very calm, …
Hi there lovely coaches, I would like to have coaching on my self-coaching. I get very upset and frustrated about people commenting ‘it is already november, o my god time is passing so quick!!!’ This is a sentence I hear all the f*cking time! And I am tired of it because it activates my nervous …
Triggered/activated by other people saying words about time passing quick Read More »
My husband and I have been going through a tough couple of years, involving work stresses, caring for a small child, fertility issues / miscarriages / IVF, illness and death of one of his parents, and then a complex care situation for the other parent who has dementia. We have both, at various times, struggled …
Around 4 years ago I decided to move from the countryside to London and it was an exciting move. One of my best friends had secured a job in London and I wanted to follow suit so I applied in the same place as them and also got a job. So we were all set …
Hello dear coach, Here’s what’s been on my mind in the past few days and made me feel sad and anxious. I am having doubts about being in the relationship I am in at the moment. The issue more specifically is I’m having a difficult time picturing ourselves together in the future (maybe that’s just …
I have had quite alot of stress regarding my sons adhd temperament. One episode in particular has triggered me into a pit. This was a month ago. I have sat in the despair and been very gentle with myself however I cannot stop crying I am exhasted all the time and I gradually feel like …
Hi coaches, First of all, I want to celebrate that I’m now willing to ‘go there’ when it comes to figuring our how to improve my relationship with my mum, for a long time it’s felt too big to bother trying, but now I’m ready to give it a go. I’ve made a start with …
Hello, I’ve submitted a few questions recently with regard to navigating a difficult situation at work. Thank you for all your feedback. I’ve realized that there is one particular colleague I need coaching on. I’ve worked together with her in a previous job where I was a PhD student and she was a Postdoc. At …
Hi. I’ve been with the Flow collective for 6months now and have been lurking around the edges, partly because I just haven’t made the time to think clearly about what I’d like coaching on or what issues I’d like to explore, partly that life with kids and work doesn’t always allow for jumping live on …
I received the news yesterday that my mom has a tumor in her adrenal gland and metastases that have spread to her hip bone (and it looks likely to be even worse than that, but the proper diagnosis is still outstanding). As I’m moving through massive waves of sadness and feeling scared, which I’m allowing …
I would like to distinguish or determine who‘s pain I am feeling, so that I’ll be able to address this properly and finally move forward. (But since maybe I‘m stuck, I‘ll give you the background) I have 2 sisters (sister A lives abroad has children, sister B lives an hour away, no children), a brother …
Thanks for your feedback. Yes, my R-line is probably that I reinforce my thoughts. I thought about what having my own back around meeting friends would be and came up with this list: – Going away when feeling I need to be alone and rest – Being honest about my preferences – Not promising anything …
Hi, thanks for your insights, that’s really interesting. Here are my answers to the qus: What kind of relationship do you want to have with your parents? One that is close, while still being healthy. Where I can show up as my full, authentic self – without fear of rejection, and feeling loved unconditionally. Where …
Conversations With Family Around My Career – part 2 Read More »
Thanks for your coaching. I already made some changes in my behaviour towards this app. I look only in the morning at it. It gives me rest. My thought around it is: ‘I only look in the morning.’/’The rest of the day I can let it go.’ You ask about what makes me think messages …
Thank you for your answer. First of all, I’ve admitted to myself how difficult I find the situation at work at the moment. I’m going to allow myself more time to process these emotions and regulate my nervous system. I’ve also thought about what I really like about my current work situation and what I …
Hey there! Not that long ago I was coached by Masie on a call about recurring situations regarding my partner and my feelings towards him. It turned out that my main feeling was anger and that I felt like feeling angry was “not ok” or made me a “bad mother” or a “bad person” in …
Hi Coaches, my partner and I both are 35 have been together for 1.5 years. I have started the conversation about moving in very early but I could tell he was always a little reluctant and said he needed more time. Neither of us have lived with a partner before. Last month my Flatmate told …
Hey there AAC – I’m trying to tackle a LIFE LONG challenge of seeking validation through my sexuality. I really want to get to a place where I can freely enjoy joyful promiscuity – I love sex and dating – without making others’ desire for me responsible for my sense of self worth. I’ve got …
Validation through perceived sexual desirability Read More »
I have a situation around Mom Guilt (for once with the signs reversed) that I would like to look at. I am very ashamed of it and I would like to change it. My sister recently had her first child, it came way too early. The first day after discharge from the hospital, when the …
Hello – I have been struggling with a lot of anxiety in my relationship recently. It is my first relationship, and the move from ‘honeymoon phase’ to us both as real and complex and flawed people in a relationship has been hard for me. When I feel insecure (which only really started happening after the …
Hi! My goal this season is very much a career one – this 100% feels like the right priority to me, and I’m really going for it atm, and loving it. (There are many reasons for this, and previous seasons have been more personal goals, so this feels really right for me atm). However, something …
Hi, Next week, I’m seeing a friend of mine one on one. This will be the first time I’ve met up with them like this in about a year and half. Since then, we’ve seen each other a fair amount in group situations. But I went travelling for 6 months last year, and since coming …
Hello!:) I have done a model on the dynamic I am playing out at home. I wanted to ask for feedback on the model, please, and potentially help with some ladder thoughts I could work on. Taking responsibility for the emotions of my mother was our main family focus growing up, so I think I …
Hello, Today I noticed a light bulb needed changing in the kitchen which can be tricky to do, one window ledge was rotten and needs fixing for the winter, the big hedge needs chopping back and I knew I’d have to do all this on my day off work. As I picked up the bath …
Hello, I would love some help regarding a work situation. I’ve submitted questions relating to this situation before and I’ve done a lot of self-coaching on this. I came to a new department almost three years ago now. I really like the work itself but I find the atmosphere in the team really, really challenging. …
Hello! I just watched the latest call on the model and want to share mine to get coaching on it: Unintentional Model: C- My daughter cried and my husband responded T – I hate the way he talks to her F – anxious (is activated a feeling?) S – tightness is chest, bubbly stomach, heart …
Hello! Here is my first model: I struggle with romantic relationships and have been single for the majority of my life. Last week, someone I felt attracted to (about 10 months ago when we worked together) texted me and asked me to have lunch together. He is in a relationship. C: he asked me to …
C: Husband is ill T: I have to do everything F: Overwhelmed S: tight chest, knot in chest, tight brow, brain fuzz, want to explode A: go into action mode, don’t want to stop to be affectionate or friendly, feel cross when people slow me down, snappy with daughter R: Close myself off from family …
Here is my practice model from Maisie’s model mastery call. Looking forward to receiving your thoughts and insights on this. It was my birthday yesterday. I didn’t throw a party or go for a weekend away with my partner. I noticed that I felt a bit sad and lonely looking at our living room that …
Modely mastery practice: birthday and social life Read More »
This is my first unintentional model, and I’d love some feedback. 🙂 C: I receive a text from my soon-to-be ex-husband that says, “You know that you cause me pain every day that we aren’t together. I can’t believe you changed your last name on WhatsApp to your old last name without telling me directly. …
Feedback request on first unintentional model — C: being told I cause someone pain Read More »
The story – my ex husband cheated on me in 2018 and left abruptly. I saw no warning signs (at the time) we were trying for a baby at the time. My world stopped because after 11 years together he just went. Explanation was minimal, he wasn’t open to any conversation, he’d made up his …
Hi, I’ve noticed that I end up dating a lot of men where I end up in a ‘fixer’ dynamic with them. I enjoy helping people, am very open-minded and passionate about mental health, as well as being a good listener. But I’ve found that I can end up in situations where this becomes very …
Hi Coaches, I’ve been seeing someone new, and I notice that a lot of things they say trigger shame in me. I think I am already in a state of anxiety and shame about dating, but I am also feeling really unsettled by the prospect of liking someone and hoping that the feeling is mutual. …
Hello, I would love some help. (I am currently sick at home with Covid and I’m on my period so apologies in advance if this is going to sound very gloomy.) It’s my birthday in two-weeks time. I’m never super excited about birthdays. I’ve had some really nice ones and some disappointing ones in the …
Hi I’ve been trying to coach myself through this but keep coming back to being annoyed. I have a team member on a temporary contract with me, they have been quite clear that the job isn’t really for them, they find it repetitive & boring. I’m fine with that part as I know the job …
Hi, I wonder if you can help with a dating themed one. Recently, I’m excited to say that I feel more emotionally available than I have ever done in my life! I’m 29, have healed from a breakup earlier this year, had lots of fun dating time while being single & exploring my sexuality, alongside …
I’d like to request coaching on my thoughts regarding the decision to have kids with my husband. When we got married it was on the understanding I wanted to have kids, and (after he dragged his feet and I pinned him down on a timeline) we agreed to start trying to conceive in the year …
Dear coaches, I have always had a very rich fantasy. Already as a child I was living in my fantasy worlds and often acted out certain situations and scenarios. I never really spoke to anyone about it because it is connected to a deep feeling of shame and a fear of being told (again) that …
Hi there! I want to share something and get coaching on a theme I struggle with as long as I remember. At least from being 4 years old my mum told me, I have this tendency to feel resistence when people ask me if I like to meet. I think when I look at the …
Thanks for your coaching on this! It was really helpful. In the end, I decided not to go. And I have been very happy and confident in my decision. On the weekend that I was supposed to be there, I instead did nourishing things for myself, including spending time with my sister – and I …
I have identified some long held thoughts that are impacting my self-worth around relationships. The first is that I consider myself a ‘filler’ or ‘placeholder’. I read these terms in some romance stories. They referred to three categories of women that men look for. When they are young they want women to ‘have some fun …
I am currently feeling a huge sense of loss, almost like grief. It is affecting my motivation with my business and in my personal life. I think this is because I have realised I have developed quite strong feelings for a man I can’t have (we are actually both married) and I feel a sense …
Hello dear coaches, Here the UM I’m in currently. C I’ve been enjoying my partner being away for the past few days. T Is this normal/fine? Or is there something deeper? (Also, another thought is: this is great!) F unsettled A ruminate R I engage in feeding doubts about being commited to this relationship To …
I think it’s true that I need to put myself out there more, and I definitely feel a lot of shame when I do find myself liking someone. Unless they take the lead, I do everything in my power to hide it – often this isn’t a conscious thought, but my instinctual response to being …
What jumped out at me about your response was this: You wrote “your thoughts about them judging you is harming you much more than any words they can say” and I AGREE. I think I would feel hurt by their “judging” me if it was about any topic. I have felt hurt in the past …
Feeling Fear About Being Perceived As Single And Unhappy About It – Part 3 Read More »
Thank you 😊 1) What are you stealing from yourself when you get stuck in this shame and blame spiral? Stealing connection with my mum Stealing value concordant decision making away from myself Stealing opportunities through limiting my thoughts and actions Stealing time and energy away from myself Stealing a VC, SS and P relationship …
Your question: Am I truly in danger without a partner? I am not in danger in the sense that I can provide for myself. I actually do a great job of providing a lovely life for myself, so I’m not in danger in the kind of Jane Austen sense of not being able to survive …
Feeling Fear About Being Perceived As Single And Unhappy About It – Part 2 Read More »
Hi! I had a situation come up the other day, where a friend told me how she steals a lot from stores. It is not just food and essential items, but expensive luxury items and art supplies. She is fully capable of working, but chooses not to most of the time. She has totally justified …
Thank you so much for your answer. It feels light and relieving to think that it’s really not important to fuss about her. (And it’s something I can apply to other circumstances / persons, too!) Even if she talks behind my back with her friends (which she might or might not do), she isn’t really …
Hello coaches, I would love some help with something. I don’t own a horse but I’m allowed to ride another person’s horse on the weekends. Another woman also rides the same horse. It’s about my relationship towards that other woman who rides the same horse (and is also not the owner). This person has always …
Hi! I recently spent a camping weekend with my partner and two of my partner’s friends. One of them is very important in my partner’s life, she is more than 10 years older and a bit like a mother for him. I met her before but this time was especially challenging as we spent more …
Trying to figure out what coaching I need to help me process this scenario. I had a very heated and rather dramatic falling out with my sisters husband a few days ago. For context, we do not get on easily, in the past we have had very difficult and upsetting conversations usually about something that’s …
I’d like some coaching on the way I’m thinking and feeling about my relationships while working on goals that focus on other things. I’m happy with my current goals which focus on my career and my health, and with having other areas of my life on maintenance mode, except for when it comes to my …
Approach to relationships when not a main focus of my goals Read More »
Hi Coaches, Thank you for all you do, it’s pretty amazing to be able to write like this and get a response! I am new to the collective, so I am not sure if I will get the structure of this right, but I feel I need to get my thoughts down so I can …
The actions that would create the result of having a relaxed relationship with whatsapp could be: – not feeling the need to respond – being totally okay with don’t responding at all for weeks or months – only responding when I like to communicate via whatsapp – only responding when I feel safe – delete …
Hi there, I am trying to feel emotions around a big and unusual event that happened last night. I came back home to my boyfriend who had been away. He had been to a very spiritual experience in a woodland for a couple of days and told me he had had a very deep and …
Dear lovely coaches, I’d like help with some ruminating thoughts surrounding one of my best friends. We tend to send each other lots of voice messages as a way of keeping in touch. I had been quiet for a while, because I’d been going through a tough period & my mental health was low. She …
I am still reflecting on the questions from part 1. I’m kind of turning in circles though and I always come back to the thought “these things shouldn’t have happened in the first place” (and therefore they can not be forgiven.) I somehow have this deep rooted belief that some things can be forgiven and …
I’m a bit stuck with this model/s and I’d love some coaching on it! I’m a student at the moment, living with my mum while I’m intermitting for health reasons. These can now be considered disabilities, so I’m getting support in place to study and live with them. They affect my ability to study, and …
Hi 😊 thank you again for the wonderful, supportive coaching! “What if that’s a natural part of this process?” This made me reframe the discomfort and cognitive dissonance as “growing pains” which is a strategy I love. Aka, that it’s evidence I am shifting models and that “what I’m doing is working”. “Are you willing …
Hi coaches, thank you for helping to un-muddle this a bit. It does feel very painful and also all consuming at times. We are lucky to be part of a very social, wide group – mostly through the kids / the school and the area. There are so many different events and amalgamations of group …
Hi coaches, I am writing to ask for advice about managing my thoughts about a new relationship. I met a wonderful woman four months ago and we have since been spending every weekend together, having a fantastic time. Everything in my body says YES to her, she is great at handling conflict, considerate, respectful of …
Thank you for your feedback. I’ve realised I’m very uncomfortable with setting a boundary and so haven’t replied here or done anything re my mum. Some other stuff has taken over quite suddenly and just sort of shut down on all of this and pretty much everything else (I haven’t been replying to either private …
Hi Coaches, I’ve realised i have a pattern of always looking for a fix – I will be okay if i’m somewhere else, if i’m thinner, if i have a partner, if i am a “success” at work… I know this is quite common, trying to change the circumstance, and I realise it doesn’t work …
Hi, I wrote down this model and trying to figure out how to best deal with this situation. The circumstance is: we are at an event/party/friend’s house and my boyfriend is tipsy or drunk. Some context: my boyfriend is quite introverted, not the life of the party, and keeps to himself. When he is drinking …
I have been considering joining a small WhatsApp study group, a first for me since I have always done all my uni work alone. Looking at it from a pro-con standpoint it makes sense, the worst that can happen is that I feel certain feelings, but I am still hesitating. I somehow have this weird …
how to know that it’s the right time to deal with something Read More »
I would love some advice on my models, please. Context first. My father is very over bearing, I’m convinced her is neuro divergent, he doesn’t have conversations but rather bulldozes with monologues. He loves me a lot, thinks I’m special, but will never call or make contact with me. I dread calling him because it’s …
Hello! In recent years, I have worked through a lot of stuff from my past. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come and how much confidence I’ve gained. I notice that there are some thoughts that regularly come up either when I’m doing an automatic task like brushing my teeth or when I’m dysregulated …
Hello, 🙂 I have started writing this so many times over the months and then I never send it. I’m struggling with my relationship with my partner. We barely fight, he’s very supportive of me. It’s a money/ work thing. I’ve always earned more than him, been a ‘harder worker’ and honestly more motivated. It …
Hi, It’s been a few months since I last had sex which I don’t generally mind but recently I have been so desperate for male attention because it has been so long.. I am strarting to be attracted to a friend who is definitely not someone to get involved with and he has just started …
Recently, I’ve started thinking a lot about my ex again and it’s really bringing me down. It feels like he’s always there in my brain. It’s been keeping me awake at night, or if I wake up in the middle of the night, thoughts of him are instant and then keep me up further. I’m …
Dear coaches, Most of the times after my parents visited my partner and me, afterwards I feel a bit down. I tried to untangle this for several times, but I find it hard to really understand why I feel this way – and if I would like to change some unconscious thoughts. There are several …
Comparing myself and my relationship with my parents Read More »
Hi coaches, I have a 7 year old son who is very emotional. He is either completely joyful, enthusiastic, running and skipping around OR sobbing, raging, arguing. I think over time and without really being aware of what’s happened, I try to stop him feeling sad or any emotion that is uncomfortable not only because …
Hey coaches, I have trouble figuring out if I should trust my mind or my body. My relationship with my partner recently ended, we both had different reasons for the breakup, but both felt there is no way forward together. A few days ago he came over to drop some of my stuff that was …
Hi Coaches, I’m working through the Relationships section of the cycle toolkit and I’ve hit a stump in the workbook – Unconditional Love (page 5) – where the questions are around someone you find challenging to love. I chose my boss as he is someone for the past year I’ve struggled to muster up any …
Hi coaches, Thank you for your help – so I think 1 thing to work on would be – to enjoy week days post school with my children without pressure or anxiety Why is that hard? – They are tired and grumpy / emotional – They argue – I’m tired – I’m bored – I’m …
Hi, My brother has struggled with addiction for several years now. He has also struggled to find a job for a long time, and is living with my parents. I live in another country so I dont get the day to day- but it has still effected me a great deal- especially feeling the effect …
Hi there, I would love to honour my yes and no around people, but in my work it is not possible to avoid some people I feel a no around. How to deal with this? Answer: Do you have a specific person or situation that you want coaching on? It’s helpful to choose …
Why do I find myself not able to move past a break-up even after a year even though I know it was the right decision for me? I have so many good things in my life, yet this is still consuming my thoughts. Answer: We would offer that you ask better questions. The …
I found evidence last night that my bf/partner (together 5 years, not living together) has been lying to me about viewing/finding pornography in his Instagram feed. Below is some thought modelling including a final IM which is I think where I want to be. I don’t know how to get myself from the UMs (I …
Hello! Many months later I am revisiting a theme which I started to explore with you last year – affection. I have decided to have a summer goal of ‘ Exploring affection within my relationships’ I would like to be able to be more comfortable and natural with giving and receiving affection and enjoy it. …
Hi, Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 9 years. He has been struggling with depression for the last two years and I think we both lost direction in our lives. Last 9 months have been especially difficult because. I got a job somewhere else and been travelling between places a lot …
I have moved to a new town and new house few months back and was really kin on making friends with locals. Next door neighbour is similar age to me and we have a lot in common and we see each other often for a coffee and chat. Recently I am finding myself agreeing to …
Okay. Here goes. So my partner has ADHD and I helped him self diagnose in the first half-year of our relationship (we are now 2.5 years in). We moved in together 8 months ago. I addressed before we moved in that his socks everywhere was going to really bug me and he has managed to …