For many years i’ve been trying to work through my social anxiety, I am very self conscious and awkward, and am always worried I won’t say the right thing or that I’ll accidentally offend someone and that I don’t have enough to say that I am too quiet. These thoughts mean I’m not present I …
Thank you this was so helpful. Here’s what I’ve got: My reasons for not exercising are that I don’t feel motivated to do it and it feels like a waste of time. My reasons for exercising are that it is good for me. I’d like to move my body by pottering around, going out on …
One of my spring goals is to get a promotion at work. It’s something I’ve spoken to my boss about and he wants it for me, too. Since I started in my job I’ve tripled annual revenue but last year fell 50% short of the goal for the year. The thought is that I don’t …
Hello! So I have been dealing with quit a lot indecision within my job roles. There are many factors affecting what I chose and I have been finding it difficult. I moved away from 9-5 as my partner works Tuesday to Sunday with a day off in the week and we try to both have …
Trigger warning: suicide. Part 2 (I have had great coaching on my first question, now I come back with my answers and new questions): You asked: why it feels so desperate when you think about 50/50? I think my answer to that is: 1. It feels so desperate because that means I will suffer a …
Hi Ask a Coach, These are my models. I am not sure how to match the intentional thought to the result that I want. Please help. Unintentional Model Circumstance: I own and operate a legal practice Feeling: Apathy toward my legal practice and my career Thought: My work is pointless Action: I am showing up …
Hello Coaches, I wanted to ask you about a model I have been experimenting with. I wondered if you could provide me with some feedback or questions I could ask myself in order to think differently about the issue? Where am I or am I not taking appropriate responsibility? Am I being treated poorly or …
Hi coaches! I’ve been thinking a lot about my spring goal and it’s all a muddle for me. I’m creating results in lots of areas I’ve quit one job so I’ve more time and space for me/studying/my business. So I feel things are falling in to place and will even more so when I’ll work …
Hi, My partner and I have been together for 26 years, a life of adventure and kids. Commitment and love are present as well as all the other life experiences that come with being alive. He comes from a very religious and traditional family and getting married was a priority in the beginning. It wasn’t …
Today tanked up my car in a rush and (unknowingly) filled it with Benzine instead of Diesel. It broke down, and had to call for help and get it dropped to a garage. My first thought was, I wish there was insurance for stupid. 🙂 But, my second thought was that I should deal with …
I’ve just ended another day at a high payed pubic health job, where I am really feeling the pressure. I’m putting in extra hours to try and produce something that I think they want from me, but I’m also not sure what they want from me – and I am very intentional about being direct …
Hello. I would like to get help on the following topic: I am a first grade Primary teacher and recently I have been criticized on how I teach. I teach in a private School in Mexico, I myself am half Swiss half Mexican, but I grew up in Switzerland. So I’ve noticed that my “teaching …
Hey coaches, I need some direction here 🙂 For the past month, my physical health has not been optimal, I keep catching viruses/bacteria and ending up sick every other week. I went to see my GP and she came to the conclusion that at the moment my immune system is quite weak which makes me …
Thank you for your help. I would love to bring back my model to you. While making the model there rise up a new question: okay I’m aware of this but how can I change? C: My heart beats louder, my throat feels like it’s pinched, the feeling has the colour green, bit nauseous feeling …
I’ve just finished watching Maisie’s goal setting webinar and it’s brought up quite a few things. Background: I have a background in teaching but decided to go in a different career direction so retrained and became certified in another field last year. I want to establish my own business but have been hitting wall after …
Mindset around launching and making progress in my business Read More »
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
Hello, Thank you in advance for reading my submission. This is a topic that has been spoiling my relationship and I am unsure of how to coach myself on this. I have been with my partner for 4 years now. Within a month or so of me moving in with him, he began to express …
Thanks, that is really useful. Are there any tips to helping me get out of my head and into my body before seeing a client? I guess I could work on the thought that I’m pushing through a new level in my professional and personal life it’s a sign of growth rather than imposter syndrome …
Hi coaches. I’m really struggling to let go of a kind of ‘grass is greener’ or ‘my life is going to start when X happens’ story. I made some big changes in my life about a year ago and I’ve been much happier and healthier since. However now that I have some distance from my …
Dear coaches <3, Somedays I have a restless feeling, like today. And I always try to figure out where this restless feeling is coming from. Mostly this ends up in a negative spiral of thoughts like ‘I feel restless’, ‘Where is this restless feeling coming from’, ‘I can’t feel where it’s coming from’, ‘I’ll never …
Dear Ask a Coach, I have started to practice intuitive eating since the beginning of the year to fully overcome my eating disorder and create a healthier relationship with myself and my body. I am currently in the ‘practicing food neutrality’ and ‘honouring your hunger’ phase, which is quite challenging for me because I am …
Body image / Intuitive eating / deeply-rooted beliefs Read More »
Dear Ask a Coach, I would like to get some coaching on my relationship with stress/feeling stressed. I currently have a period at work that is quite busy, with multiple projects going on at the same time, all of which have similar upcoming deadlines. One project, in particular, is quite time-consuming (and it is my …
Dear coaches, I noticed a thought for the first time today, which I’ve had for over 2 years (I remember thinking it and forget all about it, because of the stress it causes me each time). So I tried to express it as clearly as possible in the following two models: Circumstance: my family T: …
How can you coach yourself through imposter syndrome? I am self employed and wanting to take my business to the next level charging more money for my service, I lack confidence in myself and doubt that I am good enough, knowledgeable enough to do this. How can I prevent this lack of confidence coming across …
Maisie spoke about dreams in her goal setting call today. My dream is about resting and pleasure. I see myself wearing beautiful clothing, going to the opera, waking up in a beautiful hotel room with crisp white cotton sheets, drinking tea in bed and then reading the paper at a table outside a cafe with …
Hello and thank you so much for your answer. I think you were right in pointing out that I’ve been carrying a burden for the past few months. Thinking something like “it’s unfair that I have to deal with this” hasn’t really helped me. Though I stand by my decisions during the past few months …
I received an email yesterday that I was not selected for an interview for a new job that I applied for back in January. I’m allowing myself to feel disappointment, and in my TDL this morning, I could see that I don’t really want a new job, per se. I just want to leave my …
Holding onto a vision of what I thought my life would be like Read More »
Thanks for the useful pointers! The threat I fear is humiliation. The likelihood of this happening at my work is minimal. If someone is disappointed with me, that is their business, not mine. I know I am great at my job and widely appreciated by my colleagues. Even if I am publicly humiliated, I know …
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
I’ve been noticing a big connection more and more with how low I feel and how hard I am on myself when I feel like I’m in a period of low energy and “bad habits”. I go through stages of really low energy (not connected to health – all blood tests etc are normal), don’t …
Dear coaches My word for 2023 is self-love which I’ve been using as monthly goals to prioritise my physical, emotional and mental health. As part of that, I gave up Slimming World which although had previously helped me lose 1 stone, I had slowly put back on and was increasing my feelings of guilt and …
Hi, Thanks for the coaching. It felt very helpful to see how I have been telling myself passive communication is ‘easy’ and assertive communication is the harder route. After spending some time writing on this, I’ve come up with Is people pleasing easy? – It can feel easier in the moment as I can feel …
Hi there, I started working as a photographer end of last year. I am very proud of the progress I have made, my bravery to putting myself out there and asking for money for my services. I enjoy being an artist (and calling myself that) immensely. I recently sent off a couple of galleries to …
Hello! I wondered if you might be able to help me with my main goal that I have this year, which is to change my relationship with success / my career. As I have realised recently that I’ve had quite unhealthy relationships with success, which have been quite extreme, either /or, at different ends of …
I’m noticing a recurrent situation where I have a fast nervous system response and I would like to be able to respond differently. It typically happens at work when I am challenged in a group setting by a question or statement relating to work I have done, usually by the same guy – my boss …
I’ve noticed a lot of anxiety coming up around possibly letting a friend down. It’s been a habit thought of mine that I ‘don’t know how to do friendships’ and I’d like to overcome it, as I know I can’t control my friends’ feelings, but at the same time I want to be a better …
I am a farm vet and face challenging situations commonly. I have a habit of beating myself up when things don’t go to plan. This example is a classic – I was asked to look at a calving at the end of a farm visit for something else. The farmer voiced that she wasn’t worth …
Perfectionist tendancies at work – help with models. Read More »
C: I’ve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
I found the coaching really helpful, thank you. During my thought download on ‘Why do you want to be more assertive’ I discovered a few reasons that resonate and feel good. 1. I want to feel more free of the frustrations I feel at having to soften everything/ people please/ spend ages constructing messages/ pretending …
okay. I know that this doesn’t have to be a complicated, drawn out shift for me. I feel confident with coaching and self-coaching that I can learn and grow and get to a healthier place with feelings, managing emotions, and making space for me. this is encouraging. I am definitely uncomfortable with my own feelings …
thinking that feelings don’t really matter pt. 2 Read More »
Hi, I would love coaching on the following situation: My husband and I moved to the United States 2 years ago, he is a postdoc and I tried to continue my medical training here which didn´t work out due to several reasons (got coaching on this before). We are now looking into our next options …
Hi, I am feeling particularly overwhelmed at the moment and I’m noticing its affecting many areas of my life. I am working on my business and feel like I’m making little progress as I see what others are doing in a similar field and worry I’m not up to it…then that my website isn’t good …
Hello I’d love some coaching on this one. Reecently, while sorting out my folder of flow collective and other personal development stuff I came across some information on assertive, passive and aggressive communication styles given to me by a therapist a while back, and I was surprised that to me the assertive examples seemed like …
After listening to Maisie speak about thought downloads and advising via FB about just getting coached, this is what I have written down. I’m not entirely sure what I need/want coaching on or what question I am asking. I can’t get this into a model at the moment as it seems to have so many …
For a while now I have been wondering if the teaching profession is right for me after all. The profession does require a lot of time outside of working hours and I no longer feel able / comfortable in giving that. My situation has changed now from when I first entered the profession living with …
I am pregnant for the first time, and really struggling with the first trimester pregnancy nausea. I don’t quite throw up every day, more often I just end up running to the bathroom and retching but then not actually vomiting. I talked to my healthcare provider about this, they didn’t seem concerned and told me …
Hi, seven years ago, my husband started on a journey to create our own start-up. I joined him in 2018 full time (-ish, as I had to freelance to make a living). We have launched in the mass-market twice, so on paper, we are successful and others envy us. We have a way to go …
Yes! That’s it. Thank you! Its about what could have been, and thinking that the time I have left to experience feeling loved, safe, and protected by my parents is starting to run out. I have identified many (sometimes conflicting) layers to it: 1. I want closure. I want my parents to come around. To …
A few months ago I was diagnosed with autism. I instigated getting an assessment, and I really wanted the diagnosis as it allowed me to make sense of things. And yet, my mind has not accepted the diagnosis. It says that I have been misdiagnosed. I feel a lot of shame about the possibility of …
Hello Ask A Coach, I recently completed an unintentional model that revealed a much bigger core belief. I felt like I was able to address the thought in the model but got a little stuck with addressing the core belief. UM C: Invited to an event with new friends T: I don’t know what to …
Hi amazing team, thank you so much for taking the time to look at this and help me on this! You’re all truly inspiring. Here’s the question: I notice I value honesty and communication a lot. I don’t have troubles expressing this towards my partner or my mom, or people I have just met. But …
Dear Ask A Coach, Lately I’ve been doing daily thought downloads/models, and I’ve noticed a couple of recurring core beliefs that I’m having some trouble shifting. The first is: “If I am perfect, I am safe.” Logically, intellectually I know that perfection doesn’t exist/is impossible/is in the eye of the beholder. I know that. But …
Thank you for your last answer. It has helped to think that his actions have nothing to do with me and that he is being himself and showing up in the world in a way that is congruent with his perception of reality. IT is slightly harder for me to be deliberate about what I …
I’m recently back to work following maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit stuck with what to do with my job / career in both the short and long term! I’m currently working in marketing in a job that pays ok, offers lots of flexibility in an industry I have experience in, which I can …
Hey Coaches! So my mom turned 64 last year and in January she retired. I kind of still consider her quite young and she is very active and is open to some new experiences etc. At the same time it feels like this is one of the last stages of her life and her retiring …
Thanks so much for the coaching! It is really helpful to see an outside perspective that can dissect my C, F and A lines for me. I have done a thought download on ‘Evening activities’ right after I received the coaching and one just now, about two weeks later. When I compare the two thought …
Thank you for your coaching, it’s felt good to explore these questions. What’s hard to accept about myself in dorsal? – A lot of it could be variations of ‘other people thinking I’m not good enough’, and me thinking I’m not good enough. I think my numbness and depression in this state make me unlovable. …
Things That Came Up From Nervous System Mapping #2 Read More »
Thank you so much for your answer. Your suggestion was really helpful and I came up with the following A lines for my second model: I try to ground myself during the dinner; I stand up for myself; if someone says something I find inappropriate, I will address it; I accept when I dissociate at …
Thanks so much for your reply! I’ve written out my answers to your questions and added a new circumstance at the bottom: —What do you think separating out what’s legitimate in your mind and what’s not would do for you? It’s helpful to think that my anger is legitimate because it’s what I’m feeling. I …
I had a small breakthrough the other day after struggling to figure out the thought line in a model. I scribbled all the other lines out on the back of a receipt, but I was stuck for what thought was creating the feelings and actions. then after a little break and a bit more reflection, …
Thank you for your response. Maisie’s point on the purpose of self-coaching really touched me. Why bother going through all the trouble of self-coaching? Here are my thoughts: I feel an obligation to be the best version of myself because I have chosen to have children. I don’t want to f- them up because I’ve …
I’d love to receive some coaching on the thought that healing or getting better is this long, drawn-out, complex and difficult process. I know Maisie has talked about how that is just something our brains are telling us and that it’s not inherently true. And honestly the idea that maybe healing can be simple, quick …
Thank you for your words! It makes sense, that enough is really subjective and that I can decide what it is. Actually a lot of the things I think I definetely have to do on that day, I can also do later or just not do it. But I really struggle to cross things out …
I’m an Art teacher and working toward qualifying by September as a child counsellor using the arts, it’s been years of part time work and free client hours to get to this point. I’ve been contacted by a headmistress who likes the idea of the counselling using the arts and wants to think about working …
Potential new role asking for money in an underpaid profession Read More »
I’ve been on a journey with my weight since joining the Flow Collective six months ago and I believe I’ve made some progress in unlearning much of the body hatred I’ve carried around (as shown in my two previous Ask a Coach queries). I still am not able to make enough time for yoga as …
I’ve noticed a pattern of frustration and irritation with the different social groups I’ve been in, going back even 10 years ago, I literally get so pissed off with the people who I care about who constantly talk about the things they want to do, or problems they want to solve, and then do Nothing, …
No questions here really, just wanted to follow up and thank you for the helpful response (and the immediate positive results!). The situation came up again and I thought I felt envy toward a friend’s engagement plans. Instead of talking smack about myself for feeling envy, I got curious and asked “what does this signify”? …
Hello, 🙂 I’m struggling a little (sometimes a lot) with imposter syndrome. I think I’ve always had this. I’ve been private chef for many years then opened up a salad bar business. I’ve always had this slight feeling I’m not respected or considered a real ‘chef’. (By who, I don’t know!) I’m not classically trained, …
Hello, I had a very lovely day in nature today and, whilst I was feeling so content and happy, I decided to agree to meet my parents, my brother and his girlfriend for dinner next Saturday. However, as soon as my dad texted me the location, I felt my energy shifting. I’ve felt excluded and …
I have formed an attachment to a manager at work. I thought I had before, but finding out they are leaving, confirmed I did. I felt sadness and loss. It’s an older (than me) male. To me, they’re sensitive, stable, reliable, enthusiastic, creative, they seem like a good loving father (spoken about and I’ve heard …
I work in a secondary school where the vast majority of staff are in the 20s and many of which still in their early 20s have taken on middle leadership positions. I have made the conscious decision not to – though I had been offered such a position. I have noticed this group of staff …
I am in a transition where I am starting two businesses, have just moved back to the United States, am living with my parents, and do not have a stable income or specific direction. When I think about my bigger dream and vision it is very clear. I see myself as an entrepreneur or business …
Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern that I’m trying to make sense of. when I hear about other peoples’ accomplishments or major life milestones, it brings up a lot of thoughts related to envy or resentment. The severity of the envy and whether resentment is included or not has to do with the stories I’ve …
what do you think it means about you if you think that your husband is unkind? – this is hard as I think it means I am an idiot and have no boundaries and am being taken for a ride. I think I am a poor role model for my children and I am weak. …
Thank you for the reply to the first question. I had no idea how black and white my thinking was until it was plainly written and how obvious! It was apparent I was leaving no space in the friendship for change (for better or worse) which limited me to two choices. Steps have been taken …
Hi lovely coaches! I am coming at you today with something that has been floating in my brain for the past couple of weeks. A friend and colleague of mine has had an accident a year ago, which was very physically and emotionally traumatic. It resulted in lots of health issue and a serious brain …
I have an ongoing problem that’s been there for a really long time in my relationship with my partner. The essence of it is that he struggles with verbal communication, and I struggle with intimate pleasure. I need to feel very safe to engage in intimacy and I get easily activated, so sometimes I don’t …
Problems with my partner that come up over and over Read More »
Hello! I just watched the Self Love Workshop from 2021, going through part of that workbook. I really resonated with the coaching for Gemma. The unintentional model about not showing up as herself with other people who she considers to be in a different social standing and feeling inadequate is also how I feel and …
Hi, Me and my partner has just moved house, and he has also just started in a new job. We are so happy with the new place, and on paper everything is great! However I have noticed in the last days since we moved I feel worried, upset, sad, anxious, unable to be productive and …
I have a question I wanted to bring to the coaching call with Maggie Reyes today but I wasn’t able to attend, so I thought I’d bring it here instead… For relationships month I set the intention of building more honesty in my relationship with my husband (honesty with myself about my thoughts about him, …
I’d like to share stuff on social media, I think instagram and fb are great ways to stay in touch with people but I find it very hard for me to post anything or be active online. I stopped using social media after an incident with an abusive partner, I felt unsafe and needing to …
Hi coaches, I’m at a junction in my life and unsure about my next steps or what my real motivations are. I stopped working when I had children and now that my youngest has just started school, I’m wondering what my next move should be. My husband works very long hours and it’s important for …
Hi coaches, I joined the collective in December and have been feeling so much more grounded having completed the Harness your Hormones, Nutrition and creating safety toolkits plus and used the ‘ask a coach’ tool to take a look deeper look at certain aspects of my past. I have felt stronger, more content and a …
I have not been diagnosed with autism and it is not something I currently intend to pursue. However, having listened to Maisie’s podcast about autism last summer, I feel that I am probably neuro-diverse. Last night I saw an Instagram post about ways that autistic people show love and it was all the things I …
I’ve been mulling over the question “How do you think your story ends after you have learned to trust yourself?” and “what does it look like when you can trust yourself?” and hopefully all the mulling is leading to an answer somewhere. I really don’t know, because it seems so rare that I ever 100% …
I think I’m struggling with doing what I say I will do because I’m questioning whether what I’ve planned is the best use of my time. For example, I plan to watch TFC content on a Monday morning but then question whether I should be doing some business admin and then end up not being …
It has come tocmy attention that my 9yo son isn’t ok with physical contact with me. I realised that we barely hug last year, but im sad to say that.i definitely didn’t do enough to rectify it. He was ill this weekend and it firstly took me ages to go over to him to sit …
I have been uncomfortable with my target audience for my business for a while now. So much so that I actually changed my whole business model to avoid them, only to have now come full circle in understanding that I cannot avoid them. It’s such a strange thing, and I’m also very scared to do …
I recently had a realisation that whenever I spend time with or have a conversation with anybody – even close friends and my family, I am assuming thr whole time that they don’t like me or think I’m being unlikable. It makes me feel a bit sad that I’ve gone through life feeling like that …
Thank you for your answer. It’s been a while since I read your reply and I couldn’t think of a challenge, I also had other things going on so I parked this topic for a bit. However, during the last few days, I went to two parties / concerts with different groups of people, some …
I started completing the relationships worksheet – thinking about who I find it easy to love right now and why. A thought came up, which I’ve noticed a few times this month, which is that I am selfish in relationships (any kind of relationship) and therefore don’t deserve love and affection from others. I automatically …
Thank you for your answer. I love the thought “sometimes humans are judgmental and it’s ok” because it doesn’t make them judgmental humans but humans that are sometimes judgmental. I think this can help me to build different kinds of connections with them and accept them for who they are. Also, if I apply this …
I have tried to be explicit setting a boundary with my sister asking her not to ask me to lend her money. She asked me can she put money on my credit card for the space of 6 days. I think this is the part the makes it feel harder to say no, because it’s …
Hey lovely AAC coaches, Woof! Just finished up with nervous system mapping & listening to the first two creating safety calls. Started pursuing the goal of learning to work with my nervous system after recognising more & more that I spend a lot of time in freeze/dorsal. ‘I’m not good enough’ is a thought that …
I found myself criticising myself following a meeting at work last week. And spending time worrying about what the other person thought of me. The meeting and the outcome were fine, but I felt afterwards that I had talked too much, and wasn’t clear and articulate enough. And this all feeds into the idea I …
I am struggling with motivation and will power when choosing what snacks to eat. One of my rocks to work towards a larger goal of HEALTH for myself is to change my relationship with sugar. I am addicted to sugar. I am successfully changing the main meals that I eat and have had a successful …
A design freelance job has come up with an old boss. Since leaving that job, over a year ago, I’ve been transitioning to a holistic career. Big transition, very uncomfortable at times, but I love it. I want to do the freelance job, it’s well paid, the money would give me a cushion. Also creatively …
Hello team, I recently lost my dad very unexpectedly and it’s been rough. At the same time, I’m at the end of a trial period of my new job. This job currently seems rather unimportant to me, but I think that is the grief speaking. It is also very turbulent right now since there a …
Hi I’m new to the flow collective and am now into Module 3 of “Harnessing Your Hormones”. I have yet to dive deeper into any decision-making modules or any other topic. However, I was wondering if I could get some coaching regarding a recurring issue that I’m facing. A year ago, I decided to come …