Hello lovely coaches! I am going to negotiate a raise for the next year and the meeting I expect will take place within the next two weeks. I work as a sales Manager and I have been with my company from the start of my career (over 10 years.) I am actually quite happy with …
Work is currently really stressfull with talk of cuts, closure, cutting hours and potential redundancy. It feels like theres is lot so weight and responsibility on my shoulders in terms of what i could have done to have meant the charity was in a stronger position financial. I’m beating myself a lot and feeling really …
Thank you so much for your answer. In the past, when I’ve had the thought “it’s unfair” it made be depressed. I often thought “what’s the point anyway because my brother will always get more praise / attention (from my parents) no matter what I do”. So I think I want to avoid the thought …
Thoughts About My Brother’s Career And Life Pt III Read More »
Dear coaches. In my first submission, this was what C: Decisions T: I will ruin my life if I don’t find the right path to follow F: Numb S: Is there a sensation in your body in these times? A: Tell myself, “I’m not good at adulting, I don’t know what is right for me,” make …
I noticed I was censoring myself whilst making a new friend and colleague, feeling the opportunity to share something about myself and then choosing not to for fear of being exposing myself as bad in some way. I do this a lot I notice, with everyone. And through the self love journal prompts I realised …
I am returning home to Ireland from New Zealand after 6 years (yay!) to spend 6 weeks with my friends and family over Christmas. Something I have on my mind is alcohol consumption while I’m home. Over the past 2/3 years, my drinking habits have changed significantly. In Ireland, as is the culture unfortunately, I …
I’ve become aware that I want more attention from my partner and I think she spends too much time on her phone. (She works on her phone, scrolls on social media, plays games) I also think that it’s easy for me to criticize her for this because it is something I actively work on: reducing …
Thank you for part 1! What I meant by the “real” thought was that in my IM I was projecting what I imagined to be a more helpful thought that would create the feelings and actions that would lead to the more desirable circumstance. However, I know that right now what I actually think is …
Please can you help me with a model I am working on. I would like to created an intentional model where the result is me practising self-love at work. The unintentional model I have so far is: C – Communicating information/providing an update in a team meeting and I got lots of questions and comments …
Hi dear coach, In my first submission, I was reflecting on my relationship with my childhood best friend. This was my model: C. Meeting with long time childhood friendship T. I don’t feel as close as I use to to this person. F. Sad A. Don’t share what I feel vulnerable about. Don’t look forward …
Hi coaches, I’ve been going through a challenging period for the past three months, I’m currently on a two-week leave from work. I’m returning on Friday which I’m feeling mixed emotions so I reached out to my manager regarding retuning to work. She was very supportive letting me know that she will be taking me …
I posted in the Facebook group and had some great feedback that I wanted to build upon but as I wanted it to be anonymous, I’m writing it here. Unintentional model Thought download: I stayed over at the flat of a guy I like on Saturday night after his birthday drinks. We are in the …
Hello, Thank you so much for your response to my About Time Coaching question and for the thought work feedback. I have now done a thought download and have written down the things that go through my head when I am feeling overwhelmed. I just went for it just to see what would come out: …
In my opinion human can’t be good and bad at the same time because some degree of ‘badness’ makses the good unrelevant and not worth it. At least, that is my opinion. In my work I see on daily base the results of people who did terrible stuff and their good sides doesn’t make any …
I have two young children and work full-time. I am trying to make sense of thoughts/feelings about organising playdates and supporting my children to build strong friendships. Over the past three years, I have had periods of burnout due to full-time work and looking after my children as there was no wrap around care. I …
Dear coaches, At the moment I am 8 weeks pregnant with my second child. I am happy with the pregnancy and was longing for it for a long time, but the last three weeks I am really struggling. I am tired, I have nauseas and the most difficult thing is that I don’t enjoy anything. …
How to take care of myself in first weeks of pregnancy? Read More »
I made an model out of your suggestion. There have been other situations in my life happening with the same underlying models. UM: C: Nervous system leaves ventral vagal when getting no responses in group chat. T: They don’t like me F: Rejected S: Uncomfortable feeling in stomach A: Thinking of all the ways in …
I moved in with my partner in the spring of this year. I have lived with one other partner before. I am noticing a lot of judgement, pressure and should-ing around the division of housework. For me, housework is not a priority and is not often something I would choose to do if I have …
Housework, the patriarchy and intergenerational trauma Read More »
Hi, I have a volunteer role at a charity, which I took on earlier in summer. In theory it’s something I’m really passionate about – and I wanted to do it. But in practice i’m finding that I just don’t have the time to give it what i think it needs. I haven’t done much …
Hi, I’m currently navigating going freelance, alongside my existing job. Have done a couple of different ask a coaches on this. But I’m now at the point where I have a 4 week window of time before xmas to gather as much as info as possible (work is quiet atm and its the perfect time …
Changing thoughts around time for the last month of the year Read More »
Hi, My work told us that they’ll be announcing redundancies next week. This was pretty shocking, but also what shocked me more was that part of me wants it to be me. I have wanted to leave for a while, and am currently setting myself up to go freelance – and there is part of …
Hi, I attended the fix what’s broken workshop last week, and it bought up some interesting things for me. One theme was that I realised my trust in love is somewhat broken. I had an on off relationship which ended in march, after three years. When we were together for the first year and half, …
Hi, Thanks for your coaching on the career side of things below – I found that super helpful! I wanted to come back to family conversations side of things, too, as I had a recent convo with my mum about my career. She made a comment about how I never talk about it with her. …
Conversations With Family Around My Career – part 3 Read More »
Dear AAC, I’ve just finished watching the self love webinar and wanted to share something that has been showing up for me this week . I was in a meeting at work earlier this week and asked a colleague a question which appeared to be misinterpreted. I backed down from the point I was making …
Thank you for the first response! This is the model I came up with: UM C: Thinking about asking boss to use my first name along with the formal “you” T: I might have to explain myself F: Scared S: Tight in my chest A: Spiralling thought about his response, NOT asking him R: Feeling small & inappropriate, …
My goal is to raise my self worth and I think it’s going quite well I noticed I was coaching myself in a dream the other night and thought wow it’s really getting into my subconscious. One of my rocks is to love myself and my life as it is but I’m just struggling with …
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so grateful for this space, thank you (and for myself in choosing to reach out!). I find it hard to celebrate the living with pain, not because it’s not an achievement worth celebrating (because it is) but because I don’t have a choice. I’m just surviving and not …
I am writing this from my bed when not being at work. I also posted this one in the community and got some great response from Maisie. I would love to take this one deeper and explore it further here in AAC. Last week I called myself in sick at work for three days. Due …
I’m currently going through IVF to try and have a second child, and am at the start of the dreaded two week wait. This is my fourth attempt, and I’ve had a number of early stage miscarriages. I’m older, and aware my chances of success are very slim. The issue I keep struggling with, every …
C. M texts asking for lift to come home from school early. T. How do I say no to her? F. Anxious but I think angry underneath. S. Nausea. A. I write a reply text not saying no but explaining why I want to say no. I ruminate and worry. I feel scared of her …
Boundaries with middle daughter who is about to turn 18. Read More »
Hello! I’ve been leaning into decisions from the perspective of ‘what is the most loving thing to do right now’, as well as journalling of an evening of where I could have loved myself more, and simple things I could have done differently. One sticky place when I’m feeling these questions hard to nail is …
What’s the most loving thing? Conflicting care imperatives Read More »
Hello coaches! Good to be here again I am going to have a crazy month at work where the load is going to be massive, and I just got a promotion that also means more responsibilities and more close work with my boss. I like her as a person but I am aware we have …
I have recently started a new business teaching yoga on the side of my full-time job. I am finding it incredibly challenging to attract new students. So far my students have been friends and family, which I am VERY grateful for. But I have started charging for (previously free) classes and interest seems to pretty …
Hi coaches I’m struggling with my relationship with alcohol. I seem to use it to calm my nervous system and regulate myself, but I have wanted to reduce my intake for a while – and it doesn’t seem to be going well. My levels are not what would be considered problematic as I only have …
I am beginning to express when I’m not happy about something in my relationships, at work and also in my romantic relationship. This is a fairly new thing for me, I am trying to be more aware of when I am feeling hurt, upset or angry about things that people have said or done rather …
Hey there! Lately I’ve been having recurring problems with my mom. And I can’t seem to figure out how to apply the coaching model in these situations. Pls help. It’s situations like this: We currently live in the same flat. My mom, my two sons ( 4 and 1) and I. Often my mom will …
Dear AAC. This is my first time writing to ask a coach. I have been “saving up” questions, or thinking they had to be totally clear, perfectly defined, but here I go; a lot of information and messy imperfect action! This autumn I found myself completely numbed out by decision making. I was between two …
Hey, I need help how to communicate my need for my boyfriend to clean up after himself. I need him to show he cares about our space. To be specific for coaching I like to discuss the case where he leaves his dishes out. From self coaching I know that this model can be happening: …
Thank you! I journal each day and have been writing down my wins for each day at the start of each entry to celebrate myself everyday. I notice myself not being compassionate to myself around choices I make around my use of time outside of working hours. I am critical when I spend time scrolling …
I have a lot of headaches. I don’t know why – I think they are muscular/ whiplash/ grinding /hormone/ sleep related but I don’t know. The doctor is concerned about drug-induced headaches, due to the regularity of painkiller I take. I’m also concerned about this. He wants me to try preventive daily medication (I also …
I have been dipping my toes into the feelings I have during dance lessons (Judged, Ashamed and a sprinkle of desperation) Here are two models I have come up with, including the one you suggested in the last response. C: Dance workshop T: These people are not openly welcoming F: Judged. S: Tensed, Out-of-body . …
Part II: Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy Read More »
Last night, I hit rock bottom when a fight with my 5 year old escalated so badly that I literally slammed a door in her face. Fortunately, it only hit her forehead and physically, it was not too bad, but I completely lost my shit afterwards (obviously before, too). My partner managed to comfort her …
Escalating situations with my child and being more compassionate Read More »
I have been dabbling in some of the prompts from the self love journey, and have noticed something. I feel quite self conscious when people come to my house for the first time. Or when I think of inviting people I like a lot over. I’m worried about them reading into how the house is …
LOVE this. Thank you. Realised that if I’m always thinking I can’t have money and value alignment (as well as creativity, another thing we’ve discussed on ask a coach), then that will be more likely to be the result. Because it makes me feel defeatist and like it’s impossible. So I don’t take actions which …
Thanks for your coaching on this! Such a radical thought that knowing I want to give myself the chance to have children if I want to could actually be a supportive factor for me… At first, I found it hard to come up with reasons why this could be supportive, which felt realistic – but …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this – PART 3 Read More »
Hi, thanks for your coaching! Super helpful. I also wanted to send an update on this one, which was that I met with this old boss, and it went SO much better than I thought. She was really lovely and helpful, and seemed very in my corner. She said that I’d been ‘brave’ to go …
Contacting old boss + overcoming those fears = PART 4 Read More »
Dear AAC, I have just started the self-love journey, and I am coming on here to share my first post. I am 2.5 months into my new life in London. I have felt and experienced so many things – It sometimes feels like I am experiencing a thousand lifetimes in a given day. Love, joy, …
In late 2022, I was approached with the opportunity of organising and running a workshop at an event in 2024. Since then I have struggled with work commitments and have a number of outstanding projects to complete as well as grappling with some personal health issues. I have to make a decision about whether to …
C -Jen asked to befriend me and said she felt she could trust me as a person. she also stated she felt she didn’t have many friends. Then she seemed unable to naturally connect with me but wasn’t clear that she didn’t want to work at developing a friendship anymore and seemed to have changed …
Hi coaches – I’m struggling with my thoughts about my living situation and connected to that are some thoughts about my partner. The circumstance is that I’m renting a place which I invited my partner to share with me and contribute to financially as much as he felt able to. I subsequently asked him to …
I’m working on the following model and would really appreciate some feedback and guidance as I feel rather stuck with it. I have so many thoughts around the Circumstance, but they all create the same or very similar Sensations, Actions and Results. I also can’t find a Thought that resonates in the intentional model C …
Hello! First time submitting a question here. Hope I’m doing this right. // Context: Late diagnosed autistic, in my 30s Ok, so every now and then my mum and me get into a really bad fight/misunderstandings and I end up feeling with a very activated nervous system and feel like a bad person and that …
I had a situation earlier today while I was driving where I was going relatively fast approaching a green light when it changed amber. I decided that I was going too fast to safely stop, but as I past the lights I noticed that people were already moving with intention to cross. Seconds later and …
A close call while driving, loving myself through a mistake Read More »
Hello, I’d love some coaching on my propensity to be rush and be late. I have been observing this over the last few weeks especially, as it is something I have recently been trying to address, but I still end up rushing and arrive bang on time or a few minutes late. So there are …
Hi coaches, I was working on the prompts from the self-love workshop and noticed that I am judging myself because I can’t do all of the following things at the same time: – living off-grid (means chopping wood, carrying water, using minimal electricity, so chores take longer) – care for a very active dog (ca …
I feel really sad to see the result line is “I don’t have a friendship” 🙁 Reading it back, I think the way I wrote my first submission was a bit unclear. My friend used to use the fact that we don’t speak often as friends as a way of guilting me into doing more …
I wrote a poem after my grandpa died that my mum read at his funeral. My mum added some of her own commentary to the poem and in a line where I wrote about his stubble, she said he would have been sorry about that because he liked to be smooth shaven. I felt bad …
Dear Coaches, the past two days my partner and I went through kind of a rough patch in our relationship including some unhelpful (and unhealthy) ways of communication. Honoring the self love webinar and what I have learned so far in TFC, I decided to pause for a moment, reflect and look and my thoughts …
Self-Love Insight: Loving myself through conflict Read More »
starting the self love journey. doing my first prompt on: what does it feel like when you choose not to love yourself? it feels like confimration. giving in to the truth. it seems true that i am not worth being loved/deserving love, therefor not doing so is how it is supposed to be. why? because …
I’ve been having thoughts about how getting coached on a flow collective call. Watching other people get coached I can see that being able to have a full conversation must really help to fully unpick an issue and I think that could really help me, but then I talk myself out of even trying. Some …
Thoughts about being coached on a flow collective call Read More »
I identify as non-binary, more specifically as demi-femme or sometimes agender, so my pronouns are she/they. While I do not mind being referred to as “she”, I feel uncomfortable with stronger labels such as “Mrs” or “woman” or “ladies” (in a group). I work in an environment where most people are male and the topic …
Dear coaches, i am currently in a 4 day intensive acrobatic-dance workshop. My movement background is not dance, I am an evolving climber and handbalancer and aspire to become a dancer. In this workshop, the lever of participants is really high, most having many years of dance experience and wanting to pursue a career in …
Imputed judgyness and self-absorbtion of others make ME being judgy… Read More »
Hello. I have been single for about 2 years and in the past, I hadn’t constantly had a partner in my life. However, my close friends group have a good partnerships (as far as I can observe) and at times, it makes me feel like that I am alone. I have an understanding that they …
Feeling very vulnerable sharing openly here but it’s my first weekly commitment to do so. Completing the self love assessment raised lots of questions in my mind. I’d like to share it all to give a full picture. An interesting note in contrast to these questions – I completed the 25 thing I like/love about …
Hello Coaches, I recently watched Maisie’s “About Time” call, and since watching it I have become more aware of how I use my time and have realised that I am in charge of what I do, which feels really positive. I’ve identified that my main priority right now is to return to self employment and …
Hello coaches 🙂 I have been thinking about my career/work life a lot recently. Having done lots of learning/self-reflection/becoming a mum over the last few years, I have started to understand myself better and know that the work I do at the moment doesn’t fulfil me in some ways. It’s hard to show up in …
Ready to take action but not sure which direction Read More »
Today I used the journal prompt: If you could wave a magic wand and instil some new thoughts and beliefs about yourself, what would you go with? Why? At first, I was met with resistance. But then I came up with these 2: 1. I am ready to receive financial success. 2. I am ready …
Hi coaches! So I’ve noticed this thing lately which comes up regarding saying no, asking for things and taking up space. Today I went to the hairdresser cause I wasn’t happy the first time around, so they had to correct it. I felt guilty for going back almost the whole time. I also recently “rejected” …
Hi, had a great thought work concerning unhelpful thoughts about myself this morning, day 27 of my cycle. That was one of the self love exercises from Maisies workbook and as we are supposed to submit one Ask a Coach per week I decided I will go for it already on the first day of …
I noticed during yesterday’s call that while the work on loving and accepting myself over the past year has paid off in the way that I believe I am lovable and enough just as I am, I still don’t believe other people would see me that way. In a way, my mind turned the clean …
Hi dear coaching team, as I am typing this I am still a little unsure what I really want … and this migh be the answer to my question. Nonetheless I want to share the following and am greateful to your suggestions on where or how I might start the self coaching. I just watched …
Self Love and self coaching with negative thoughts around having children Read More »
Hi there, I am struggling with some guilt around announcing my pregnancy at work. Here some context: for the past 2.5 years I have been working very hard to get a project I wanted to work on that also allowed me to grow in my function and my salary. I am happy with this result …
I recently noticed that many, if not most achievements in my life weren’t celebrated properly (or at all). This ranges from academic achievements (all the way up to a freaking PhD) and landing jobs (or even interviews) to personal events like housewarming parties, running a half-marathon (or my first 5k after giving birth), having a …
Hi there! I read through some of the other sended Ask A Coach Answers and read these words: ‘That sounds like an normal 40-year old woman to me’. This was a response to someone sharing their experience. This made me really afraid. This is the model: UM: C: Read those words. T: Being 40-something will …
I think the intensity of my reaction (physical and emotional) has to do with rage/anger towards people who did me wrong in the past. Is their value also set? And how about me making mistakes that did suffering towards other people? (Like ending friendships very abruptly where others told me I hurt them really badly). …
Hi, I’m a new member and I took the recommendation from Maisie on a good day tripper goal as I feel this would be a great first goal and I would really like to have a better relationship with myself and be kinder to myself My Autumn goal is to create a compassionate relationship with …
Hey coaches, i have one of those low hormone late autumn days. My thoughts circle around and I struggle to steer the wheel into other directions. I keep thinking about everything and anything I do today how it is not “enough”. Here is one example model: C: At work | T: I am not getting …
Thanks for your coaching on this! This is radical… haha – to realise that I can choose if I take on another of those opinions. And also the narrative that I can choose to nurture: eg in this case, that this job has been amazing for me on a personal level (eg around my relationship …
Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot about my current dating goals atm. Something I’ve noticed is that I often go for a similar ‘type’ and have quite a potentially limiting idea of what that looks like for me / and who I swipe for. I wonder if this could be limiting the luck I’m having. …
Approaching dating with a rigid idea of my ‘type’ – and how to change this Read More »
Hey, I have been working on a book for the past 3 years and it is finally going to be published next week. I am having a small launch event and am very touched that lots of family, friends and acquaintances are coming. But, and I’m not sure if this is because I’ve been feeling …
I have a lot of “shoulds” about how frequently I have sex with my partner. I have this idea in my mind that ideally we should have sex at least once per week, and when I fall short of that expectation I beat myself up about it. I’ve been thinking like this ever since we …
I have a close friend who I started working with on a freelance basis a few years ago. It was fun until it wasn’t, and I told him I wasn’t interested in doing more freelance work. At first I used migraines and my health as an excuse and told him I was too sick to …
I realised recently that I have had a strange yearning for a motherly figure in my life for a long time. In the past I looked to teachers, later even female bosses to fill something. It has been quite overwhelming and limiting but it’s only recently I have been able to identify what’s going on. …
Hi, I’ve been thinking about my relationship with money. I started a project recently which is to empower a specific group of underrepresented identities within the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a weekly newsletter, plus I plan to organise events soon, too – and my aim is to build an identity specific community in the long term. …
Overcoming fears of asking for money for my work Read More »
Hi, I have noticed that I have a bit of a class complex…. which shows up in relationships with people / and even what I think is possible in my career for me. My upbringing is what I’d describe as working class / but appearing more lower middle class. My parents struggled a lot for …
Hi, I’m currently dating using the apps. I have had some bad experiences of being ghosted recently, including by four people who had already made a plan to go on a date with me, who then just vanished. I’ve done a good job of managing my mind around it I think! I know that I’m …
Navigating uncertainty in dating / impact of ghosting Read More »
Hi, My current goal is going freelance in journalism. I used to work in this industry, but have been working in a different one for the last year, for a charity / activist org – which gets a lot of bad press in the media (not because it’s a bad thing inherently, but because of …
Hi, I’m currently in process of going freelance. As part of this, I want to build more of an online presence / brand for myself – as I think this will help to share my work more widely and get the message out, also so more people will benefit from it. And because I know …
I’m still struggling to untangle the writing (the thing I love doing) from a weird need for success/recognition that I don’t want to be there. I want to love the process not attach to the outcome. I made my goal to raise my self worth as I realised that I was putting too much pressure …
Hi! I am writing down some stories that have been ruling my brains for some time (my autumn goal!). I find it interesting to see how my brain is taking its conclusions. The thought ‘I am lazy’ comes up a lot so that’s why I searched for the proof that my brain is providing for …
I went through a very traumatic and drawn-out breakup with my ex last year (very much his decision to leave), someone who I still love deeply – we were both undiagnosed ND at the time and he’s avoidant whilst I’m more anxious, all of which played a big role. I experienced a breakdown in my …
My ex, my neurodiversity, being loved, and new men Read More »
Breastfeeding sucks I don’t want to do it anymore is sore and I’m tired and fed up being woken up twice a night and scr amed at it’s so fucking shit I just want to stop I’m going to stop I’m going to night wean and be done with it all it’s not good for …
This is my November goal, I would love to know if you have any builds? Goal: Practice taking more time for myself to move my body. Rocks: – practice by taking small amounts of time – be curious by trying it even when it feels wrong – do thought work around feeling guilty – Use …
Hello, I would like some help with my model. It is in regard to an exchange I had with my partner, which is quite similar to a few other incidences. I am struggling to get clear on what is happening and how I can change my behaviour around it. The circumstance is that my partner …
Finding it difficult to talk to my partner about are different thoughts Read More »
Hello! Jumping right in with some context: I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with my dad since childhood (I’m 30 now). It really came to a head during high school when I lived with him and his then girlfriend, now wife. My dad didn’t tell either of us that the other person would be living in …
Hello coaches, So I have recently been diagnosed as perimenopausal at 40 and started HRT a week ago. I am really struggling with my mindset during all of this, being obsessed with whether it’s working and feeling low about whether it’s going to work. Generally negativity. Low motivation but wanting to get back to the …
Thank you for your answer. I actually have a win to report 🙂 At the beginning of the week, I had a meeting with this colleague and another colleague. Before the meeting, I did some self-coaching and decided on my goals and how I wanted to show up in this meeting. I stayed very calm, …
I really struggle with the idea of my value being set. XD I also posted about this in the comments on the community about the recent call with Mars. How about dictators, people who kill others? Is there value also set? My brain goes into fight modus: ”this can’t be true”!! My UM is this …
Hi there lovely coaches, I would like to have coaching on my self-coaching. I get very upset and frustrated about people commenting ‘it is already november, o my god time is passing so quick!!!’ This is a sentence I hear all the f*cking time! And I am tired of it because it activates my nervous …
Triggered/activated by other people saying words about time passing quick Read More »
Hello coaches, I’m starting to do some model work and I’m finding it difficult to know how to use it for the thoughts I’m having in the middle of the night. At certain times in my cycle, or when I’m feeling particularly stressed about something, I’ll wake in the middle of the night in fight …