I’ve just ended another day at a high payed pubic health job, where I am really feeling the pressure. I’m putting in extra hours to try and produce something that I think they want from me, but I’m also not sure what they want from me – and I am very intentional about being direct …
In my last ‘Evaluate & Activate’ review I wrote that I wanted to do more exercise. I thought maybe I’d do a YouTube dance workout or try taking a longer route to work to get more walking in. I put some times in my calendar and then just… didn’t do it. The thing is, I …
Hey coaches, I need some direction here 🙂 For the past month, my physical health has not been optimal, I keep catching viruses/bacteria and ending up sick every other week. I went to see my GP and she came to the conclusion that at the moment my immune system is quite weak which makes me …
Background: I am stressed and experiencing some of the same symptoms I experienced last year before I burned out. I am far more aware of the impact that this has on my body now after doing lots of work over the past year (thought work, therapy, acupuncture, developing boundaries around work) and so rather than …
I want to change my work patterns to a 9 in 10 day fortnight. The thoughts holding me back: It will inhibit my career. My director will think I am a slacker. I have picked up comments from him regarding the part time person in my team and the part time person has not been …
Thank you so much for the coaching. I realised that in fact both were going – I was simultaneously expecting too much of myself, and also not managing my mind very well because somewhere my brain felt overwhelmed by all the changes in my body and all the plans I had made for this time …
Dear Ask a Coach, I would like to get some coaching on my relationship with stress/feeling stressed. I currently have a period at work that is quite busy, with multiple projects going on at the same time, all of which have similar upcoming deadlines. One project, in particular, is quite time-consuming (and it is my …
Yes the feelings in my dream are relaxed, ease, still and contended being alone in a comfortable and beautiful hotel. There’s also the feelings of delight and inspiration from the art works. On the first set of feelings, I think this may be coming from perfectionist tendencies that tend to mean I have high expectations …
Hello and thank you so much for your answer. I think you were right in pointing out that I’ve been carrying a burden for the past few months. Thinking something like “it’s unfair that I have to deal with this” hasn’t really helped me. Though I stand by my decisions during the past few months …
Hello, I would love some help with my thoughts towards colleagues. I work in academia in two different departments at the same university. I find the colleagues and atmosphere in one department quite challenging and negative. So I’ve been (consciously and unconsciously) gravitating more towards the other department (prioritizing their meetings, going out with some …
I know that it is normal for human brains to have a negativity bias. And I think years’ of anxiety and depression in adolescence has made my bias quite strong without me recognising things can be any different – thinking of this in a neutral way without passing judgment on myself. I know that there …
My gut response is approval from others is what is standing in the way and fear that I will make a bad decision. How might I move forward on this ? Thank you Answer: Great insights! Celebrate your win of recognizing what’s holding you back from making your decision. When you say “others” …
C: I’ve been on sick leave from work for several months with consecutive viral illnesses/bacterial infections. I am not doing my usual activities because of symptoms and fatigue T: I am a burden to my husband F: worthless A: buffer with scrolling, talk about how much of a burden I feel to close friends, find …
I am pregnant for the first time, and really struggling with the first trimester pregnancy nausea. I don’t quite throw up every day, more often I just end up running to the bathroom and retching but then not actually vomiting. I talked to my healthcare provider about this, they didn’t seem concerned and told me …
Hi, seven years ago, my husband started on a journey to create our own start-up. I joined him in 2018 full time (-ish, as I had to freelance to make a living). We have launched in the mass-market twice, so on paper, we are successful and others envy us. We have a way to go …
I’m recently back to work following maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit stuck with what to do with my job / career in both the short and long term! I’m currently working in marketing in a job that pays ok, offers lots of flexibility in an industry I have experience in, which I can …
Thanks so much for the coaching! It is really helpful to see an outside perspective that can dissect my C, F and A lines for me. I have done a thought download on ‘Evening activities’ right after I received the coaching and one just now, about two weeks later. When I compare the two thought …
Thank you for your coaching, it’s felt good to explore these questions. What’s hard to accept about myself in dorsal? – A lot of it could be variations of ‘other people thinking I’m not good enough’, and me thinking I’m not good enough. I think my numbness and depression in this state make me unlovable. …
Things That Came Up From Nervous System Mapping #2 Read More »
Thank you so much for your answer. I love the idea of allowing myself to be imperfect, too. I added A lines to both intentional models. Intentional model 1 C: I’ve decided to meet my family for dinner next Saturday T: I will take care of myself during the dinner (e.g. by taking toilet breaks, …
I work in a primary school where the children can work individually, which involves much more spontaneity and individual support/help. Today school started again after the holidays. At noon when we’ve eaten all together I’ve got really emotional and asked, if it’s okey, that I take a bit of time for myself and have eaten …
Thank you for your words! It makes sense, that enough is really subjective and that I can decide what it is. Actually a lot of the things I think I definetely have to do on that day, I can also do later or just not do it. But I really struggle to cross things out …
I often have a lot of unhelpful thoughts on Sundays. I can’t then really enjoy the day off, because I’m already thinking about the new week. I’m a teacher so it’s a lot of planning, that sometimes has to happen on the weekend too. I really try to do everything before, but I still have …
It is a long one and there is a lot to unpack so thank you for bearing with me. First of all, this is my first ever submission. I am new to TFC, and I a bit nervous about being so vulnerable. I am also worried that somehow, someone I know might happen to also …
Navigating Owning a Business With My Romantic Partner – aaargh! Read More »
Hello, I’ve recently joined the flow collective and have not yet been in touch with a coach. I wondered if you could help me with some sticky situations I seem to find myself in with my son. He’s a strong willed beautiful boy and I (try to…) consciously/natural/attachment parent him (I’m also a solo parent). …
Hello coaches I have realised a lot of my overwhelming feelings recently have come from wanting to make more money but working as little as I possibly can. I think I’m stressing myself out about how I can make this happen. I have tried to plan my time in the week for set admin days …
Dear coaches, I’ve joined TFC recently and have already learned a lot through coaching – both through Ask A Coach and self-coaching models – so today I decided it’s time to try and tackle a pattern that I have been struggling for years and years (I am mid-twenties now, but I remember struggling with this …
I was recently asked by an acquaintance in a group if I would like to have a phone call with them to get to know each other better. Instead of telling the truth, that I don’t really have space in my life right now for a new friendship, I said that I would love to …
Hey coaches! A flow-er friend prompted me to send this for coaching after I shared with her! roughly, I’m training for a powerlifting competition in May, so I want to set myself up for success by putting in the work AND I don’t want to make myself miserable in the pursuit of my goal. It …
For the past 6 weeks or so, I have felt quite overwhelmed by the Flow Collective and the process of thought work. I have felt that my capacity is limited, and what time I have to dedicate to my wellbeing needs to be spent doing things that calm and nourish me, like walking or meditating. …
Hi there, I find myself in this situation and I did some thought work and I manage to regulate how I feel about it but I need some coaching on some parts. I have many projects running simultaneously at work, and everything that comes to me is either very important or has a ticking deadline. …
Hello Flow Coach, Thank you for your response and support. It is an ongoing issue, so I’ve created a ‘part 2’ to reply to your guidance. I used your guiding questions and it helped a lot. I’ll summarise my answers here and tell you what my action was. I also have a follow up question. …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts – Part 2 Read More »
I’m recovering from a burnout from work . There are many reasons for the burnout , the work environment , my people pleasing tendencies, challenging projects, and tricky individuals and tricky projects. Im much stronger now , and slowly working towards going back to work . However there are certain individuals who were part of …
Hello previously I asked about my autumn goal (my spring) and was really stuck with actually advertising my business… This remains the problem…So I have decided to make my winter (my summer) goal : to advertise my health coaching business. My rocks are 1) create flyers, print and deliver locally (x 400 fliers). 2) create …
I had a course to deliver which I did not stick to the schedule I set out, to ensure the work didn’t overwhelm me. Which meant I was still tweaking bits on the day and part of it wasn’t ready and I had to alter what I planned to provide. I am proud that I …
Didnt finish my work in time – again. How do I shift this disappointment in myself? Read More »
I have been using the FC Facebook group to share wins / selfcare Sunday and also to read other members posts and interact with the others. I use FB specifically for this group only. From using the group I had great insights so far and posting wins etc helped me a lot, however I noticed …
Hi coaches, I am focusing on resting more and taking life at a slower pace as my body and mind need to heal. I am finding it very difficult not to go at my usual speed and level because both the speed and the level as well as a certain efficiency are very baked into …
Hi coaches, I look part in the recalibrate and activate workshop which was so eye opening and helpful. As a new member, I wanted to run through my goal for this year to get your feedback and check I’m on the right path. The 3 results I’d like to create in 2023 are: 1. to …
I realised my last submission was all over the place (I think it represents how scattered I feel at the moment) so I have done a new one. Just catching up on the winter workshop and now am reaching out for some goal guidance. A lot of Anna’s coaching resonated with me. I realised I …
Hiya I’m 6 weeks into chemotherapy for breast cancer which was diagnosed in November and feeling like I’ve been hit by a steam train most days. Usually very active and optimistic about the day ahead or future plans, it’s taken me by surprise as I can usually dust myself off and dig deep to face …
Staring at the future like a rabbit in headlights Read More »
I really want to change my relationship with exercise, and get fit and strong. I feel like there have been so few periods of my life where I have actually had a regular, healthy exercise regime. I have low cardio fitness now and I am not very strong. My usual exercise is a daily walk …
I’ve just started a new job. And I find myself constantly thinking about work. On my lunch breaks. When I’m out walking. When I’m having a shower or making the dinner. All the time. And it’s not causing me anxiety as such but I can feel this is not allowing myself the space to rest and turn …
I’m getting stuck on which goal I should choose. I got to a place last year where I began to make decisions more clearly and knew what I wanted. But after having some time away from TFC I now feel like I’ve gone back to square one and feel scattered again. I don’t know whether …
Hello lovely team. When reading my previous submission I’ve realised how much I’ve achieved. I don’t have doubts about whether what I want and what I do is valid. I’ve started a course to have the basis of what will be my new career. I’m loving it despite it taking a lot of my time. …
I have an urge inside me to create art and to manifest my creative ideas. After a life coaching and some homework given by Mars, I started right away to experiment with some of my creative ideas. At the beginning my mind was very active, thinking that i might just like the idea of being …
Thanks very much for the coaching on pt. 1 of this question. I spent the week doing daily thought experiments where I would fully commit to either leaving or not leaving and see how the decision affected my thoughts and feelings throughout the day. I also had coffee with two colleagues I trust. Seeing how …
My winter goal is connection and lightness. Over Christmas I felt that concentrating on connection gave my days a lovely focus and much reward and I wanted to continue this. I had self love as a goal in the autumn and connection with myself can be wound in. Lightness is something I am aspiring to …
Hi! My original word for the year was implementation. I wanted my goal(s)to be: being more consistent, to take better care of myself and to not feel overwhelmed ( I didnt really understand the rocks thing at this point). After some coaching and listening back to it, I meditated on dealing with the overwhelm and …
Spending time to answer the questions from the response, I am able to get deeper into the underlying overwhelm. I am resisting the reality of my life with unrealistic expectations, and ‘shoulding’ on myself. I have a lot of free time and sometimes think I’m taking it for granted. Then, I believe I should fill …
(first timer asking for coaching alert – and newbie to TFC, joined at Twixmas!) I’m currently solo-parenting as my husband is working abroad for 12 days. Although this is a habit I have when he is around to co-parent, I’ve noticed it more when he is away and I have extended periods of solo-parenting. It …
Thank you very, very much. The thought download has helped me so much. I understood that these thoughts I had about my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are basically my thoughts about myself. I don’t feel good enough, in fact I think about myself I should do more, achieve more. Taking these thoughts to myself and being …
Mother-In-Law Activates Competitive Feeling In Me Part 2 Read More »
“If I want something that I don’t need, I may have to sacrifice love and acceptance.” – Oh yes. That is accurate. Actually, no. That is an accurate transcription of the amorphous belief bumping around in my subconscious, but it is no longer accurate in the life that I have built for myself away from …
Part 2 of uprooting outdated beliefs about money Read More »
I’ve recently set up my own coaching business (thanks to the work done in the Flow Collective!) which I’m doing on the side of my full-time day job. I have just got my first paying client, but they want to pay me with their work development funds — my coaching niche is my day job …
I have a very vulnerable grandmother and I am her closest relative geographically. She is hard work and not your normal cuddly grandma – she has had Schizophrenia and nervous breakdowns through her life and it’s never been treated. My family have hidden her mental health as back then, it was a shameful problem. I …
Feeling guilt tripped by family + boundary setting Read More »
I’m struggling to decide if my 2023 goal of letting myself explore lots of interests without the pressure to decide on a career path right away is me being kind to myself, giving myself room to get excited about life again, and teaching my brain/nervous system to sit in the discomfort of the unknown rather …
Am I Getting Comfortable With the Unknown or Just Stalling? Read More »
My partner whenever something bad happens to her has a tendency to say they’re unlucky. Doing work in this collective I feel like I can see there is thought work to be done here for her but I’m also wondering about my tendency to want to advise or help people fix their unhappiness. Is it …
Talking to my manager at the start of this year we discussed how we both (female) were stressed thinking about the year ahead being a repeat of the year before. My job has a lot of last minute new business pitches where people expect everyone to work overtime if the deadline comes in, even if …
Hi coaches, Your post in the facebook page got me thinking. The recalibrate workshops and the winter workshop made me feel SO inspired. I have a lot of big ideas. And the winter workshop put me into a model that made me think okay what if this were possible, what if this were simple, what …
Hello 🙂 This post is about my relationship with my father and the limbo period we find ourselves in. There are big issues in my relationship with my father. They are issues I have (and therefore, in my model, that WE have). But my father denies they exist, and/or belittles them or blames me for …
Limbo Period in Relationship after 1y No Contact lifts Read More »
Help with choosing my word for 2023 A bit of info about me for context: I work part time as a librarian. I enjoy my job and it has saved me and built me up in many ways coming out of a period of ill health. It enables me now to be in a place …
Dear coaches, I am in the third year of doing a Research Master’s Degree and this year, I have to write my thesis. However, when I started the process in September, I expected it to go much quicker and smoother than it’s turning out to be. When I started, I expected to have a big …
I notice I am overfunctioning for my partner. He is struggling with a lack of purpose/income in his career and has low moods about it. He has also made some big mistakes in things like taxes which will lead to a big joint bill and I notice my trust in him has been affected. My …
There’s quite a lot going on for me at the moment- a bereavement just before I joined FTC, completing 1:1 sound therapy qualification- pending assessment but hoping to build a business so I can support myself and drop my part-time job and support my art practice whilst working to become a full-time practising artist. I …
Grief and making the most of/ making a start with TFC Read More »
Hi – I have been working on my first book illustration commission, after finishing an MA, and am really struggling with self confidence, I feel like I am being too tight and rigid in my work, that they won’t like it… I keep catching myself saying “I can’t do it”, “it’s too much”. Actually, as …
Thank you for the helpful response which made me see a distinction between deciding I need to rest versus believing I deserve to rest. Here are a couple of models that I would appreciate feedback on: Unintentional model: C: I’ve decided I need short-term sick leave for restorative rest. T: I don’t really deserve it. …
I am new to the Flow Collective. One of the reasons I have joined is I am feeling so overwhelmed by my life. I can’t seem to focus on anything – I have a busy job, I am studying alongside having a full time job, have a complicated and painful family situation in the background, …
I’m new to the Flow Collective and have really loved the clarity and inspiration around quarterly goal setting, and the rocks to support the goals. My issue is (and I’m sure many people struggle with this), I think I have too many goals for this quarter. I’ve come up with 6 professional goals – 4 …
I’m reflecting on my time at my family home over Christmas and would love some coaching on my response to my parents relationship. For context my mum has a chronic illness which badly effects her mobility and causes her a lot of pain which she takes a lot of very strong pain killers for. My …
I haven’t used this resource before! Exciting! I am struggling with the notion of downtime, worrying if I am enjoying it ‘properly’, getting defensive about it being my “sacred” time and making sure I don’t waste it doing things I don’t enjoy. For example, I don’t like making too many plans on Sundays as I …
Hello lovely coaches, Happy new year! Straight to the topic: I worked very hard from mid november until christmas. Through the years, I think I got my system used to stand relatively short high intensity stretches of work, and I suspect my body learnt how to not really give signs of tiredness (or maybe I …
I’ve been on sick leave for a few months due to burnout in my research job/PhD. I’ve been working 8 hrs per week on admin tasks for about 8 weeks now, which is going well. I will slowly build work back up with 2 extra work hours every 2 weeks (advice from company doctor), and …
Moving/Renovating & Returning to Work After Burnout Recovery Read More »
I’ve learned that I need to take care of myself and should fully give myself permission to do so. I feel increasingly confident in this belief – outside of my work environment. I work in a non-profit collective (with an open ended workload. Overwork is common and some colleagues express that we are too generous …
In response to previous coaching: My expectations of my husband… – I expect my husband to view childcare and jobs around the house as shared responsibilities – I expect my husband to consult me about activities/commitments he wants to do, so that we can jointly assess how feasible they are given our joint responsibilities – …
My husband’s work commitments/lifestyle – part 2 Read More »
My husband works full time, runs his own business on the side, is doing a masters and volunteers regularly each week with the air cadets. He also fits in golf and bootcamp where he can. My issue is that I feel I’ve taken a very negative view of all this. For me, this is too …
Hey Coaches! During the workshop today and in my reflections after, I think I landed on my priority goal for the year. I’d love your coaching to refine it. I decided that I would like my goal to be: “reduce scarcity thinking.” I think another way I can frame this is: “noticing the abundance in …
2023 Power Word = Abundant & Goal = Reduce Scarcity Thinking Read More »
I’m a teacher on winter break, and this is something I struggle with every break and most weekends. I don’t know how to relax. Even things I find relaxing, such as reading a book, somehow becomes a task I use to measure my worthiness. I feel fear and shame when I try to lay down …
Hi coaches, I am building a new platform/project and I am really excited. The topic really interests me and I have multiple books, articles, podcasts lined up to read/listen to. I am excited when I find them, look forward to reading it, but I often find myself not talking the action of actually reading. If …
I often blame myself for resting and taking it easy. I see it as detrimental to being consistent in what I do. How would you recommend I build a healthier relationship between resting which sometimes doesn’t have a palpable result and consistency which usually beings visible outcomes. Thank you Answer: It would help …
Hello, I have a list of work related tasks that I’m having issues getting done. For example I need to write a list of topics for my business’ newsletter but I can’t focus and when I try to write a newsletter I don’t know what to write. I feel ungrounded and unfocused. Any suggestions would …
Dear Coaches I have too much on my plate. I notice it by constantly trying to multitask (even though I know I can’t) and forgetting appointments. This busy-ness is of course self-inflicted – I have two kids, a job, am self-employed on top of that, have lots of interests, girlfriends and little side-gigs (and a …
I’d like coaching on how to handle letting go of issues when there is a third involved – in this case, the dog. I think I identified two things here. Some days I look after the dog, and some days my partner does, even if we are both around. It happens that he postpones or …
Hi lovely coaches! I am coming at you with something I have been sitting with for the past few weeks. This autumn/winter season I committed to slow the heck down, take in all the witchy/cozy/Christmasy vibes and have been savoring time at home, reading, cooking and not doing much. I have seen the benefit on …
Hi there! I am currently on partial sick leave from my research job & PhD (working 20%) due to burnout symptoms. I did a massive thought download and picked up some of the most pervasive and unhelpful thoughts I have about my burnout and the recovery process, and coached myself. I am stuck on some …
Hey coaches! Today was a pretty difficult day – emotionally. I’ve just finished watching the episode on Criticism in the Flow Collective and it has helped me to bring some issues here for more coaching. The situation that I am dealing is dealing with criticism from a colleague who happens to be my friend as …
Hello, some old school friends asked me if I wanted to do something with them on New Year’s Eve. I immediately agreed thinking that we would go to a party as we had done in previous years. However, it turns out they want to spend a cozy evening at home and chose the house of …
Hello, I am from Ireland. I left in 2008 and have moved around a bit. I now live in California and have been here for 7 years. I have a 3 and a 6 year old and they were both born here. My wife is from London.We both have a constant itch about moving back …
Thanks you. I’ve considered and made notes on all the things you raised, and sharing some of this here for further coaching – I put the thought into a model C: Considering the thought that “I provoke bad reactions in people” T: I don’t seem to be able to state my needs without pissing others …
Well, its not exactly what happened. As soon as she left, and i took some time to compose myself I could focus on work, be efficient using MY METHOD, and be content executing the task requested. I think what is mainly triggering me is the fact that i feel that she is talking AT me, …
There is a competition which has the 12th of January to submit the work. I have been going over this in my head a lot on whether to participate or not. It would be great, because if I win, I could win some money, plus it would be a really good practice for me and …
This Christmas I am spending 5 day ish over Christmas with my bf and his mum at her place. I am looking forward to it AND have concerns about getting some me time in. They are not huge fans of Christmas, and I must admit it’s lost a bit of its sparkle to me over …
In September I started a new work as a Lecturer in an University. I know I am underprepared to do my job. I am under provation for three years and I am afraid I won’t be able to pass my probation period. I know some of the material I have to teach but not much …
“feelings that bring you a sense of calm and joy” What a beautiful notion! This sparked something inside of me and made me realise that while I have always been striving towards joy, I am missing the calm. The sense of urgency was and is still very present. I have been trying to be very …
Hi coaches! I would like to have a consistent morning routine. I think that it would serve me well. Right now, I wake up most days with a vague (and long) list of things I’d like to do every morning. Inevitably, I sleep in later than I planned, I drop the “nice to have” items …
Hello! I have a recurring problem in my life. I get very excited when I start things but then when the first phase is done and I need to move to the next one I get completely lost and I don’t know what to do. I usually respond to this thought of not knowing what …
Thanks again for your feedback, and I went back and relistened to the whole 3 part series of responsibility on the podcast. I have been thinking about this, and whilst I do find the metaphor helpful, I still feel a bit stuck on this. I don’t actually feel like I’ve been ‘dragging my friend over …
This week at work has left me in a state of complete exhaustion and I am asking myself why. If I could describe it using the spoons analogy, I am in minus spoons right now. I could feel myself being close to running out of spoons early in the week, but things are so demanding …
Because I believe that everthing is connected, my observation so far are: I’ve had the BIGGEST shift ever during a concert of one of my favorite bands: It just clicked, and I realized my issue with emptiness/loneliness (BPD symptom > RUSHING) and my huuuuge love towards working and growing a business are linked together. It’s …
Thanks for your answer! It has unraveled a lot for me: ‘Rushing’ is like a safety net that prevents me from being with myself. Being with myself has always been a HUGE threat to me (I’m neurodivergent – BPD – and one of the symptoms is an overwhelming, overpowering emptiness). So rushing means being distracted …
Hi again, following up on anxiety spiral pt. 1 and 2 to say that my fourteen-year old is now with me a lot of the time. Whenever I feel anxious, I check in with her, ask her how she’s doing, hug her, make her a hot chocolate. There is a lot of grieving involved as …
Thanks for your answer; it’s very helpful to me. I realized that ‘rushing‘ is a huge topic for me; you’ve hit the nail on the hat! I’m able to do big things VERY quickly, and I spent most of my life ‘rushing‘ to reach goals. That was a massive part of my identity (or the …