Friends and family are jealous

Hi everyone. I’m struggling to know how to respond to jealousy from friends / family / colleagues. I think it’s caused me to dim my light a lot in life – like failing to celebrate my wins and successes for fear of hurting peoples feelings. But then I feel like I dull my own joy and sense of celebrating my successes and they just pass me by because I worry telling people will make them not like me. This is something I am trying not to do anymore but how do we handle digs, negative comments, attacking comments from friends / family members when this occurs. Especially when it’s to do with the way I look, if someone is jealous of me for being smaller / bigger than them, these are the things I can’t hide or change. I get so upset by the comments and don’t really know how to process them in my thought work. Should I be showing compassion to those people and not talk about my wins around them (which is what i tend to do) or should I stop spending time with the haters? This is difficult when the hater is in your family, while I have naturally drifted from hater friends because that seems to be easier to remove (though still painful). Thank you very much! Victoria x

 

Answer:

We’re so glad you brought this to AAC. This seems like a great opportunity to cultivate some even deeper self-awareness about what you want from and for yourself.

If I were to create a model from your submission, this is how one version might look:

C: People’s comments

T: I don’t know how to process them in my thoughtwork

F: Confused

A: Wonder if I should be showing compassion to those people and not talk about my wins, wonder if I should stop spending time with them, tell myself it’s difficult when the hater is in my family…

R: Stay in a state of confusion about how to process other people’s comments

How would you handle other people’s comments if you were in firmly rooted in a bright, light, and joyful version of yourself (if your light was turned way way up)? How would you feel and what would that version of you think about other people’s comments? Create an Intentional Model (IM) with the answers to these questions.

C: People’s comments

T:

F:

A:

R: Sharing wins and successes from a joyful, lit up place

Finally, if the leap from where you are now to your IM feels too big, what is a small step you can take with either a thought or a feeling that will help you get closer to living in your IM?

Come back to us with the IM and what thought or feeling you are going to try out to help you get there.