Being rude when giving boundaries

This question is about a feeling that I find it difficult to proccess. It’s an overwhelming feeling that I have done something completely wrong and that I am a bad person.

An example: I can be a bit clumsy when I try to set bounderies for myself. So I was at the gym and bumped in to a friend. And she wanted to be on the elyptical beside me. I absolutly did not want that and tried to get the one that was one step away working, but it did not work. So I ended up just saying that I wanted to be in my head and leaving to go to another room.

What my problem is then is that I have tried to set a boundarie for myself. That I felt that I needed for myself, but I have ended up being rude, and now just stressing about how rude I was for the entire workout.

I don’t know how to proccess this because I feel like should say sorry a thousand times for behaving the way I did (and then I’ll probably start crying). And that feels maybe like the wrong thing to do?

Thanks!

 

Answer:

First, it is great that you know what you need, and you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. 

The issue is that it sounds like there is some judgment on yourself. It sounds like you think you should not want to have your space.

When you think that you should not want to move away, how do you feel in your body? When you feel that way, how do you explain what you are doing to your friend? Does that affect how you communicate your needs to your friend? Does it have  you judging yourself for how you handled the situation?

What would that same situation look like if you were thinking that you were doing the right thing for you? You could even argue that it improves your friendship to be willing to share your needs with another. How would you let your friend know then what you needed?

Take some time to answer those questions and if you’d like to, bring back what you discover for more coaching.