Hi coaches! I’d like some help unpicking an ongoing, underlying thought process I seem to keep returning to.
I have a two food intolerances – dairy and gluten, and have known and worked to avoid them for about 5 years now. It has changed my life for the better: no longer am I in constant abdominal pain, bloating, stomach issues, skin issues… you get the picture.
However, it has also had a huge effect on how I view food and drink, and my relationship with it – a lot linking to control. I have always loved food, and cooking, however over the last 5 years I have found myself feeling more and more restricted and limited and wishing I could just eat ‘normally’. I worry a lot about how certain food and drink will affect my physically.
I think because I have to be so mindful about what I am eating and drinking it can tip into other areas that I don’t have an intolerance to, I’m just aware it’s not ‘great’ for me, such as alcohol, coffee, sugar – I really don’t consume a lot of these, perhaps a glass of wine once a week, or an occasional coffee; however when I do, I get a lot of feelings of shame and guilt; and thoughts along the lines of ‘you know how detrimental this is to your health and your going to pay for the consequences now, why can’t you just control yourself’ and then proceed to wait for all the ‘evidence’ that my body is feeling the repercussions.
Could you help me think of a way to reframe?
Here’s an example of an unintentional model I had earlier:
C: I drank a coffee. T: This is going to have a knock on effect and make me feel terrible. F: Worry. A: Blame myself, move into shame, look for all the ways my body will be feeling ‘off’, tell myself I have no control, don’t actually enjoy drinking the coffee. R: Feel shit about drinking a coffee, and then frustrated that I can’t just enjoy a drink (!)
Answer:
This is such great awareness of your thoughts and the effect it is having. What is noticeable is this thinking that there is “have to” when it comes to eating and drinking. Something may not be “great” for you, and you may still choose to eat it. You may also choose to decline it.
Your thinking appears to be an “all-or nothing” type of thinking that foods that are “great” you may have, and those that are not, you may not have any. The truth is that each thing you put in your mouth is a choice. If you choose to eat gluten, you do it knowing the effects that it will have on your body. If you choose to not eat it, it is because of what you may be gaining from that choice, like not feeling bloated.
When you drink coffee, like in your model, why are you making that choice? It may sound like, “I love the taste of coffee,” or “I want some caffeine,” or something else. Thinking about that choice may sound one of two ways
“I know coffee may make me feel ___, and I am choosing to drink it because ____.”
“I do not know how I will feel drinking this coffee; however, I want some because _____.”