2024 Intention: Get Playful With It – Part 6

Hey coach!

About getting perspective from my brother and sister:

“You get to decide what input is useful and what is not.” – great point!!!

“How could you define the purpose of this conversation for yourself?” – to understand my siblings’ experience of our parents’ parenting, specifically to give me perspective on my risk-assessing as a kid (and therefore understand my state of anxiety as a kid). Guiding questions:
Did you feel you trusted their judgements in potentially tricky situations?
Did you feel that they were in control, and that risk was well assessed and mitigated?
Did you feel that you/we were safe?
Were you ever in a situation of stepping up to take that control, assess risk, mitigate risk?
What happened when you did?

“What result do you want to create for you?” – better understanding of my upbringing and potentially making links to how i am as an adult and my adult anxiety (this is linked to the big What if’s and doom spirals we spoke of).

“How can you care for and support yourself in the process of getting feedback?” – using that exact phrase you gave me above: ‘I get to decide what input is useful and what is not.’ And: Nobody can rewrite my experience of my childhood. I can trust my own judgement. This is just information gathering.

And on your last point:
“I would also offer that if you’re not sure yet about loving the doom spiral version of you” – this is very very true. Im hesitant.

” think about that younger version of you who may have felt super anxiety. What did they need? How can you care, protect and empathize with them?” – effective questions!

So when she was in that state, she needed reassurance. She needed to feel considered and her worries taken seriously. in many forms:

She needed pause. For time and attention to be spent on her until she was ready to step away.

She needed physical closeness throughout: a big hug and cuddles and gentle voice.

She needed a conversation to give voice and validation to her worries: ‘Do you want to tell me what you are feeling? … What is it you are worried about? …. (rephrase it simply) did i get it right? … It makes sense that you feel worried, because XYZ’.

Then finally, she needed the option to find solutions if she wanted it. Collaboratively. ‘I wonder what solutions we could find for this worry ….’.

(Context i thought of for all this was: i was worried that there will be no accomodation available when we arrive in that country….(spiral begins)…. and we will be on the streets awake/sleeping all night…. with all our suitcases …. and we dont know the place and we will be scared or cold or unsafe all night…. we will be robbed, attacked, my parents hurt or someone killed….)

Ok.

 

 

Answer:

 

What kind of model would you have to be in to be able to set yourself up for as much success as possible – meaning, being able to ask the questions of your brother and sister? What thoughts and feelings would help you create this opportunity the most?