Hello!

So, I’m struggling a bit with my goals and rocks.

I thought I’d give a bit of a background /context on my year and where I am. I worked freelance as a private chef for many years but 4 years ago opened a business with my partner. We ran a cafe for 3 years in London which we closed in February – I was burnt out and jaded, the landlords were also refurbishing and it felt like time to move on. We had decided we would look to live abroad. Which is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. We took a month off, came back to pack up our stuff and renew my passport, which then took 6 months to come back. In which time I had a a bit of a freak out. I started feeling really anxious, like I wasn’t good enough. Work was slow, all my private clients travel in the summer which I couldn’t do, other jobs fell through for reasons out of my control. We had people asking when we were reopening so we quite hastily reopened a take away version of our cafe. The idea being that it would be less staff, easier to run, we could set it up and leave it to a team more easily.

I don’t want to speak for my partner, but I felt like I really rushed into it with rose tinted glasses – people had been so sad to see us close I think I was chasing being needed? I think a lot of my decision came from not enoughness. (I started listening to the podcast around then – the one on ambition really resonated at the time).
We’ve both had so much doubt since reopening, for a few reasons. – Staffing, margins, it’s not creative enough, missing the people of front facing.

We gave ourselves a time line to find staff, to make the numbers we needed to for it to run without us being there full time. It’s come to that time and we have decided to close and we booked to go to abroad in January. Which I feel good about, but also a little conflicted. It’s been so emotionally draining this venture. I know we need to learn from this and we are looking at the positive but it has taken a lot out of us both. I think the fact it’s following on from the pandemic probably has a lot to do with it. I’ve been craving more creativity for such a long time but throughout the pandemic it so often was just about survival. I think we should’ve taken the time over the summer to reflect and work out what we want and how to get there. But no regrets (I’m saying through gritted teeth!;)) we learn from our mistakes/ failures.

Which leads me on to my rocks and goals. I want to learn to have more confidence in myself, take more time to understand what it is I want. I feel like I busy myself so much I don’t always take time to really work out what it is that makes me happy and how I can make this work with my work and life.
I’m so easily distracted and very good at working until I just can’t physically do anymore. I think I need to really take time for myself without jumping up to do something.

So.. my goal:

Finding clarity in my life, what I want and how to get there.

1. find confidence in myself & my decisions – but is this also a goal?
2. Learn to listen to my body, take time for myself, allow time to tune into my emotions and thoughts. Take time to self coach, ask for support from group, ask a coach.
3. Find regular time for my creativity.

– The finding clarity feels enormous to me by the way, my mind feels like its always racing.

I hope this makes sense.. Thank you for your taking the time to read and any advice! 🙂

Answer:

I wonder if finding clarity feels enormous to you because you’re not being specific about what you want to find clarity on. Is it clarity in decision making? Clarity in a vision for the future? Clarity in communication? Narrowing this down will likely simplify creating this goal and selecting your rocks. Speaking of which, you alluded to the fact that finding confidence in yourself and taking more time to understand what you want are closely connected. I wonder if the first rock could actually be something to do with slowing down, or resting, or something that allows you to step back in some way and reflect. When you consider these options, what comes up for you in your mind, emotions and body? You can’t go wrong with your choices…allow your decision-making process to be simple. Let us know in a subsequent submission titled, “Confidence goal pt. 2”.