Get support
Get support

Abrupt End to a 20 year friendship (Part 2)

Thank you for the response – it has helped so far. I’ve tried tidying up the model – see below.
C: I had a day to prepare for a Sunday lunch with family but left it till Sunday morning to marinate a leg of lamb. I asked my friend something along the lines of “You’re probably thinking its crazy/ quite funny that I didn’t manage to get this done earlier don’t you?” Friend smirked and said, ‘Yeah’.
T: Friend could not understand why I struggled despite me going into detail about all the unexpected obstacles I faced the day before.
F: hurt
A: Called her out, told her she didn’t understand what it was like, stop talking to her for a while, judge her, imagine reasons why she acted how she did and why she now hasn’t responded to me either.
R: I don’t think of things from her perspective with compassion.
Reading the context part of this model does make me feel like I have poured a lot, perhaps too much, energy and thought into all of this and it all seems so silly but I think my feelings stem from how I have interpreted her words and how for quite sometime I have suspected that she doesn’t really believe I struggle due to my ADHD. So really my frustration with her stems from my own feelings that I am trying my best to do the things I believe others can do with ease but still struggling with. I have probably felt more hurt due to not having heard from her which made me think she didn’t really value my friendship – again I am imagining reasons but I’ve known her to cut others off in the past so I imagined that she was doing this with me.

 

Answer:

 

That is a keen insight into yourself. It’s very human to have our frustrations with others stem from our own insecurities and feelings. The thoughts that I see emerging are:
  1. She doesn’t really believe I struggle due to my ADHD.
  2. I am trying my best to do the things I believe others can do with easy, but still struggling with.
  3. She doesn’t really value my friendship.
When you see these written out like that, what feelings arise. Try modeling them out and get curious about the actions you’re taking and the results you’re creating as a result. What do you notice? Is there something you’d like to investigate more or that makes you curious about changing?