Anger

Hi coaches, could I have some feedback on a model and situation that feels quite messy.

C: Dog air scented near the fence (we are working on not barking endlessly at neighbours dog through the fence), partner yanked dog away and pulled the lead out of my hand
T: He’s undermining me
F: Anger
S: Flash of searing energy in my body
A: snatch lead back
Say ‘no’ to partner
Slap partner’s hand (I’m now feeling a lot of shame around this but different model)
Move dog away from fence
R: I try to reassert myself but not in the manner I’d like to

Anger isn’t an emotion I feel often and certainly not at the intensity that it flared up in this situation. I don’t think I was neceessariy wrong to feel angry, but I wish I could have expressed it in a different way.

I’ve done another model using the thought ‘he thinks I’m incompetent’ and disempowered as the feeling, which definitely came up afterwards, but in the moment it was the anger which came through fast and strong. I know anger is an uncomfortable feeling for many people and in some ways it served me in the situation, it enabled me to communicate that I am not OK with the lead been snatched away and I did move the dog further away and re-engage him very quickly afterwards, so from a dog training perspective it was a win, but the rest all feels so crappy.

 

Answer:

 

Anger can be a tricky feeling, yes. I am going to take a guess and say that the physical response you took was squarely seated in the activated nervous system state – you were in fight mode and trying to protect yourself. What were you protecting yourself from when you felt this way? If you could have expressed your anger in a way that was different, what would that have looked like?