Anxiety Spiral pt. 2

Thanks for answering my first question. My anxiety comes from feeling that I will lose my support in life if I put a foot wrong and from still feeling like other people’s feelings matter more than mine. It spirals because the stakes feel super high even when they aren’t. I used to have frequent fantasies of saving a friend or family member from a fire or from drowning, usually somebody who is particularly important to me, which came from having learned that my value in the world depends on if I am able to save somebody else. I’ve used Maisie’s recent podcast about processing emotions to invite my anxiety in for a hot chocolate and a biscuit and I found out that she is fourteen-year old me who is absolutely terrified that her family will abandon her if she asks for her own needs. This has been a huge step as I could wrap her in a blanket, hold her, give her plenty of hot chocolate and light a fire for her all of which made her feel safer. I feel that she needs a lot more of care and love before she can really relax. Would you be able to suggest other ways I can reassure her? Thank you.

Answer:

This is huge. Hug yourself. That’s a big step. The thing about our inner child is that we are them…and what comforts us will also likely comfort them. Write a list of what makes you feel truly safe and connected. Think about places, situations, feelings, sensory experiences, or moments that bring you to that place. In what ways can you invite her to experience those also? It doesn’t have to be an over-the-top experience…it can simply be calling her to mind, or imagining sitting next to her while she sips hot chocolate as you take in what you’re experiencing.
When you think about doing that, how do you feel? That is your best indication about whether what you’re doing is fitting the bill for caring for and attending to the needs of 14 year old you. Let us know what you come up with in a follow up titled, “Anxiety Spiral pt. 3”.