Approach to Work

I’m the CEO of a charity and have been in my job for over 10 years. I’ve achieved some success but until a couple of years ago my approach was very much about hustling, putting in all the hours, working hard all the time, expecting consistency from myself, perfectionism, and people pleasing. Just over two years ago I had a long break from work following the loss of my daughter who was stillborn, and while I wasn’t working, I joined the Flow Collective, accessed counselling, and took some time to reassess my approach in lots of areas. When I went back to work, I went in with a very different approach, supported by thought-work and self-coaching, and this was pretty successful. 10 months later, I started maternity leave when my next child was born, and a year on from that, I’m returning to work again in just over a month’s time, and am doing a few Keep In Touch days at the moment.

I’m aware that there are a few things going on now. I’m feeling very nervous when thinking about or starting any work or engagement with the charity. Some of that is my nervous system reacting according to its old pattern – associating work with being activated. And I know I also have a model in which I’m thinking that I’m not going to be able to do it again – work in a different way, like I did last time. I’m finding reasons why the last time was different – I was pregnant for a lot of it and so I had a ‘good’ reason to prioritise my needs and wellbeing. I also didn’t return to full-time hours. I realise as I’m writing this that I also have evidence that I’m still doing things differently, including the fact that I’ve had a 4 day week agreed, but I’m ignoring that when I’m in the model where I’m thinking I won’t be able to do it.

I’ve got lots of helpful thoughts (my favourite is ‘I do things differently now’) and intentional models that helped me last time, and I also know now that I need to take time to tend to my nervous system as well. But there’s another layer and a model I would particularly like coaching on, which is as follows.

C: Me working in a different way
T: I’ll had to work hard at it and not give in
F: Tense? (along with physical sensation of tension and rigidity in my body)
A: Worry about not being able to do it; think about how easy it will be just to do things in the old way instead; create tension in my body; not soothe my nervous system; not treat the part of my brain that’s worried with compassion
R: I’m making it hard

 

Answer:

Wonderful question and model. Thank you for bringing it here. I would offer that you shift the way you are looking at the past. Right now you are seeing everything that has come before as a liability that will make things harder. There is a lot of fear and dread of the future because it is unknown and the brain hates the unknown. It is trying to protect you with worry. Worry is never useful, however.

What if everything you have been through the past years has given you absolutely everything you need to navigate going back to work exactly the way you need to? Notice the assets you’ve aquired and skills you have built. Notice the  determination you have to make this a better experience.

Instead of keeping the past in your thought “I do things differently now.” Try staying in the present. What thought about you now, today, will create the feeling you want as you go back to work? It’s just as possible that because of who you are today, this is going to be easy. See what comes up and bring any questions or models back for more coaching.