Arguing with my decision about my marriage

Hi, after todays call with Maisie I’ve figured out that I have been arguing with myself about the decision I have made a while ago.
Thinking and worrying about how much it’ll impact my son if I leave my marriage, when really, it’s already impacting him by seeing an unhappy mum and relationship.
I am trying to think back and I have been thinking thoughts about divorce for a long time on and off. I am just wondering if my brain has been focusing on this one decision and day dreaming about what I’d be doing following a divorce as a way to keep me safe ( I am physically safe but have been stressed/ heartbroken since end of 2019)? And has this focus been preventing me from finding and focusing on an alternative solution (staying in the marriage and working on making it better)? Is there a way to shift the thinking to a different answer/ decision?
I’m guessing all of this is me arguing with myself and my decision but the fear of regret and “doing the wrong thing” is real.

 

Answer:

Let’s say for a moment that you end up “doing the wrong thing.” So what? (I say that with all the compassion and curiosity in the world…I know it might sound harsh). Sometimes it’s easy to push down thoughts about the worst-case scenarios because who wants to think about them? But, if we address our fears and write down or otherwise intentionally acknowledge what the worst case scenario could be, what it would mean for us, and what we’d do if we were to find ourselves there, it actually allows us to engage our prefrontal cortex, be clear and decisive about what options would be available to us, and how we’d navigate the situation. And it almost deflates the enormity of the worst case scenario. Best of all, it allows us to tap into our own power, our strengths and our problem solving skills.

Answer the question…”What would happen if I did the wrong thing by staying/leaving my marriage? How would I handle it?” What do you notice?

As you’re going through this, remember to give yourself compassion as your emotions ebb and flow. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have, and you’re right where you’re meant to be on your journey. It’s clear this decision is important to you and you’re figuring out how to navigate it well. We’re here for you as you walk your path.