Arriving home and mood change (pt2)

I thought the model captured the situation well. What I am noticing is that I am not communicating my thought to him and so I am not giving him the opportunity to respond to a request. I make it a problem that I don’t act in the way he wants me to because it clearly makes me a bad partner who is not deserving of love. Self-love was my spring goal and so I am definitely making strides with this and romantic relationships I know are a big trigger point for me for bringing up insecurities.

I think partly this is driven by the UM:
C: Arrive home
T: “Why aren’t I happy to see him when he is always so happy to see me?”
F: Panic
S: Tight chested, unease in stomach, lightheaded, heat behind eyes
A: Talk defensively, dismiss his affections, don’t reciprocate affection
R: Push him away, create distance, say mean things to myself about how I am treating him

Writing this out I can see that perhaps I am trying to make him feel not happy to see me so that I don’t have to worry about me not being happy to see him? Except I know that if he ever does seem not happy to see me that I then worry about that.

I do tend to heavily criticise myself and our relationship when “things aren’t going well”. I seem to find it hard to let go of those thoughts and the feelings that come up, even when I can identify that I am actually not so bothered.

 

 

Answer:

 

Just for kicks, let’s check the thought, “It clearly makes me a bad partner who is not deserving of love.” Is that absolutely, undeniably, inarguably true? Why or why not? What else might that first model mean about you that has nothing to do with how worthy you are of love? Get curious about what it might mean about you as a person who is learning about themselves.

What I notice is that you are staying stuck in a model and trying to manipulate your partner into feeling a certain way about you. How do you want to handle this situation where you come home and want your space and to be quiet? Think about your dream result and work from your R line up in the model. What do you notice?