Arriving home and mood change (pt3)

Cognitively I understand that the T: “It clearly makes me a bad partner who is not deserving of love” is not true. However it is a strong core wounding/underlying belief that I am trying to get rid of. Being curious, I can see that actually I am really trying to support and improve our relationship by being aware of my reactions and trying to understand why things are happening so that I can change things if they are not serving me/us. However, I recognise that I am not in some instances doing so from a place of love/good enough-ness.

If I wrote a full model with the thought it would be:
C: Arriving home
T: “It clearly makes me a bad partner who is not deserving of love”
F: Scared
S: Tight chested, cold, light-headed, heaviness behind eyes
A: Seek re-assurance, go into “child mode”, say things about how I am not good enough
R: I feel small/submissive in the relationship, I ruminate about how I am not good enough, I don’t show up in the way that I want

The second part of the coaching really struck a chord, and touched on some shadow work for me. It used the word “manipulate” and I have been having a lot of thoughts about this word. One of the fears coming up is around labelling myself as “toxic” and worrying that I am not capable of a loving and healthy relationship. However, the Libra season has really helped me with this hence why I am now back and ready to receive more coaching. I have realised that I am placing WAY more energy/importance on the “negative” traits/behaviours/thoughts. I suddenly realised that I could flip this and place my energy and importance on the things I want to cultivate and celebrate. I am feeling a lot more empowered and compassionate towards myself, and I am interested to see what shifts this might bring when my partner returns home from working away.

I have also been practicing calling my partner on my way home from work to have a check-in before physically arriving home. This is really useful as it helps me to go from work mode to home mode and helps regulate my nervous system. I haven’t yet communicated that I need any space during these calls but I think they could be a good opportunity to do so.

I also haven’t built a full Intentional Model yet but I have made my R line list and I love reading it and seeing all the qualities that already exist within myself that are waiting to fully blossom. Reading the list I know that I already am, and that I can continue to be the kind of partner I want to be:
– Tolerant
– Kind
– Turn towards bids
– Curious
– Open-hearted
– Playful
– Honest
– Respectful
– Passionate
– Spiritual
– Supportive
– Creative
– Silly
– Rooted
– Open-minded
– Sets boundaries
– All in
– Independent
– Colourful
– Expansive
– Safe
– Adventurous
– Warm
– Empowering
– Soft and firm
– Inspiring
– Loyal

 

 

Answer:

 

It sounds like you’ve done some really important exploration of yourself and that the R list you’ve created is a powerful reminder to you. Wonderful! Are there 3 items from this list that you want to work on creating for yourself next? What are they? What actions would give you ample opportunity to create these results for yourself? If you aren’t certain, it’s okay to guess – trust your gut. You know yourself better than anyone.