Barrier to goal setting

Hi,

I have a couple of really workable and exciting goals, connected to my business. However, I am trying to overcome a barrier I have created, to move forward with a goal. It may well be a goal itself.

In a bid to be open and myself, before I aim to expand my business, I want to make it ‘public’ that I am Autistic (discovered 2 years ago). Something that with most clients and friends, I have hidden, out of fear of rejection. I now want to move past that, remove the shame and recognise the privilege I have in concealing it. Maybe bring awareness too.

I wrote a Blog about it, Really enjoyed writing it and felt more comfortable about the idea of sharing it this way, so readers have time to process and no pressure to respond.

I am spending much of my mental space on deciding whether to publish, and avoiding my goal setting. Here is some of my modelling:

C: written a Blog ‘why I don’t tell people I am Autistic.’
T: I want to publish it on my business website
F: scared
A: imagine lots of negative outcomes
Ruminate
Procrastinate
Hesitate
Edit and read over again and again
R: blog not published

C: Blog written
T: I want to publish it but there is no hurry
F: impatient
A: ruminate
Reread and edit the blog
Play out scenarios in my head
Feel deceptive by not disclosing in business meetings and situations
R: not pushing my business ideas as waiting to publish the Blog

C: written a Blog
T: once it is published there is no going back
F: terrified
A: wait and don’t put energy in to my goals
Feel dishonest
Struggle to focus on day to day interactions
R: not open about being Autistic

I want a R line along the lines of: I am Autistic and it doesn’t matter. Or is that a thought line? Will keep working on it, but just in a muddle.

Thank you

 

Answer:

These are great models. What would make them even more powerful is to ask yourself “Why?” on your thought line. For example, for the first one, why are you scared to publish it to your business website? That would be the thought to use.

The second one does not sound like a thought that would create impatience. Why when you think there is no hurry, do you feel impatient?

For the last model, what do you think of the R: I go back to being the person who fears disclosing being autistic?

I think it would help to explore your thoughts more. Here are some questions to consider:

• From the first model, what negative outcomes do you imagine? What are negative ones if you do not disclose?

• From model 2, what scenarios are you playing out? How may they be true? How may they not be true?

• For model 3, what is the problem if you can’t go back to being non-disclosed in regards to being autistic? How might this not be a problem?

What these questions do is help your brain see all sides. The brain likes to be right. Once it thinks something, it focuses on proving it correct. These questions help to challenge that.

I think the most important question is why do you want to share with people that you are autistic? When you think of that reason, how does that feel?

Notice how a lot of these models revolve around the reactions of others. They are the models of others: what others may think or do. Looking at your reasons will help you focus on the model that you have power over.

If you like your reasons and how it feels, then it is easier to accept the other feelings and do it anyway. This may mean that you like your reasons and how it feels and feel terrified. You may tell yourself, “Of course I feel terrified. I am thinking there is no going back, and I know I do not want that because [enter your reasons].” How does that feel?