Being kinder without shoulding myself

Hi coaches,
This week I had an experience when someone who I don’t know very well was incredibly kind to me. The experience was very impactful to me, in that I felt seen by this person and it really helped lift me up out of a moment where I was feeling vulnerable and hopeless. The whole interaction has stuck with me since it happened and has got me thinking about whether I am showing up and treating people with kindness. I think a lot of the time I’m going around with blinkers on and focused entirely on what needs to be done, and missing opportunities to have a positive impact on the people around me. My question is how can I be kinder without it coming from a place of shoulding myself or not being kind enough? Is it about being more open and noticing where people are at? If so, I’m not the best at picking up on subtle signals so how can I get better at that? Or is it about slowing down? I realise I’m coming up with my own suggestions as I write this, but some coaching would be much appreciated to help me explore this.

 

 

Answer:

What a beautiful goal to have. Why do you want to treat people with kindness? Why do you want to have a positive impact on people around you?  It may seem self explanatory, but I encourage you to really explore this a bit. Especially if you are worried about your motivations.

Dan Sullivan notes 4 stages for any goal: Commitment, courage, capability and confidence.  What this means is at first you might be doing it because you tell yourself to. It won’t feel natural. This is where you might actually allow some “shoulds.” It might be scary at times, but you do it anyway. With time and practice you’ll get better until it becomes a part of the way you interact with people.

You do have some great ideas here. What if you pick one and practice it?  Make an intentional model that will help you create a goal to work towards.

See what you come up with. We’re here to coach you as much as you need.