Being seen/heard at work

I am having difficulty overcoming nervousness in work meetings when it is my turn to speak. As soon as I’m in the meeting room sitting around a table with a group of people I feel activated and nervous in anticipation of having to say speak in front of the group. Sometimes to the point where my words run dry. Or other times I have things to share but stay quiet instead. Today I had to talk through some slides I had made but came away feeling like I didn’t get all the information across that I wanted to- because in that environment I find it hard to access all my thoughts so I didn’t go into things deeply and instead just said the minimum words and I feel like I failed to express my passion about things, which is what I really want to share at these meetings. Instead it felt heavy.
I also felt defensive when others were negative about things I had shared and spent time after thinking about how I want them to be more positive (but I think that’s for a separate model!)

This is the model that it I think it boils down to for me:
C: my turn to speak in a meeting
T: everyone’s attention is on me
F: nervous (activated)

I know this comes down to anxiety about being seen and heard and taking up space. And I’m on to myself about that . The creating safety and nervous system work has really helped me develop that awareness too and to be less judgey.
But every week I struggle in meetings, and spend time dreading them….

 

Answer:

We’re so glad to hear that the creating safety and nervous system work has been helpful for you. It’s a wonderfully powerful tool to return to.

Let’s complete the model that you started…

C: my turn to speak in a meeting
T: everyone’s attention is on me
F: nervous (activated)

A: Words run dry, have things to share but stay quiet instead, come away feeling like I didn’t get all the information across, find it hard to access my thoughts, say the minimum words, don’t express my passion about things

R: My attention is focused on me and what I’m doing wrong or poorly.

Can you identify what it is about everyone’s attention being on you that triggers you into an activated state? Another way to think about this is: what do you think it means that everyone’s attention is on you and why is that a problem? When you answer that question, it will give you insight into the thoughts that trigger this response in your body.

One thing that is lovely about the way Maisie teaches us about our nervous system is that it’s a ladder…which means we can climb it one rung at a time and transition gently up and down. Can you identify any thoughts that would soothe your nervous system and allow you the opportunity to take a step up the ladder?

Based on what you said, I could see an IM with this T in it:

C: my turn to speak in a meeting

T: I really want to share my passion about things

F:

A:

R:

What does the rest of this model look like? What kinds of bridge thoughts, or ladder thoughts can you find that will help you access this model incrementally?

Keep going with the creating safety and nervous system work – the worksheet that can be found here is so helpful for identifying triggers and glimmers, and help you identify when you go in and out of each state. We look forward to hearing more!