Being unable to hold my boundary

I am coming to a realisation that I cannot see a way of setting my boundary without having repercussions which become damaging to me.

I have recently posted on the FB group regarding a recent incident which is part of an ongoing problem I am having with a senior work colleague.

To summarise I am not happy to have individual discussions with my work partners outside of our monthly formal meetings regarding how we run our business. It has led to problems in the past, and in some instances to bad feeling when it is realised this has happened.

I have voiced my boundary, I have also put this in an email, and yet one person insists on doing this.

When I have restated this boundary the person has then gone to the other partners stating I am not supportive in listening to her, she has threatened to then resign and I am then being portrayed as an unsupportive person simply for adhering to my boundary.

This is the first time I have had to deal with this type of problem and I feel as though my two options are to either adhere to my boundary, lose the staff member and be viewed as the cause of losing someone we value, or not be true to myself and compromise the boundary. My current thought is that the second option may be the best and find ways of not commenting or playing an “I don’t know” answer when being asked about such things as the above until the meeting when I will then give my thought.
This feels dishonest to myself but I feel stuck

 

 

Answer:

Write down 25 other options you have, right now in this moment.  It doesn’t matter how outlandish or unrealistic they are. Your brain is stuck in all or nothing thinking and it’s just wrong. Why do you think there are only these two not great options available to you? Why do you think the only way to be true to yourself is to stick to what you said before? Look at what you’ve written and question everything. What is story? What is fact?

What do you know about you and who you are as a person and as a work partner? What are your values? What do you want to create at your job for yourself and those you interact with? The coolest thing about being an adult is you get to change your mind whenever you want, for whatever reason you want.

Ground yourself in who you are. Listen to your inner voice. Choose what emotion you want to come from. You’ll figure out what to do. Bring back anything that you want more coaching on.