Being unaware of my own emotions in a potentially hurtful situation II

Thank you so much for your input! The following came up in my thought download:

The situation reminds me of a frequent situation before we started the relationship. We were already in a friends-with-benefit situation. He was dating other girls during that time and also had sex with them. Multiple times he either arrived at my place directly after a date or left shortly before a date with another girl. For me that was totally fine. I was not ready to engage in an official relationship with him and he took my word for it. Back then I reacted the same way as I did now. I laughed about his stories, told him to have fun and said that it was totally fine for me. Had a friend told me the same stories I probably would have told her she deserves better.

What comes up thinking about all that is that I have a deep-seated belief that I have to take whatever I get and shouldn’t make any claims if I want someone to stay in my life. I think I have to comply and accept the behaviour of others I want to have in my life. If I make requests I lose the person as a friend (or partner).

When a situation arises where I think a behaviour might not be right I’ll just say yes nonetheless because I don’t trust my own judgement. I don’t trust my own values. I don’t enforce them in my closest relationships because I am afraid I will lose them. I think when a complex emotion shows up, I just shut down in the moment and laugh it off. There is so much fear involved, so my brain offers the most socially accepted behaviour. It’s the safe option to just smile and be nice.

In retrospect I wonder why I let myself be treated like that. I want to change that. I want to allow myself to reflect on the behaviour of people in my life and check in with myself. Am I ok with this behaviour? Do I want to be treated this way? Would I treat the person the same way?

What I want is to be aware of my worth and truly believe that I am worth being in someone else’s life. I want to believe that I can set boundaries, communicate my values and make sure I am treated with respect and appreciation. If the person is worthy of my time they will stay even if I set boundaries.

Any prompts for further inquiry are welcome!

 

 

Answer:

You’ve done some beautiful exploring here. Be sure to celebrate and give yourself the time, space and support you need as you process through it.

I want to be aware of my self worth.  What a powerful statement.

How can you start taking steps to be 1% more aware of your worth? Brainstorm ideas, open up to anything and everything. See what you find.