Being Very Reserved Around Men Part II

Hello, Thank you for your answer to my previous submission. I had two realizations. First, when I think “it is going to be awkward”, the result I create is indeed an awkward situation because I then behave awkwardly (I had actual proof of this!). Secondly, I think it would be really helpful to consider smaller steps that help me to become more open. I’ve realized that because I’ve been single for so long I put a lot of pressure on myself to be more open because I think I have to use every potential opportunity that there is because I have “missed” so many opportunities in the past and this creates even more resistance. It’s a complex situation and I find it really difficult to create an intentional model that serves me. I can’t even decide how I want to feel. I came up with calm, unbothered, centered, grounded, like myself and choose “grounded”. I also found it difficult to come up with a suitable thought.

A: a man could approach me
T: I will be myself
F: grounded
A: I behave like myself
R: I can handle and assess such situations

I would appreciate your answer. Thank you!

 

Answer:

I think this is wonderful introspection. Not knowing how you want to feel, and struggling to create a model that serves you are indicators of overwhelm to me. So, let’s take a deep breath, and start slow. There’s no need to rush this process, and right now you are exploring what is available to you and whether you like it – it doesn’t mean you have to do or feel anything.

Let’s start with these questions: what does grounded mean and look like to you? How would you know you were there? Think of the things your body would be telling you and how your brain would be behaving and decide whether that is something you want to experience when you interact with a man who approaches you. If it is, what practice can you try out to get familiar with feeling grounded in a safe, relaxed situation?