beneficial dynamics of large jumps in life

In her latest podcast episode, Maisie painted such a clear picture of the three phases of success and this helped me to map how I relate to each of them.
I want to create a beneficial dynamic for my big jumps in life and would love to get coaching on this.

Some conext: I´m doing great in the first two phases – the prep and the actual jump. But then I totally collapse after the jump. The clear vision I had during the prep phase and the structure and discipline that came easy to me in the jump phase are then followed by a void, where I don´t feel like doing anything and recover best by hiding away from the world in my beloved cave. Also, I noted that last time – after the biggest jump I made so far – I became somewhat reluctant to jumping at all. In a replay, Maisie pointed out how “the consequences of being in the zone where great stuff gets created” can affect one’s ability to actually get back into that zone. I totally get that – it´s like a protective response from the nervous system that wants to avoid another overload and the price that comes with it.

So, coming back to creating beneficial dynamics for big jumps: Looking back, I´m ok with the prep phase and am actually good at creating solid foundations for actual success. Also, I don´t start with the main jumping phase (let´s call it “acceleration and jump”) unless the arena is prepared for that. But then, during the acceleration and jump, I do lose balance. Interestingly, I´m doing well on sleep, nutrition, even the kind of exercise that is actually nourishing and balancing and not draining. Looking back, what had pushed me beyond my limits were actually family dynamics that came in on top of the planned load from all sides in the highest possible intensity – husband, father, mother. I had not budgeted for that nor was I able to shield myself from it.
In 1 out of the 3 cases I like my reasons, in 1 case I would insist on not being available and in the third case it would be a mix of better boundaries from my side and negotiating a middle ground of what works for both.

Noteworthy, I do enjoy “the zone” and can get lost in it for a long time without getting exhausted because I´m actually feeling entertained and relaxed, while creating high quality output at a remarkable speed. It´s not that I have to push myself – it´s rather that I am present and things happen through me, which feels greaceful and good. Also, I can care for myself well during this phase. Looking back, if the external world had not been there, I would have been fine. But it was there, the strain on my nervous system was real, so I was not fine once the jump was over. I had undergone so much friction to accelerate and jump that hat left its marks. Let´s say there was a storm in the arena and people where they are not supposed to be.
Looking at the jump phase – what could I do differently? 1. Boundaries. Communicate and execute the boundaries I need to “be in the zone” – friction-free (no visitors allowed in the arena). 2. Find common ground with my partner, that is doable for both of us. Not ideal, but doable for the time being. He felt very triggered by me basically being unavailable to him (or anyone). Let´s be honest – if my most important relationship is not in a good place, I´m not in a good place.
3. Reduce the intensity. I´m not sure I´m a fan of that for big jumps. There is a certain momentum when creating my best work comes very easy to me, it´s a flow state. Also, there is a deep presence involved and this is not a 9 to 5 thing. Things and ideas tend to take on their own life at some point, at their own time. We´re talking about big jumps here, not everyday work. It´s a bit like surfing. The swell must be there, the gear must be right, and I have to be in a physical and mental shape to go for it, and be there and have the time and space to do it. These circumstances don´t happen any day and I´m not in the suitable state any day. It has to come together to be possible and be fun (instead of having made the trip to the beach in vain, paddling in vain or even getting injured). you´re either there and ready for it – or you missed it and it´s not repeatable on demand.
When I evaluate this phase, the thing that I would absolutely change would be to have stellar boundaries to protect my state during the creation and also during refuelling and regenerating during the jump phase. And not deviate from that – everything else must wait. It´s not that this phase takes forever. It may be a couple of months in this intensity, but this is when it counts the most for me.

The third phase – riding away. This is a phase that I never even considered to be a phase and I am so glad that Maisie provided an upgrade to my understanding. I used to be exhausted (no surprise) and be in the opposite extreme of the previous phase. Thus, a prolonged phase of not wanting to do anything, just winding down and resting deeply. Looking back, the problem was that I was struggling with accepting my intuition of how I recover best – also in an extreme state – as being real and paramount. Therefore, I was doing it, but not deliberately going for it 100% for long enough and also expecting myself to spend more time with friends, partner, family at the expense of deep rest. Also, I felt somewhat frustrated that I actually was not “back to normal” sooner – hence I had clearly not planned for this “riding away” phase. This perceived gap of where I was vs. where I had expected myself to be was the thing that held me back the most. This created stress and distrust in myself and made me leave my resting state to early and often, also not guarding it enough against FOMO. Instead of getting what I need when I need and moving on from there.
Looking back at the jump phase and the riding away phase, I see how I could improve several things to have a much better experience in both stages. Most importantly, I see how I had allowed circumstances in my life that were very draining on top of an intense work situation and that this combination was very damaging. Also, I had not fully taken stock of myself after the jump and had not fully acknowledged the height of it nor the adverse circumstances. While I had budgeted for a recovery phase, I had not really made a proper plan for it. I had not kept my eyes on the horizon and did not ride away, so to speak. I realize that I also felt a lack of direction after the jump, plus felt anger and dissappointment towards the family members who boycotted me having a good run, and disconnection for lack of support and empathy.

This evaluation helps me to put the height and circumstances in perspective. Certainly not something ordinary and not something I want to be doing all the time. Also, this provides me with a better idea of what to emphasize to be ok during – and after – a big jump.

So, my next questions are: how I want to celebrate this high jump? What is my unique way of honouring this experience? And what do I need to integrate this remarkable experience fully? It is important to me to make its something empowering because it has been so ambivalent – lots of good but also lots of bad. I feel like it has cost me a lot and I don´t feel like I fully integrated this expericen
I´d love your coaching on this – thank you for your valuable guidance.

 

 

Answer:

Love that this concept has resonated with you and given you a powerful way to look at what’s happening. As with any new idea, there is lots to learn as we apply it.  How can you set yourself up to explore how you want to celebrate it? What feeling would you choose to drive you to continue integrating fully?  How will you know when that has happened?

I would gently offer that you notice this pattern of getting excited, going for something, and then feeling a bit stuck may be coming up in your final questions as well.

As Maisie said: “When you bring all these phases together, you create a sustainable rhythm. It’s not about getting stuck in one phase or certainly not forcing yourself to move through them faster. It’s just about knowing how to cycle through them again and again in a way that works for you.”

How can you give yourself space to learn and apply this in your own way?