Black and white thinking with alcohol

I gave up drinking 3.5 years ago and have been really happy with this decision for most of this time. I’ve experienced a lot of growth and learnt better coping mechanisms to sit with my emotions and communicate my feelings without relying on alcohol. More recently, I’ve been doubting whether sobriety is still the right choice. This is potentially influenced by lots of weddings and other social occasions after the pandemic. I’ve been in situations where it’s felt more uncomfortable to be sober. It’s the first time that I have really had doubts and I am unsure if these are old thought habits coming back in or whether sobriety is actually no longer serving me.

I’m stuck between two models and unsure if I am holding myself to perfectionist standards with total abstinence and whether it is actually kinder to myself to allow myself to experience some of the fun that can come with drinking in a healthy way? I don’t know if sobriety is still the kindest thing to do for myself as I want to work on black and white thinking. It’s something that comes up in other areas of my life. I’m unsure if I will be able to moderate if I drink again or if it is a bad idea to return to something that I used as an unhealthy coping mechanism. I wouldn’t do this with other drugs that I know are bad for my mental health. But I do feel like alcohol can be a form of fun and connection, which I do miss.

Conflicting models that all feel true in some ways:

C – questioning sobriety
T – I deserve to experience the fun that can come with drinking
F – disappointment
A – waste time thinking about drinking
A – avoid some social situations
A – compare myself to others that are able to moderate
R – miss out on or don’t enjoy some social situations
R – feel disconnected to people

C – questioning sobriety
T – maybe I can moderate now
T – i won’t know unless i try
F – curious
A – questioning myself
R – stuck in indecision
R – not feeling present in the moment

C – questioning sobriety
T – i don’t need to drink anymore
F – proud
A – reflect on how much sobriety has helped me grow
A – gratitude for the small things
A – compassion for myself
R – feel motivated to continue with sobriety

 

Answer:

Situations don’t make you feel uncomfortable. Being sober doesn’t make you uncomfortable. Your thoughts do. You’ve got some solid models on your thoughts about drinking, I would offer that a better place to look is your thoughts about yourself. Think about the last event where you noticed a desire to drink. What was happening in your head? Do a thought download with no editing and no judgement. You could also explore some models that begin with

C: I notice I’m thinking I want to have a drink

What do you think about yourself when that happens?

See what comes up and bring back your questions or models.