Body acceptance ladder thoughts

My goal is to accept my body shape whatever it is. I love and accept many aspects of myself like my skills, brain, personality, humour etc., but I have always struggled with my body shape, sometimes more and sometimes less.

During the pandemic I have gained weight and now feel quite low sometimes, overly concerned with my body shape and just don’t like my big belly. At times I make it mean a lot of negative things about me (I’m a failure, people won’t like and accept me, I should be slim, etc.) . On top of aesthetics, I am also slightly concerned with my health from the extra weight and how it impacts certain activities I like to do. But if I’m honest, how my body looks is my main issue. On a side note, I’m also embarrassed about being such a cliché of a woman who thinks she’s too fat…

I don’t want to go on a restrictive diet or exercise excessively as I just don’t fancy it, don’t think these strategies work longterm, and also because I have a history of disordered eating. So I don’t want to want to lose weight. But of course, weight loss is often on my mind as a hidden goal that I don’t want to have. I’m trying to accept that my brain sometimes has this hidden goal but that it is not a problem. When I do notice it I’ll acknowledge it, tell myself that this is to be expected, but not helpful, and that it will pass.

I’ve done a fair few models, and am now working on ladder thoughts to eventually get to my intentional model.

I would like some practical advice on the ladder thoughts. They tend to be more about the bits of me that I already accept, so how do I bring my body into them and get closer to the goal thought? And how do I know I’m ready for the next step of the ladder?

Many thanks!

When I’m low I’m in this model:

C: my body
T: only if I’m thin, I’ll be liked and accepted

F: Failure, hopeless

A: online shopping, want to hide, don’t do social things where I’m seen, socialise less, watch lots of TV and scroll, hide my body in baggy clothes, think about my body shape, size and weight a lot, check myself in mirrors a lot, hold in belly

R: I don’t like myself

I would like to be in this model (my goal):
C: my body

T: I like and accept my body

F: joyful

A: go out, be active, socialise, dress in a fun way

R: I don’t need others to like and accept me because I like and accept all of myself.

Ladder thoughts:

I love many parts of myself

I love most parts of myself

I like the package

I don’t need to be thin

I don’t need to be beautiful

I don’t need to be perfect

 

Answer:

There is so much self-awareness in your question here. I hope that you can see and honour that – it’s a very open place to start working on your goal.

Before I dive into answering your question about ladder thoughts, I want to invite you to think about what your definition of acceptance is and get very clear about what it means for you at this time if you haven’t already. Here are a few questions that may help inform your definition:

• What would you be thinking if you accepted your body no matter its size?

• Can you accept something and dislike it at the same time? Why or why not?

• What (if anything) does acceptance have to do with unconditional self-love in your mind?

About ladder thoughts…it’s hard for anyone but you to say whether you know you’re there or not. I think the tell-tale sign, however, is how you feel when you think those thoughts. Can you identify what kinds of feelings would signify to you that you’re living into them? What feelings might signify that you’re not there quite yet?

For example:

T: I love most parts of myself 

F: Aligned vs. Misaligned or Pride vs. Shame

T: I don’t need to be perfect

F: Relief vs. Disbelief or Freedom vs. Confusion

Something to consider with the ladder thoughts that you created is how (or where) each of these thoughts listed is like an actual rung on the ladder of your goal. How do the last three thoughts fit on the ladder? I’m wondering if you think these build on the first three thoughts you identified? I can see how they are related, but I wonder if they actually move you up your proverbial ladder.

What do you think? Do you see any room for fine tuning these last three thoughts?

We’d love to know what you discover and create. Come back for more coaching when you’re ready.