Boundaries at work part 2

Well, its not exactly what happened. As soon as she left, and i took some time to compose myself I could focus on work, be efficient using MY METHOD, and be content executing the task requested. I think what is mainly triggering me is the fact that i feel that she is talking AT me, she doesn’t give me any choice than to listen her especially since she is my manager/ authority. And sometimes its not even about her being stressed, and putting her stress on me, its just about information that she feels the need to give me despite the fact that I absolutely dont care!

So the model would be more like that

C: my manager shares informations with me for a x amount of time

T: this information isn’t useful to me

F: oppressed

A: rage, i have to get out, distance myself before to lash out

R: stop making eye contact with her, leaving the room or starting to be snappy and straightforward telling her that it isnt my job to do this or that … finding excuses to not do what she says, ignoring her and taking distance.

“If you want the result of being focused, effective and content, how could you create that even if you boss never changes at all? “

I actually managed to do that by going away from her. It was enough.

The next day i did actually told her that I didn’t need to know the information that she wanted to share with me and it seems that since she has found out how to communicate with me; clear, short and simple and to the point focusing on solutions. She even asked me if she could share her solution! I felt so more relaxed and able to hear her! She understood that i wasn’t like my colleague who like to chat with her for a while to feel special, and like being kept in the loop…

But what im mainly concerned for myself is how quickly i can react when I feel that someone is talking AT me. If im not interested, and that the person doesn’t leave me any other choice than to listen to them, the feeling of rage and oppression is so intense.

C: someone speak AT me

This isnt a factual circumstances, is it?

Is this one better?

C: feeling that someone is talking at me

T: im trapped

F: panic/oppressed

A: my brain freeze

R: leave asap

—————-

C: feeling that someone is talking at me

T: Barbara, set boundaries !

F: confident, in charge of my well being

A: saying to the person: “sorry to interrupt but im not interested to hear about that. I’m going to leave now”

R: feeling released, safe, adult.

But it so hard sometimes to stop people talking. They dont give you any chance to interrupt them!

 

Answer:

Good job looking at your C in a different light. You could even make it more factual by saying: Notice the thought: I’m being talked at. Then, what do you think about noticing that thought, and fill in the rest of the model. I’d love for you to explore this idea of an interruption. What do you think about interrupting, and what do you think it means about a person (or about you) when they interrupt? Why is it a problem that they aren’t providing you an opportunity to interrupt? Come back for more coaching when you’re ready.