Boundaries with family

Hi there,

I’m new but I’m going to have a go at using the model that youve described above which i feel i understand more now after watching the Unlocking the power of Autumn call and maisie explains it on a slide. But i may get it wrong and need some help…

So at current…

Thought: “I am overwhelmed” “I dont want to be here anymore/thoughts of suicide” “my life is a mess” “I am selfish” “I am a bad daughter/sister/person.”

Feeling: Huge amount of guilt, upset- tears, anxiety, low mood, anger

Action: Communicating with family members, dad, brother and mum that I need physical and emotional space from them in order to get well, and requesting that they do not contact me unless in an emergency.

Listening to decision making section on autumn call has supported me to realise that i have already decided that i want to take physical and emotional space from my family. This feels extremely difficult as my dad recently received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis and was institionalised in a care home and i know that he really wants to see me .

My question is how can I communicate my needs to my family in an empowered way and have I used the model right.

I had to work backwards filling out the action first, is this correct?

Many thanks Star team,
Im new and this is already supporting a lot and ive already noticed my thought patterns change and the self coaching coming in 🙂

 

 

Answer:

First of all, if you (or anyone reading this) is having suicidal thoughts or considering suicide, seeking out professional support from a therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor is ALWAYS the first and most important step. Have you been in touch with a medical professional?If you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please call the Samaritans on 116 123 or your country’s emergency number.You can find crisis services in your country here https://www.iasp.info/crisis-centres-helplines/You can also text Shout on 85258 (if you are in the UK), the Suicide & Crisis Helpline on 988 (if you are in America)

Welcome to TFC. We are so glad you’re here. If you’ve made your decision, make a list of all the reasons why you want to take some space from your family. Pick 1-3 reasons that really resonate with you that you believe and then hold onto them as you communicate with them and as you move forward. They may not agree with your choice. They may have thoughts and feelings. That’s ok. It’s often very hard for the people around us when we start taking responsibility for ourselves. Keep going back to your reasons and your goal.

As you build an intentional model you can start with the result you want. Then fill in the rest of the model in any order you like. It’s a tool for exploration. Here’s an outline you can follow as you get started.

C: communication with my family

T: What do you need to think to create this feeling?

F: How do you need to feel to complete these actions?

A: what do you need to do to make this happen?What do you need to NOT do?  include self coaching

R: I share my decision in an empowered way (start here and move up)