Boundaries with Family on Holiday

I am preparing for a trip next week with my immediate family. I will also be spending plenty of time with my extended family, whom I haven’t seen in years. I have very strong mixed feelings about this. I am excited to finally get to spend quality time together and make up for lost times, but I am also nervous about being overly stimulated due to the lack of alone time I’ll get (which is when I tend to regulate myself). I am also cognizant of the gap between my boundary needs and my families’ understanding of healthy boundaries, which can lead to circumstances where I am emotionally triggered and reactive.

Given that this is the first time I’ll be in this situation since joining the Collective, I figured I would try and use an intentional model to guide myself through the ups and downs of this vacation.

Unintentional Model:

C: Out of my regular routine due to spending all week in the presence of my family.
T: My diet, sleep and emotional routine will be thrown off and I will be unable to take care of myself and/or enjoy this important reunion with my loved ones.
F: Anxious, beginning to dread the vacation all-together
A: Not present and engaging in procrastination and buffering in other areas of my life (work, conversations with friends, etc.)
R: Chest tightness, poor sleep in anticipation of the vacation

(Aspirational) Intentional Model, first establishing the Result I would like to see:

C: Same as above
T: (I may not be able to rely on my regular coping tools, but I can find alternative but similar mechanisms such as going for a 10-minute walk on my own when I feel overwhelmed, or ensuring I am starting my day with a meal that balances my blood sugar)
F: (Curious and slightly optimistic about the possibilities of how this trip could go, as opposed to making rigid assumptions about it in advance)
A: (Regular, honest, and open-hearted check-ins with myself to understand my needs)
R: I am able to navigate the ups and downs of this experience by remaining in tune with my needs and having trust in myself that I can respond to whatever circumstance arises accordingly.

Would love to get thoughts on my approach!

 

Answer:

I think these models are wonderful. I think what’s most excellent is that in your IM, you allow yourself to navigate the ups and downs of your experience starting now. The next thing to consider is what your plan is going to be for hard days. Let’s anticipate that there will be moments or days you feel overwhelmed, or that you don’t have a good meal to start a day…how will you navigate this? What are your anticipated roadblocks and what are your strategies to cope with these? What’s important for you to remember when you have off days? Nice work. You’re doing big things. Come back for more coaching when you’re ready.