Boundaries with myself

My partner works away for a few weeks and then is back for a few weeks. I have always been a messy person and I struggle to keep the house tidy when he is away. Some parts of this I don’t mind as I believe a house needs to be lived in. However aspects of this are getting me down as I think it’s verging on lack of self respect. He usually keeps the house tidy because he’s better at it than me. I’ve always been bad at it. I can see there are some thought errors there. Tidying does take me longer and it makes me dysregulated.

I’ve also been feeling tired because I’m not putting myself to bed. I get stuck on my phone or watching TV. My partner usually helps me go to bed by physically taking my phone off of me. I can tell I’m doing this to avoid feeling some emotions. Which is ironic because my 30 day goal is to experience and process my emotions.

Perhaps I am missing him and so am acting out the things he’d usually be here to help me with? I want to be a fully functioning adult without him though and there’s a lot of self judgement happening and disappointment.

I’m stuck in a rut and I’d love some coaching to help me to move myself out of it!! Thank you.

 

Answer:

I want you to go back through what you’ve written and separate out what is thought and what is fact.  Right now you’re presenting this like it’s just the truth, but it’s not. It’s your interpretation. This is the best news, because it means you can start feeling better even without changing anything.  Then if/when you do want to make changes, you’ll be able to come at it from a much more powerful place.

What if you are a fully functioning adult right now? How is that true?  What if the way you are is just as worthy as someone who chooses to spend their energy tidying? Do a bit of exploring there and see what comes up.

So many times we think we need to change from a place of being not enough. Let’s try loving you first and see what happens.