bounderies at work

My manager ask me to execute a simple task but feels the need to explain me, for a relatively long time, the political back story of the company that is stressing her out.

T shut up , leave me to work, i dont need that information.
F oppressed, it drive me crazy
A finding a way to distance myself from her
R im upset and feels i will blow up if i can’t distance myself from her talking at me.

C
T ?
F relief
A ask her to come to me with only one sentence explaination!
R im focus, effective and content

I’m really surprised about how much this is affecting me. i litterary feel being kept hostage from her talking, and dumping her stress into me, my blood is boiling and I just want to screem at her and tell her to shut up and never have to see her again 😳

 

Answer:

Your manager’s behaviour tells you about her, nothing else. As you noticed, she’s sharing because she is stressed out. The only reason it is affecting you so much is that you are making it mean something about you. Let’s look at what’s happening in a model.

C: boss says words for x minutes

T: I can’t get to work

F: oppressed

A: rage inside myself, wish she would leave, blame my feelings on her, blame my inability to work on her, want to lash out at her but keep it inside, don’t communicate, don’t take care of myself, less focused on my tasks after she leaves

R: I don’t get to work

Can you see how you are making yourself miserable at your job? It’s easy to blame your boss but it feels terrible. In your second model, you want to tell her to change her behaviour so you can feel better. She does not create how you feel. You do, with your thoughts. Some people might like the boss to come and chat with them for a while. They might think they were special, in the loop and that the boss trusted them with information.

If you want the result of being focused, effective and content, how could you create that even if you boss never changes at all? This is why a factual circumstance is so important, make sure you don’t try to put a nice thought on what you think is a negative circumstance. Be curious and compassionate with yourself as you explore this. Please bring any questions or  models back for more coaching