Breaking cycles of avoiding – part II

Hello – just did an ask a coach on breaking cycles of avoiding and you posed the idea of not doing something as more of an avoidance of what you think you will experience when you do something or work on a goal – so this is a reflection on that question for my 30 day goal (alignment of inner and outer world) but also something I feel like I’ve been avoiding for years (thinking about my career and progression)

what don’t you want to experience when you are putting energy into your goal / what will you think you will experience?
– I think I’ll experience that I am not aligned with my inner and outer worlds
– I think I’ll find out that I don’t know myself best
– I think I’ll not like the emotions that I find within myself
– I don’t want to have to act on any emotions
– It’s ‘safer’ to not feel anything – then I can’t know I should be doing anything differently!
– conflict avoidant – I don’t want to feel hurt by someone
– what if I can’t forgive / move past things?
– To feel strongly feels big – (but what if I just need to feel the hurt etc and then I can thank it for being there and let it move on)
– I have a past or feel like I have a past of either not interacting with emotions or being consumed by them (and have had multiple instances of PTSD build up from in the effort to ‘control’ my emotions, e.g. don’t think about it, the emotion is still there so I have erratic sensations which I can’t pinpoint to an emotion, and then I am forced to face the emotions and I am fixated by them)
– I also have had periods of dissociation and real disconnect from myself and my emotions – I don’t want to find out I’m broken somehow

what don’t I want to experience when being curious about my interests both as hobbies and work-related ideas (currently in teacher but not sure if want to stay in profession or not)
– I simultaneously don’t and do want to find out I want to stay / leave teaching
– staying in teaching is ‘stable’/‘boring’/‘convince choice’/‘I didn’t choose it when I first was applying for jobs’/‘I won’t enjoy it in other settings, e.g. working at different schools etc’/‘I’ll never reach my full potential’/‘I could be doing so much more / using my brain so much more’
– I also have some positive narratives in teaching, when I ignore the idea of thinking about leaving I genuinely enjoy the work, being around children, falling in love with my subject again
– leaving teaching is ‘terrifying’/‘not stable’ / ‘feels like an abyss’ / ‘ have no idea what I’m doing’ / ‘worried I won’t ever find what I want to be doing’ / ‘scared I’ll find out I’m a boring person who doesn’t like anything and doesn’t have a passion’ / ‘scared I won’t make enough money to support myself’
– I think there is a quiet intrigue with what I could do

*notice a lot of thought errors with career thoughts

I don’t know how much I need to help my mind be less black and white with this and work through fear
Vs do it anyway – what is it? I feel so powerless with this part of my life, I just want to stick my head in the sand forever and stay in the same job and be stable – there is so much fear around staying and going and I just think I’ll never find what is right for me

 

 

Answer:

It sounds like it makes a lot of sense that you’re afraid to look at your career progression right now. How can you give yourself compassion in this season of your life? You were never supposed to do anything differently than you did. You weren’t supposed to make different choices.  How do I know that? Because that’s what you did. Avoidance has worked for you in the past.  What would it be like to wrap past you in a big, warm fuzzy blanket of compassion?

AND You are still powerful. You still get to choose. What do you know about what you want? What story are you telling about yourself. For example: you want to stay in your job and have stability. So, what? Why do you think that’s sticking your head in the sand? Where is this judgement coming from? Be gentla as you explore. There’s no rush. Just keep taking little steps. You can do this.