Breaking My Limitations

I’m in a loop right now I would like help with. Part of my autumn goal was to invest in myself more and for part of that I wanted to get better at shopping. It’s something that for some reason, I’m not sure why, has become difficult over the last few years.

I’ve been working on this since I joined The Flow Collective but I now feel like the gap is widened again, but in a new way. So I’m in a better place in terms physically buying something (waking to the till, being at the till and paying or online getting to the checkout and paying) I don’t get as hot and as panicky as I used to get. It doesn’t feel ok all the time, but it’s less frequent.

However, I now find myself wanting things but not allowing myself something or talking myself out of it. There’s a lack of trust and permission and I wish I knew why. It’s something I’ve been trying to work on since I joined The Flow Collective. It feels really frustrating in the aftermath of wanting and nearly getting it, but in the moment that feeling is fear. Or maybe even denial, denial that I’m allowed things despite having made sure I have money for these things by building a separate spending pot for clothes. I know that money won’t last forever but maybe there’s a worry that more money won’t come or something unexpected will come up I need that money for despite my savings being separate.

Maybe there’s an element of control here – if I don’t spend it, I can control it. It’s still sitting there. Although the consequence of that is my missing out on things I would like for myself to feel good about myself. And in the grand scheme of things life is too short for that and I know deep down in years to come I will regret holding myself back like this.

I want to question how I stopped denying myself things because it isn’t feeling nice anymore.
Like it’s been really hot recently and I’ve struggled because I don’t have many summer clothes so I’m been wearing the couple of dresses I have or the same couple of tops with my jeans. Fortunately I WFH so I’ve got away with OJ shorts and a semi decent top, but that doesn’t make me feel good in myself.
The other week I told myself that if it’s going to keep being hot I’m going to need clothes to get through the hot weather; I never brought them!!

Anyway, the main reason I am really wanting to work on this again is because in September I am taking part in a photoshoot with work. I’m not being photographed, I’ll be working behind the scenes, but I would like some comfortable clothing to work in. Plus on one of the days I have to go from the photoshoot to a PR event so I want to look and feel good but comfortable.
I have this idea of buying an elasticated pair of jeans with a loose fitting T-shirt I have seen online.
A couple of things on my mind:
1. I won’t know if I like this outfit until I try it on, but I’m running out of time to order it, try it and keep/see if I need to try something else.
2. What if I should buy a cheaper pair of jeans? (the pair I’ve seen are £100 but potentially could be worn in the winter also). Maybe I need to look around for cheaper alternatives and try them on. But then once I start looking around I get overwhelmed by choice and so end up buying nothing.
3. What if I buy these items and then regret it after a while of owning them? I know I can just sell them but then I worry that next time I go to buy something this will happen again. On the buying front I’ve been trying to challenge, I’ve brought a couple of things I’m now unsure about and I worry it’ll happen again > I know all of this is my brain convincing me things have to be permanent when they don’t, nothing is. I feel like my brain can’t comprehend how I don’t lose money by buying something, I exchange it for something else. And potentially something else that will make me feel good about myself.

I don’t know how to give myself the permission and I feel on a deadline, so it’s something I’m thinking about every day. I know only I can give myself the permission but I feel like I’m fighting it right now. I had a thought the other day when I journaled about this “I would like to enjoy my clothes” and it felt great at the time but I just can’t break through this at the moment and would like help with this please.

 

Answer:

 

Let’s step into the version of you that has already purchased the outfit and is going from the photoshoot to the PR event. What piece of advice would this future version of you have to offer the current version of you about how to navigate this current situation? Are there any alternative methods that future you would like to offer current you for how to make this purchase? What did future you thank current you for doing? What does future you want current you to remember at this time?

Notice how your inner wisdom comes through here – how can it guide you through this right now? Come back with your realizations and questions and let’s keep coaching.