Bringing up pay chat again

Hi,
I asked my boss at a part-time job I have (they’re one of my freelance clients) for a pay rise before xmas. It came after a long time of feeling resentful that i was under-charging, because I had just started freelancing and when I set my rate it didn’t include all of the other self-employed things you add on like holidays and tax etc… So I realised I was undercharging massively on an old staff rate from 4 years ago………
They said no to the pay rise I asked for, which was a big jump, but did up my pay by a smaller amount. They said we could re-assess this in the new tax year… and now it”s here, I’m scared to bring it up again!
After the last convo we had – mainly over email – I made it mean a lot about myself: that they weren’t seeing me as valuable or worth this money… and used it to beat myself up / think it knocked my confidence.
I also noticed in the last few months that she was quite critical of my work, more than usual, and I felt like she was trying to show me that I’m not worth more – but i don’t know obviously! Either way our relationship had felt strained.
Plus, I can imagine she felt wary of me, in case I would leave etc, and I know she needs me on a project that we’ve been launching together.
Things have improved recently. But I’m scared to shake things by asking again….
However, I know that if I don’t bring it up, she won’t offer it. I would like to reframe it more neutrally this time. Not make the answer mean anything about my worth. And have a solid case for asking – I did last time, but I’m not sure I fully believed it, so maybe it’s about really believing my worth??? And selling it to myself? I’d also like to help her feel more comfortable, in that I’m saying I would like to continue, love working here, but can we discuss updating my day rate to what is fair etc. I bring so much value to this etc…
Do you have any tips on approaching this convo again – but also getting over my fears about doing so, that it will set me back again?
(A part of this is that I hoped I’d have new clients when we had this chat, but i don’t yet, so I feel like I need them too… and it’s scary to disrupt it without a safety net. I’m paid monthly by them without a contract).
Thank you

Answer:

Here are some questions to get you started:

What’s the reason you want to have this conversation?
What result do you want to create for yourself by opening the door? Notice whether your boss shows up in your R line – if she does, revisit the desired result. Only you can be in your R line.
What is factual about this situation? What I can see is that you said you would have this conversation again in the new tax year. If this is simply following up on that, would that change how you approach this? What else is a fact (think numbers, time, etc.).

You are deserving of being compensated well for your work. Your worth is set. If you believed this was true, how would you get to your desired R line?