Building a healthy relationship

I am really committed to working through thoughts, behaviours and patterns so that I can continue to build a loving, respectful and healthy romantic relationship with my partner.

I’ve noticed an underlying thought/belief I have about me being a “bad partner” and putting my partner slightly on a pedestal. I have been recognising that because I am critical of myself that when I talk about him being a great partner I am framing myself as a not so good partner.

I have build an unintentional model to reflect this thought:

C: My actions in romantic relationship
T: I would have ended things with me if I was him
F: Pity
A: Provoke him to see if he will call me out, be highly critical of myself for any small behaviour which I deem “bad”, be hypervigilant of my behaviour and words towards my partner, put him on a pedestal and label myself as toxic, make myself small
R: I don’t show up as the partner I want to be and know I can be

Even writing this out I feel shame and embarrassment to even admit that I act in this way. He is an incredibly patient, kind, gentle and loving person and I guess the ultimate fear is I’m not good enough. I am fed up of believing that and I want to shatter those old limiting beliefs. Thank you for the coaching.

 

Answer:

 

This space is where you can come as all of you without criticism or judgment. We are complex creatures and we all have work to do. Right now this is the work that you’re diving into. We accept you as you are, even though shame and embarrassment can tell you otherwise. With that, lets start shattering some beliefs.

Everything we do habitually we do because it serves us in some way. What is it about staying in this model that fills a need for you, or gives you something that you want? Be patient and gentle with yourself – this is hard work and it deserves to be handled with loving kindness.