Call with Mars

Hi, I was on the call with Mars (Rachel towards the end) and while I have been going through her questions afterwards and putting my busy business etc into the model something unexpected came up for me. It is true my business is in a moment of extreme demand and really necessary work has to be done. But what I have realized is that maybe these last few months staying busy every second of the day has let me avoid fully grieving my father who died 4 months ago. When I think of facing it I just can’t, there was too much trauma and pain. I can’t even look at the year of doctors and pain and misery, or when he died holding my hand and I literally washed his body and sewed him up into a sheet to be buried in the way he wanted. I guess I am facing that, I did just write it here, but I can’t imagine accepting that he’s actually dead. So I don’t know what my question is. What model does driving myself so hard like this to avoid that go in?

 

 

Answer:

Staying busy with work is a very normal reaction to grief, as is compartmentalizing and not being able to truly wrap your head around your father’s death. As you’re coming to a place where you notice this happening, be careful not to judge yourself for it. Your brain is doing exactly what it needed to do to help you through this time. Thank it for that. Notice how staying busy at work has been a good thing for you. You weren’t ready to face what has happened and that’s ok. It sounds like you are now feeling like it’s time to start.

You may want to figure out the model that is driving this but it’s not really necessary. What’s important now is to have compassion for you.

C: I have been working x hours since my father died

T: What do you want to think about this circumstance that will help you feel compassion?

F:compassion

A: how would you treat yourself if you felt this way? What would you do or not do?

R: What result do you want for you as you continue navigating living with grief?

See what comes up and know that we are here to support you. You’re not alone in your pain. Be patient with yourself. There’s no rush, you can’t do grief wrong.