Cancelling last minute

Hi Team,

I often become conflicted when cancelling appointments last minute. In the last 2 years I have done it more often and practised to listen to myself more. Often I do want to cancel, however I still dont feel confident about it. This is a recent example

C Tonight I am invited to a birthday, and I dont want to go anymore
T I should go because xyz
F conflicted
S tense in chest
A procrastinating in indecision
R several hours spent in freeze

C Tonight I am invited to a birthday and I dont want to go anymore
T I am allowed to cancel
F relieved
S loose
A cancelling and moving on with my day
R doing things I actually want to do

So when I do the models it feels almost a little too easy and really obvious what I want to do.
Where I still get stuck is the “reasons why I should go” as they seem really powerful- I dont think I like them but maybe you can help – and I like the reasons why I dont want to go.

I should go because´
– i cancelled last time
– i said I would go
– I am expected to go
– my partner was looking forward to going and doesn’t want to go without me

I wanted to go
– because I know it would make my friend happy
– because I get to talk to my friend in a group setting, who i haven’t talked to in a long time and where i have found 1-1 meetings a little too much
– because I get to see a high number of friends and catch up
– maybe it would energise my brain

I dont want to go anymore
– Its CD 1 and i dont want to see anyone
– I have the worst period cramps in a year
– i have to get up at 3am for a flight to London
-I want to save as much energy as possible and look after myself

The coaching I would like is on how to faster move out of the conflicted Freeze part and move into decision-making.
And then on how to deal with possible rejection and feeling “selfish”?

I also remember that we talk about “liking our reasons” for decisions in the collective and I wondered if you can help me with some guidance on what we mean by that and how we use this as well.

thanks !

 

 

Answer:

Great self coaching! Here’s what I see that you might not have since you’re in the middle of it all.  Your brain thinks feeling confident=not feeling uncomfortable.

What if you just allowed for it to be uncomfortable if you cancel last minute? Can you be confident and conflicted at the same time?

I would also offer that if you want to move through this faster, you could choose other uncomfortable emotions to hold space with your confidence. What else could you let yourself feel instead of conflicted? When we do it on purpose, it can actually feel very empowering.

The same goes for feeling selfish. Lean into it. Can you own being selfish? Do some journaling about what beliefs you have around the word, and what you want it to mean for you.

You get to choose which reasons you like. There are no rules. Your reasons are always good enough. You can check out the How to Make any Decision webinar in the replays for more direction. What we want to do is own our decisions. It’s the difference between “I can’t cancel last minute, I already said I would go!” which feels {insert emotion word}  and “I know what is best for me in this moment” which feels {insert emotion word}   It’s moving from being a victim of your circumstances to the hero of your own story. See what comes up as you explore this and bring back any more questions and models.