Can’t get excited about things when there a no/vague plans

I’ve just done some models in the moment around a circumstance and have come to a realisation while doing it that I’d like to model on but I’m not sure how to make it specific enough.

The models I came up with are:

UM
C: no room on the car ferry to IOW for Christmas
T: if we’d booked this when I wanted to this wouldn’t have happened
F: frustrated
A: massive urge to say ‘I told you so/similar’ but didn’t
A: think about all the other times when planning has been an issue in our relationship
A: think about how much better I feel about things when I plan them (even if they change in the end, there’s a guide)
A: keep quiet and don’t say anything to avoid an argument about planning (again)
A: not look forward to Christmas
R: ?

IM
C: no room on the car ferry to IOW for Christmas
T: there are other solutions, we can still go
F: relieved
A: ask bf to call his friend to see if we can jump in his car with him
A: start thinking of how to pack light in case we don’t have a car to go in
A: start to look forward to Christmas again
R: we can still go

The realisation I came to in doing this exercise is that I find it hard to get excited about something until there’s some sort of plan in place. I don’t need it to be rigid, or planned to infinite detail, and I don’t mind so much if plans change. We’ve known we were going to my partners mum’s on the IOW for ages, and I’ve been getting increasingly stressed about not having the ferry booked or even the exact dates we’re going because it fills up quickly and I don’t want to carry all my stuff on public transport if I can help it.

My partner on the other hand says that he ‘doesn’t want to plan his whole life’ when I mention about planning things in advance. This is not my intention and I struggle with how to deal with his seemingly all or nothing thinking at times. I’d like to model on this but I’m not really sure where to start. How do you do it when it covers lots of different situations?

Ths bones of it I have are:

I feel like I’m being a problem trying to plan things (wait that’s a thought) which makes me feel abnormal maybe. Over the top? Rigid?

I know I can’t change his all or nothing thinking (I say this because I have lots of evidence of things he’s said that’s very black or white).

I feel like it’s all too broad to pin down into a model before I work on how I can work with his Human-ing and also mine. I know I don’t want to change the level of comfort/safety I find in my level of planning, but I’d like to find better thoughts to deal with the difference in my partner and my views on it.

 

 

Answer:

You wanted to book it, he didn’t.  Why didn’t you book the ferry? You don’t need to do a model yet, just get curious, open up and do a thought download. See what comes out and how you feel as you look through what you’ve written.

It’s not really about your partner, it’s about you. It would be so much easier if they would just change, but it’s so much more powerful to just notice that ther is a reason we do everything.  How did it serve you to not book the ferry?