Career next steps

Four years ago, I left my career – I was a school leader and had been leading primary schools usually in particularly challenging circumstances. I was completely exhausted (working 70+ hours a week and dealing with increasingly complex and harrowing safeguarding concerns) not only from the work but also from a very damaging work relationship and culture as well as several years of trying and failing to start a family. The burnout was severe. I left without any other employment to move into.
In the last four years, I have had two children (I got pregnant almost as soon as I left). I have also embraced a different way of living – one which is more about care and connection – for self, others and the planet (partly aided by the additional time I have had). I have also trained as a coach.
I know I want to start to work in a capacity other than full time carer for my two children who are now 3.5 and 1. I have not been sure what this might look like and have been keeping an open mind and heart, while also primarily pursuing the idea of being a coach. While I would really like to do this, I also worry about the lack of security (will I really be able to make it into the job I want) and the potential loneliness and slog of being self-employed and I also have a strange sense of cringe when I think of calling myself a coach.
Recently a job was advertised that is almost exactly the same as the role I left 4 years ago (although different context – and I am different too) and I have found myself writing an application for it. However, I really don’t know if I want to do it. It is full time and I don’t think I want to work full time at this stage of my children’s lives, especially in an environment and role that I think will be intense. What appeals is the chance to step back into something that I was once good at; to redeem my sense of failure for having burnt out before; and because there is still a passion in me for all things education that I feel sad at leaving behind.
What I am trying to figure out is what my pushes and pulls are and which are healthy or unhealthy. I think there is something around this role only being an opportunity that comes up rarely. If I knew that this role would be there in 1 year’s time, then I would be going for the coaching and giving myself a chance to see if that fits/ works for me as that is my preferred option. I’m scared of going the coaching route, it not working out and then not having other options or opportunities that feel good. It really is not often that this role in this type of setting arises.
However, I know if I apply for and get the job, not only will I feel fear of what I am letting myself in for but part of me will keep wondering if I could have made it as a coach and feel sad that I am not giving it a go, as well as feel like I have wasted the time, money and energy I have invested in the training I have done.
I am struggling to know how to make a decision (and yes I feel like I should have this in hand having done Maisie’s Making Decisions webinar in October!).

 

 

Answer:

What all of this struggle boils down to is that you don’t trust yourself and you don’t believe you can create the life you want. You know how much you want to work and you know what you want to do but you’re scared. Of course you are. Your brain is always going to warn you of danger any time you want to try something new. Fear and scarcity are not usually the best emotions to make a decision from.  Thank your brain for doing it’s job and start working on creating the life you want using the feelings you want.

If you knew that you could be happy and successful either way, and there would be challenges either way, would you rather apply for this job or start a coaching business?

If you knew that you are the one who gets to decide if you are a failure, what would you think about yourself?

You have the power to put anything in your result line. You have so many tools at your disposal now. What do you want to do? You don’t need a webinar, you know the answer.

PS, it’s possible to be proud to say you are a coach. What examples do you have that that could be true? What thoughts do these people think?