Casual date that doesn’t feel casual – part 2

Thank for your response! I found your prompt qus very interesting. Knowing that I have permission not to be in this, made me realise – I very much do want to be. And it feels reassuring that I can change my mind about that at any point.

The qu of why I hate uncertainty in dating? I guess I don’t often like uncertainty – perhaps it feels scary, full of unknown, and risky. With dating, it’s that period of getting to know someone and not knowing how it will turn out… and there’s the fear / risk of getting hurt I suppose. Especially given that I have been in the past.

Having said that, it occurred to me that I could be experiencing uncertainty differently. I.e. – enjoy it?! Or at least be in it in more of a going with the flow sense. With not having all of the answers yet holds possibility and potential and hopefulness and an open-mind. There can be a curiosity to it, and it’s all to play for. All of which sounds more fun and exciting than scary.

I do want to keep getting to know him, and I trust myself enough to handle any changes to my own feelings and to be able to communicate that.

Something that has come up since the first date is that we’ve been messaging loads, and I have really enjoyed it – but also found it quite intense. I want to set more boundaries in this (he’s a fast replier and we’ve quickly got into the habit of messaging for hours). I’d like to slow things down but also want to speed them up because I’m enjoying it so much…

Do you have any tips on finding balance during this period of (quite possibly fun) uncertainty? I often fear losing myself in relationships. And especially as I’m juggling some big work projects atm, I would like to take care of myself during this experience.

Thank you!

 

 

Answer:

I want to offer a possible thought error to explore. Right now your brain thinks you’ve lost balance? Why else would you need to find it?  Is the messaging cutting into your other activities, work projects, etc? What are the facts?

What do you want balance to look like for you in this season of dating? What sounds fun?

If you knew this was unfolding exactly as it was supposed to…where would you want to put your energy?