Challenging work colleague

I left a toxic work environment at the beginning of the year. In particular, I wanted to distance myself from one particular work colleague. We still need to discuss some logistics. The background is that I collected data and she wants to use my data set for her own analyses. She encouraged students to conduct research on my data set without asking me. She already made some arrangements with the students. I even said that’s fine although I would have preferred she asked me before making arrangements with students. Then we met at the beginning of the year to discuss what kind of analyses the students were going to conduct. We came to a solution and it was all fine. Yesterday, she sent me an e-mail (with another colleague in CC) and told me she was going to expand her analyses on my data set. After I had read her mail, I did a model first and then in a very calm and factual way simply responded that that was not what we discussed at our last meeting. She replied and involved other colleagues in this. My problem is that she always discusses things in fron of other colleagues and then makes it sound as if I were somehow trying to stand in her way. Although she always does things behind my back and then discusses these things in front of many other people (maybe to intentionally provoke me). And it makes me really angry. It takes away all the fun when it comes to finishing this project and it consumes so much energy. So I want to do another model:

C: work colleague sent me an e-mail regarding my data set
T: I decide how I respond
S: openness in chest
A: I don’t feel obliged to immediately respond to her e-mail
A: I don’t engage in discussions with her in front of other colleagues
A: I don’t feel responsible for a problem she created
A. I offer a fair and constructive cooperation
A: I don’t rush only because she needs something from me
A: I focus on my goals
R: I feel very proud of how I handle this situation

Thank you in advance for any feedback. As always, I already feel better after having written this down.

 

 

Answer:

 

This model looks so solid. So solid! Nice work! I am just going to ask a few questions to build some more awareness about how you’re engaging with the model. Where do you feel any resistance to leaning into this model? What are some obstacles you foresee with living in this model and what are solutions to those obstacles? What are you already doing to live into the model that you like and want to continue doing? Is there anything you need to let go of to live into this model?

Sending you all the proud feelings for deciding how you are going to handle this situation.