Changing my behaviour at work

I have a situation that I have made a lot of progress with but would like to have coaching on to take it deeper.
I have worked at my job for the last 5 years . It was my first job after university and it is only now that I can reflect and see what has been going over that time. I have been making myself small, changing my behaviour and even clothing in order to feel safe here. I have tried not to stand out and to not be different from other people by keeping things about me hidden and by behaving a certain way to stay small, and even changing the way I speak around my boss. I have had major insecurities about being paid to be here and therefore needing to come across as ‘professional’ and like I know what I’m doing. I am now at a place where I feel much more confident about my role because of the experience I know have and feel more comfortable around my colleagues and able to let my personality show. Using thoughts like ‘its safe to be me’ and learning about the nervous system have really helped. But I feel that there are still layers of censorship that I have built upon myself that are bothering me. This is the kind of model I find myself in, but I’m struggling to pinpoint the thought

C : I’m at work
T: ?
F: Nervous, self conscious, anxious
A: Speak more ‘properly’ than at home
A: stay quiet as much as possible especially in meetings
A: often keep my ideas and opinions to myself
R: perpetuate these behaviours

 

 

Answer:

Your circumstance might be too broad to pinpoint a thought. Try thinking of the last time you felt self conscious at work and do a thought download and some models there. Often the simplest of situations can show us so much.

It looks like you are trying to use your behaviour and actions to make you feel safe. The feeling of safety will never be created by what you do, what you wear, or how you speak.  It’s always going to come from your thoughts. You may get some great awareness figuring out why you’ve been acting this way in the past, but what if that didn’t even matter? You could start today and set some goals and an intentional model that would help you become the person you want to be at work.  R: I feel safe at work  is something you can create for yourself, any time you want to. Do you believe that for yourself? See what comes up and bring it back for more coaching.