Children age gaps

Since having a miscarriage in December I have begun thinking frequently about the age gap that would be between my current child and (if we are lucky enough to have another) my next.
Whenever I hear/meet/read about siblings I calculate their age gap and make an assessment of their relationship.
I have always been close to my sister and we were very close in age.
I really wanted my kids to be close in age and now that won’t be a possibility, I’m finding that hard to let go of.
Unintentional
C: Kids age gap
T: I wanted my kids to be close in age
F: Worried
S: Sinking feeling in tummy
A: Think about age gaps alot, calculate childrens age gaps, calculate how old theyll be at different stages, live in future problem. Not present to where we are now, not taking care of ms/ daughter/ current problems
R: I still want them to be close in age but nothing changes
Intentional
C: Age gap
T: I wanted my kids to be close in age
F: Sadness
S: tears, heavy heart
A: Feel sad, soften
R: I let myself want something I can’t have.

 

 

Answer:

 

The grief process takes twists and turns that sometimes feel like loop-de-loops. We hope that you can allow yourself the space to grieve this fully and deeply while you navigate the ups and downs of your own process – and we are here to help you do just that.

As for the thought, “I wanted my kids to be close in age,” I wonder if you’d be open to exploring what being close in age means for you, why you wanted that, and what it means to have a potentially bigger age gap between kids. The thought you have here in your model is clear, but I wonder if the ideas beneath it may be in need of some illumination. When light is shone on the our thoughts, we can examine them from different angles, make decisions that will help us move through pain and grief, and into another story line on purpose. How does doing that sound to you?